Someone, Somewhere
by alizabethianrose
Summary: Punk is heartbroken, and for some reason he can't explain Raven offer's him a shoulder to lean on. Where they headed Punk's unsure but he is wondering if Raven could be the someone to give meaning to his life. Punk/Raven Slash!
1. His someone

Typical discaimers, I own no one if I did I would be a rich lady, this is slash meaning two guys if you don't like don't read.

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I've finished my shower after the show, my sore muscles beginning to relax as I walk into the locker room, that's when I noticed him. Sitting in the corner still in his ring attire, we put on a good match and he seemed to be fine, but now his body language is telling me something complete different. He is quiet, too quiet for him, the kid always has an opinion on everything, never shuts up, and is a cocky asshole, yet now he seems defeated as he stares at the cell phone clutched in his hand silent. This however should not be any concern of mine, we are just coworkers, not even friends our lifestyles are so far apart we would never be able to find common ground. He has friends here who I am sure must notice his demeanor, hell Ace or Colt will figure out what is wrong. So I go about dressing trying not to look at the blonde hair kid in the corner, trying to figure out why I give a fuck, It is not my problem he looks sad, I have no wish to see that cocky smirk on his face.

I am preparing to leave and the locker room has started to empty out, yet he still sits still as stone and if was not for the fact that I can see the rise and fall of his chest I would think he is a statue. I glance around and feel my self frown, the people I think would take care of him have disappeared and he still remains. Okay not my problem, but I find my feet moving on their own accord until I stand over him, the dark circles under his eyes have me wondering when the last time he slept was. I should walk away but instead find myself reaching down and grabbing his arm dragging him to his feet. He doesn't really react, which is completely out of character so I just lead him across the room grabbing his bag, and mine as well. I walk out to my car and he follows at least walking without being led completely, he gets into the passenger seat and I slide behind the wheel. I start the engine and drive unsure of my destination, the car has become suffocating with tension, unspoken words and he still stares at that damn phone.

"Want to go for a drink?" I hope for an answer and for the first time he seems to realize he is in the car with me not one of his buddies.

"I don't drink" he states softly, I know this but at least I got a response.

"So I will drink, and you can sit there and judge me, then drive me back to the hotel like a good friend." He glances at me breaking his fixation on the phone.

"We're not friends" he murmurs and I have to agree with him, we are not but I seem to be the only one who gives a fuck that Punk is not himself right now. So I shrug and pull into the nearest bar, getting out I drag him inside with me after tugging a shirt onto him. I find a nice corner to hide away in and order myself a whiskey making it a double, getting him his damn Pepsi. As I place the glass on the table in front of him, I snatch the phone from his hand and he doesn't protest as I slide it into my pocket.

"Where are your friends?" He reaches for the glass and shrugs at me "Not an answer Punk, trying using that smart ass mouth of yours. What the hell is wrong with you?" I could think of several things to use that mouth for but I push that thought aside, he is just a kid and I am an old fuck up who would tarnish the hell out of him, plus he has a girl.

"I believe they ditched me since I told them all to go to hell, and that I could find my own way back to Chicago. I may have lashed out at them, I'll have to call them later. I don't have a problem Raven everything is fucking perfect." I growl and down my drink getting up to get another one.

"I will be right back, and when I get back you are going to be honest, I hate bullshit I don't tolerate it well. We may not be best friends but even I can see you are hurting, and since I'm usually self-centered its a miracle I noticed at all." He smiles slightly and I swear I feel my dick harden, what the hell is happening to me I've never been attracted to him before and considering our story line I have my hands all over the tight little body.

I take my time to return to the table and I am shocked he remains here, I figured he would bail the first moment he got. He stares at my drink so I hold it out in offering, hell he looks like he could use a good stiff drink. He scoffs at me and crosses his arm's over his chest. "Not likely, I'm straightedge do I need to explain that to you yet again, I know you've killed most of your brain cells but I'm sure you've got at least one that can comprehend the meaning. How long are we going to be here, and how much do you plan on drinking I don't feel like picking your ass up off the floor." Ahh avoidance thy name is Punk, though he is not getting away with it.

"I get straight edge, though wonder why anyone who isn't insane would willingly drink that crazy juice. So why are we being mister moody stick up the ass guy?" He frowns and leans back in his seat.

"Look straight edge is not a cult, and I don't need you implying I'm crazy. If I tell you what is going on can we just sit here in piece until your ready to leave." I nod wondering if he will be able to sit quietly while I drink myself into oblivion. "My girl dumped me tonight okay, I really thought she was the one and them bam it's not you, it's me blah blah blah! I had these plans for us, and I really though she knew how I felt but apparently I am to cold, to focused on my career and not enough on her. I'm just so sick of women at this point, I feel like never dating again. Maybe I'll just become celibate, so there you go I have chick problems are you happy now fucker." I don't thin he is fully telling me the truth but I let it go raising my glass to my lips I can help but ask him one question before I give him the silence I promised.

"You ever thought of being with a guy, they are less clingy." He is taking a drink when I speak and the next think I know he is choking on the drink, and I am slapping his back as Pepsi comes out of his nose. Guess that gives me my answer, nope he never has consider it but I bet I could change his mind. He never answers me just getting up to go to the bathroom and clean up.

By the time he returns, I've gotten him a new Pepsi and myself a nice bottle that is already half way gone. He glances at it and sighs sitting beside of me I sling an arm around his shoulder, attempting to give him a seductive grin. I think it comes out wrong because he looks at me like I have two heads. "I just have one thing to say to you and then we can leave, have you ever thought it is not you, but them. That someone, somewhere is perfect for you, and your just looking in the wrong places. That this person won't make you feel so damn lonely, and when you are with them those dark circles will disappear because you'll sleep like a baby in their arms." He looks shocked I read him so easily but I am an observant mother fucker even when being self-absorbed.

"I don't think that exists, and you are very drunk" I laugh I can hold my liquor well so right now I am only slightly buzzed however I will let him believe whatever he needs.

"Pity, because someday someone is going to turn your world upside down, and while you are looking in all the wrong places they could pass you by. Tell ya what when you meet that person please call me so I can gloat." He stands and marches to the door and I follow rolling my eyes at his back.

I give him directions to my place and he drives in silence. He seems lost in thought and if I could I would read his mind right now. When we arrive he hesitates before helping me inside and I lean on him more than I need too. "You can stay here tonight, find a way home in the morning its late." He glances around the place and I just stumble dramatically up the hall he sighs but follows me.

"What the hell do you even know about love? You live alone and have very few friends, you avoid human contact at all costs." He spits this at me as he removes my shoes and I can't help but smile at his temper.

"I chose to live the way I do, I'm better off alone Punk. I'm mean, and cruel to people I care about so its best that people don't get involved, however I have known love. I know that someone somewhere, will give meaning to your life in spite of it all." I lay back and yank him down on the bed beside of me. "Now go to sleep, I want to pass out." He tenses but remains where he is and after a while I feel him moving, I watch through have closed eyes as he removes his boots, and then his shirt. He then lays back down facing me, I can hear him breathing in the quiet of the room, and thinking always thinking. I turn on my side and face him, staring into those olive eyes and I can not resist just one taste. I lean forward until out lips are barely touching waiting for him to pull back, to hit me, to run for the fucking hills. Instead his eyes close and he presses more firmly to my lips. I slide my tongue against his bottom lip and he opens for me. I explore lazily taking my time to memorize his taste, knowing he will regret this in the morning. Yet for tonight I will be his someone, I pull back and his eyes open again, but I see curiosity and questions in their depths instead of answering them. I turn him around and pull him in my arms. My hand on his hip brushing the shorts lower so I have access to skin, we lay together still, silent and I watch as sleep takes over this kid a smile, I've been missing all night upon his lips.

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**Thank you for reading, please review! This is suppose to be a one shot but there is most likely going to be at least a few more parts, next one will be from Punk's POV, I think. Let me know if you want more!**


	2. Empty Heart

I watch him sleep, trying not to stare at the bronze skin in the sunlight. He is on my arm and I have lost feeling in the appendage yet I don't move it away and I briefly wonder why I am allowing this small kindness. It is already early afternoon, I have been up had coffee, breakfast, showered and worked out. I returned to this room to wake his ass up and kick him out, instead I laid down beside him and he immediately snuggled into me. I decided to let him sleep a while longer, then I would get rid of him he has invaded my space long enough. I stare at his stomach, the tattoo taunting me with the difference's of our lifestyles, if only things were different; what the hell am I thinking things will never be different I like to loaded and alone and he likes to be judgmental and better than everyone.

Staring at that soft skin; the skin I know so well from the time we spent in the ring; my fingers twitch and I can't help but reach out and stroke his stomach. My fingers trail along the permanent letters and I find myself tugging lightly on his belly button ring. I hear him take a sharp intake of breath so I do it again and a slight moan escapes his lips, I decided to file this information away for later. However since I plan on getting his ass out quickly I will have no use for it, so instead I continue to tug and tease at the ring and the sensitive skin, watching the bulge grow inside of his shorts. "What are you doing?" I glance up to see half closed olive orbs staring intently at me.

"I am trying to wake you up the kindest way I could think of. It's almost one and your ass is still in bed. I guess the rumors that you never sleep aren't true, or is it the company; do you sleep better with me holding you kid?" Of course he doesn't answer me, he seems to be trying to shake the cobwebs of sleep from his mind, blinking rapidly at me. I'm sure he is trying to process how he came to be in my bed and my fingers continuing to play with his seductive ring isn't help him recall faster.

"Will you fucking stop that?" He is slowly becoming the raging lion I am use to, instead of the cute cuddly kitten I've held all night.

"Stop what?" I ask this giving him my best innocent look, which I am sure is as about as innocent as a rattle snake ready to strike. He gives me a pointed look of annoyance and I smirk deciding at that moment he is always a cute kitten, he just likes to think of himself as a lion to protect himself. See I can be an insightful son of a bitch, though I am forming a plan one to prove to this kid that he is not better than me. "Oh what you don't like this?" I slide my hand down and cup his erection through his shorts squeezing and stroking "Could of fooled me on that one" He is still as my hand explores, yet he doesn't stop me in fact I think he is enjoying everything I am doing to him. His breathing is increasing and he closes his eyes briefly.

"What are you doing?" He almost chokes on the words as I squeeze more firmly.

"If you don't know what I am doing then we really need to have a talk about the birds and bees. Guess that's why you can't keep a girl." I take this small jab hoping to get a reaction and I am rewarded by the fire flashing in his eyes.

"I know about fucking sex Raven, stop fucking touching me I am not gay." I laugh and lean over him sliding my hand up I push the top of his shorts down my hand wrapped around firm, hard and very willing flesh.

"Your body is telling me something very different here Punk. I'll stop if you want me too, you can go take a nice shower and jerk off. Or I could finish what I started and then we will go get you some breakfast, and in my case lunch because I am not a lazy SOB." We are nose to nose and I am firmly stroking him, his precum being used as a lubricant. I wait for his decision and he seems torn but I can tell I am winning this battle when he rolls his eyes but stays in place. I stroke him and tease him until he is right on the edge. The little moans escaping his tightly sealed lips tell me he is enjoying every second, and they may be a little endearing. My plan is falling in place as he starts to move against my hand and I can't help but smirk. As he is about to explode I ask him a question and chuckle at his expression. "Is getting a hand job from someone who you are not dating a straight edge belief, I can't remember my remaining brain cells must not be working." His eyes widen and I can tell a snarky comeback is on his lips but before he can respond I send him over the edge, his cum covering his stomach and my hand. I milk him for every drop then wipe my hand across the straight edge tattoo on his stomach. I yank my arm from beneath his body, standing I glance down at him. "Go take a fucking shower kid, we have shit to get done today."

With that I leave the room, the look in his eyes as he came going with me; damn I have never seen anything sexier than the reaction I just caused. I raise my finger tips to my nose and sniff, breathing in the scent of his arousal, the scent of my prey. My plan is to teach him he is not better than me, that he has the same weakness, I am going to strip him of everything he believes in and leave him a quivering mess on the floor. I know it will be a battle but already I am winning, score is Raven one Punk zero. I will destroy this kid, I just need to be careful because he makes me feel things, things I haven't felt in a long time. Feelings I promised myself I would never have again, this cocky kid could bring out my vulnerable side and I will not tolerate it I will take him down before he can get into the black space where my heart once lived.

He takes his time to come out of the bedroom, and he does so quietly not looking at me, or willing to meet my eyes. "Can I have my phone. I'll call a cab and get out of your hair." I laugh and shake my head he is not getting out of here that easily.

"Nope, you will be staying for a few days. I've decided I like having you around, we are going out later to meet some of my friends and I need a designated driver. That's going to be you, and I figured you'd want to see that I actually have friends. So I am going to hold your phone hostage for a few days, although Colt did call while you were sleeping and would really like you to call him back. He seemed concerned that I was answering your phone, I told him you were in perfectly good hands all night long. Don't know why but that seemed to make him more upset, so I assured him we just spent the night in bed together. He started to ask some odd questions so I hung up on him. I'll let you use my phone to call him back if you want." He is now looking at me and I can see panic in his eyes, I'm not sure if it is about staying or if it's about my conversation with Colt either way it's sexy.

"I can not stay with you, you can not hold my phone hostage I can just get a new one. Why the hell would you imply anything to Colt, why were you answering my fucking phone ever heard of privacy?" I laugh and walk over to him throwing an arm around his shoulder, I feel him tense and I refrain from coping a quick feel.

"I have your wallet, it's in a very nice hiding place. How exactly are you getting back to Chicago with no money, and no ID, oh and no phone?" He closes his eyes and I feel him take a deep breath, I can almost see him counting to ten to reign in that cute temper of his.

"Why the fuck do you even want me here? You don't even like me, we aren't even friends and what happened in the bedroom doesn't change anything." Ah feisty, I plan on breaking him of that, and many other habits.

"I happen to like you a great deal, I don't just jerk off any ring rat."

"I'm not a fucking rat" he snaps shoving my arm off him, and turning to glare at me.

"No I will give you that, you have talent but you still need a lot of work. Until you are on my level then you might as well be a rat. Now we are going to breakfast and you are going to get over your little attitude. I need a friend for a few days to help me, and I've elected you deal with it. You can watch me hang out with my friends, and as I get wasted; you can be all stuck up, and judgmental the whole time I won't stop you. I promise I won't molest you again unless you ask me too. Besides I think it will help our current feud if we get to know each other a little." I swear he is pouting now but he is no longer arguing with me, he holds out his hand and I look at him.

"Give me your fucking phone so I can call Colt back and cancel the plans I had. You're a real ass, I hope you know I fucking hate you."

"Love me or hate me, both are in my favor…If you love me, I'll always be in your heart…If you hate me, I'll always be in your mind." He gives me an odd look and I smirk "Shakespeare Punk, try reading a book from time to time."

"I know who it fucking is I'm just shocked you are able to quote him. I need my phone to retrieve Colt's number from it." I pull out my phone and scroll to the contact handing it to him, he glances at it and sighs.

"I figured you wouldn't know the number, your generation always insists on putting in your contacts and never actually knowing it, even in an emergency."

"I fucking know his number I just wanted my own phone" he snaps at me and it's like a kitten's meow cute and tiny. I wonder how he would react if he knew I thought of him as a soft, cuddly, purring ball of fur. Not well I suspect but really how could anyone see him any different. He stomps back into the bedroom so I follow he gives me an annoyed look and I cross my arms. "can I have some privacy please?'

"Nope for all I know you are going to call the cops and tell them I have kidnapped you, or tell Colt I am holding you hostage and your friends will show up in force to rescue you. If you want to talk to him you can call him while I'm in the room. By the way you are free to leave anytime you want, I just think it will be difficult for you to get home." He storms back out of the bedroom and I again follow, sitting on the coach as he paces the living room phone to his ear. I pay very little attention to the conversation, I do here him tell Colt that he is going to be out of town, and touch for the next few days so once again I have won. Another point goes to me, I'm so going to win this easily. As he paces I can't help but stare at those well tone legs and feel my heart kick up a notch, my eyes travel from his calf upwards landing on that perfect ass, it's virginal I bet and I plan to rectify that soon. I lick my lips slowly forcing myself to focus elsewhere so I ease drop. Colt's dad is apparently sick and Punk is offering to help take care of him, take him to doctor's appointment or just drop by and check on him. I feel a strange warmth in my chest, and wonder if he is always this generous and supportive, I wonder how it would feel to have him look after me, care about him. I push those thoughts away this is about me teaching him a lesson I need to focus, I don't give a fuck about him as a person and I never will.

When he is off the phone I take it back from him "Lets go kid I'm starving" he walks over to the door and I place an arm in front of him blocking his exit. He looks up and I can feel a comment about to leave his mouth that is sure to piss me off. "I may have promised not to molest you, but let's be clear I am going to kiss you all I fucking want." With this warning I slam my lips onto his shoving him against the door jamb dominating his mouth, deciding this was the easiest and best way to shut him up before he starts talking. I get another point when he starts to respond to me and I am pretty sure I could take him back to the bedroom and fuck him right now. Instead I pull away and walk out waiting for him to follow, fucking him is not part of the plan yet. Soon but not yet.

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**Okay so this was suppose to be Punk's POV but my Raven muse hijacked it. Next chapter will be Punk's POV as long as raven allows it. Thank you for reading and please review!**

**bitter-alisa -The fact that you broke out into a chant while reading the last chapter is amazing! I agree there is not enough pairing of these two, and I have no clue why it practically writes itself! I am always very critical when I write raven I think he can be very hard to capture so I'm glad you think I did it so well. I'm sure Punk will run the first time he gets the chance, as long as Raven lets him and then i don't think he will get very far. Thank you for your amazing review.**

**lamentomori- I'm glad you are in and I promise Punk will have his say at some point in this as soon as Raven shuts up long enough for me to figure out how Punk is feeling about it all. **


	3. What I Would do For Love

Punk POV

I sit across from a very stubborn man; who is currently stuffing down his breakfast almost protectively of his plate. I wonder briefly why he feels this need; almost as if someone had taken food from him in the past, or he had to fight for what he wanted. I haven't figure him out completely, but I feel like I am on my way to what I want. I have to hide the smile on my face I can not let him know that he is falling for my plan. I keep the obnoxious attitude in place allowing him to think he is forcing me to be here. If he had asked me I would of willingly stayed with him, but one thing I have learned observing this man is he doesn't do well with rejection so he doesn't give you options. It's his way, or he has no use for you. Obviously at some point someone hurt him, I just hope I can prove to him that will never be me. I've wanted this man for so long; at first those feelings confused me but after a talk with Colt I decided to pursue Raven.

I tried the typical route; flirting, getting to know him, become his friend; yet all of that got me absolutely no where. Raven doesn't do friends, and everyone knows you can't get to know him he doesn't let anybody in. This only made me want him more, break him out of his loneliness, prove to him there is more in the world beyond his shell of an existence. Sure he pretends to be happy but if you watch him closely you see the truth behind the facade. So I came up with a plan and so far I've been successful, Raven may be an ass and a master manipulator but he has a soft spot for people who seem fragile. People who need help, need a shoulder to lean on he will rescue, so I gave him that opportunity Sure I had just broken up with my girlfriend, that wasn't a lie but it was a mutual decision. I'm never home and she is never a priority so we agreed that she deserved better. It sucks but it is pretty normal in my life, I think that is why I find Raven so appealing he understands this life, understands me and despite our differences I have a feeling we would never bore each other, or stopping being a challenge. I think over the last twenty-four hours and I can not help the small smile that graces my lips.

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Sitting on the hard concrete floor I watch him from the corner of my eyes, clutching my phone pretending to stare at the item. He just left the shower and as he dresses I can barely keep up my charade of misery. Colt walks over standing in front of me shaking his head at me, he knows the plan and I hope he just does as I am asking. He thinks all the trouble I am going through to make one guy notice me is absurd, he crotches down to my level and says softly. "You sure about this, he could just leave and you will be stuck here."

"Yes I'm sure, just get out of here fucker and take Ace with you. It is already working he keeps looking over at me. I have other ways home if I need it don't worry I am prepared." Colt shakes his head again but stands and a few minutes later I see them both leave. I'm about to steal another look at Raven when his boots are suddenly in front of me and I'm being pulled to my feet. He leads and I follow, I think I would probably follow him anywhere, maybe even to hell and back. Perhaps that is the road we are on, the path to hell, but I've never wanted anyone so desperately in my life so I will follow. At the bar when he asks me if I've ever thought about being with a guy it takes me by surprise and I hope I'm not being obvious to my attraction towards him. I hate watching him use alcohol to fill the void, but I remain silent allowing him to get drunk. When we are back at his place I really want to do a helluva lot more than kiss, but my beliefs prevent me from going further, sometimes being straight edge is more difficult than you can imagine.

I slept better than I had in forever in his arms, in his bed this startles me, however waking up to the best hand job I have ever had startles me more. I mean sleeping in his bed is unexpected, but throwing my beliefs out the window for this guy is not allowed. I need to make my self stronger against his charms, or his insults when he implied I am a ring rat it stung. When I am in the shower I am berating myself, he gave me an out instead I let my bodies needs overtake my mind. He is not the first guy who's given me a hand job, he is just the first one who made it feel like I was flying. Okay so the only other guy was Colt and it was more experimentation so I could figure out my attraction to Raven. Colt and I have a relationship, we are best friends so I could rationalize that, with Raven I can not. I think maybe I should abandon my plan, admit defeat now, he is able to get to me too easily. This could end disastrous, and I have a feeling Raven has an ulterior motive, when he decided to keep me here I am sure he is playing head games so I give in easier than I should have. I want to find out how this plays out, and at the end of it all if I get what I want then kudos to me.

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I'm pulled from my thoughts by the man of my desires "Will you stop playing with your fucking food like a child and eat." I look down at plate where I'd been pushing around the pancakes and shrug.

"I'm done, just waiting for you to finish, what are we doing today?" Raven rolls his eyes at me and grabs my plate beginning to eat the contents,

"We are going to hang out with a couple of my friends, try not to embarrass me, if you can't be nice then keep your smart ass mouth shut." I have to refrain from rolling my eyes, does he think I have no clue how to interact with people, I'm not a complete moron.

"Who are we going to meet?" I really want to know as Raven seems so isolated backstage that I have to question what I am getting dragged into.

"Dreamer and Sabu so make sure you show some respect." I want to sigh, positive this means watching the men get trashed while I drag their asses home after. Complaining would get me nowhere with Raven so I keep my mouth shut, I'm learning quickly he thinks I'm meek; for now I will let him have that conclusion at least until I know I have his attention completely.

We go to a sports bar where I greet his friends respectfully as requested, they give me curious looks but ask no questions. I spend the rest of the afternoon watching them drink, watching Raven relax around his people. Its amazing seeing this man not isolate, instead be open and actually very funny. He is incredibly intelligent and has a ton of charm, it is a side I've never seen of him and I wonder if maybe I've missed judge him. I can't help but stare, and I know he knows I'm doing it but he does not seemed bother by eyes on him. In fact I think it's boosting his ego, I hope I'm not falling into whatever mind game he has planned, I need to keep my wits about me where he is concerned. I am dragged outside by Dreamer under the pretense of needing fresh air, instead I find myself being studied and questioned. "What are your intentions here?"

"Umm what?" Really I have no quick reply I feel so far out of my element since the moment I opened my eyes that I think my brain has stopped functioning.

"Why are you here with Raven, it's not a good idea." I frown at him not liking the tone of his voice.

"I'm here because he wants me here, he refuses to let me leave. Not that it's any of your business. Raven and I are. . ." I'm at a loss on how to finish that statement what the hell are we.

"Your what? The next notch in his belt, some wrestler who idolize the man so is throwing himself at Raven? You could leave if you wanted in fact I suggest you take off right now." Okay that pisses me off and I forget about being respectful.

"You're an ass, you have no idea why I would be interested in Raven, do I think in his time he was an amazing wrestler sure. Now he's nowhere near what he use to be so trust me I'm not throwing myself at the man due to wrestling or some hero complex. I am not a notch in anyone's belt fucker, I don't sleep around ever. If you have an issue with Raven deciding to spend time with me then take it up with him." I refrain from saying more and go back inside sitting beside of Raven with a huff. He glances over at me and puts his hand on my knee squeezing gently and my eyes meet his.

"Have a drink with me" it is not a question and I roll my eyes.

"Not going to happen Raven and you are drunker then I think if you think it's a possibly." He leans over and runs his lips softly behind my ear, before nipping at the lode. Sparks fill my stomach and I swear my brain becomes a haze all attention focused on those lips.

"Come on one beer, then we can get out of here. I'll take you back home and fuck you through the mattress all night long. You want that don't you Punkers?" I lick my lips slowly, I want that more than I can express, well part of that but my beliefs are important. I need to hang on to what I believe in and my conscience is reminding me of that very loudly. I am about to tell him no, when his tongue begins licking my neck, his lips sucking gently leaving his mark on my skin.

"No beer Raven, but house is okay, no drinking." I whimper trying to sound forceful in my refusal. He bites down hard enough to draw blood and I wince at the same time a moan escapes my lips.

"One drink won't hurt you Punk, and if you want me to give you a night full of pleasure, then you need to please me and it would please me greatly if you had a drink with me before we go." I close my eyes and remind myself of all the reasons I don't drink.

"I hate the smell of beer so I'm not going to drink something that taste like warm piss Raven, lets just get out of here." He smirks standing and heading to the bar, I try to get myself together before he returns. This is another one of his tests and I have a feeling I can not pass no matter what I do. I feel his friends both looking at me and I really wish they would leave. Raven returns a glass and a beer in his hand. I'm not sure what's in the glass but I'm sure it is meant for me and I am so not going to be drinking it. Instead of trying to hand it to me he sits it on the table and reattaches himself to my neck, making my mind go back to that fuzzy place.

I've been with so many people but this is the first time it's been completely out of my control. I can not stand being the vulnerable one in this situation, my mind screaming to push him away and get the fuck out of here before I throw the rest of my beliefs aside for him. My body pressing against him, my arms slinking their way around his neck I pull his lips to mine, allowing him to dominate the kiss. He taste like beer and cigarettes not a combination I would ever find pleasing; but with him it is addicting, I want more I want all he is offering. All he wants is me to have one drink with him then we could leave, we could go back to his place and have a night I will never forget. Am I willing to settle for one night with this man, one night against everything I believe in?

I think he feels my warring emotions, knows he could be winning because he picks up the glass and presses it into my hand. I stare at the blue liquid, chewing at my lip ring. "The bartender says it is sweet, fruity you'll like it." I swallow hard and look into Raven's eyes.

"Why do you want me to do this?" I really want to know the answer, want to know what is behind his desire to challenge my beliefs.

"I need to know if you are willing to give up everything to be with me? If I'm more important to you then anything, I need to trust you. If you don't want to I will drive you to the bus station and you can head to Chicago right now." I take a deep breath and bring the glass to my lips quickly downing the contents, yup somehow he is more important to me then everything else, I wonder when that happened, how it occurred but I'm too confused to worry about it at the moment. There is no burn, no taste of liquor, nothing like I've heard about. "It's a virgin blue Hawaiian, you'd really give up your beliefs for me; interesting. We will have to test that later, now lets watch the rest of the game." I have a desire to punch him right in his smug mouth, instead I just storm from the bar. I walk up the street ducking into an alley and press my forehead against the cool brick. Mind games, he plays mind games and I just fell for one of them. I need to remind myself that I want this, I want him, I could leave but I chose to stay. He talks about everyone having someone, well I really think he is it for me. I've thought this for a while, but now it is more evident I will do anything to make him happy. This is going to destroy me, he is going to tear everything I believe into shreds. Then and only then will he allow himself to be with me, to trust me how the hell do I let him do that without losing myself. How do I prove to him he is my someone, somewhere. I need a plan, and possibly some help.

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**So I hope this explains some of why Punk gave in so easy to Raven, don't worry Punk is going to start getting his own plan in place soon. Thank you for reading and don't forget to review!**

**bitter-alisa- Raven is very much trying to justify his feelings towards Punk by playing games. Raven's transition from sweet to an ass will be explained in the next chapter as long as he lets me. He is an evasive ass who sometimes does not even let me understand his behavior.**

**lamentomori- You exactly nailed it they are both playing games, just for different reasons. Punk is going to come on full force Punk very soon and I am afraid that Raven won't like the kitten he unleashes. Punk is one cat that is very adept at catching birds, especially evasive, arrogant ones lol.**


	4. Revenge is Bittersweet!

**Okay first a little warning, My Raven is an ass, a huge ass and this chapter shows that well. Some of you may dislike his actions and if you do I am very sorry but still hope you enjoy this!**

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"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them... I destroy them."

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I watch him, study him really he sits on the couch reading one of my inhuman comic books; I never knew Punk is a comic book fan; then again there is a lot about this man I'm learning. He is in a pair of my old pj's and one of my favorite t-shirts and oblivious to my staring. We got back from the bar a few hours ago and I am no where near as drunk as I want to be, I stopped drinking early wanting to be clear-headed when we returned to the house. He hasn't said a word about my earlier offer to ravish him all night if he drank, and I am keeping my promise to not molest him again without permission but damn it I want permission.

I think back to the bar, the conversation I overheard between Dreamer and Punk, I of course could not resist listening in, and although I wish Dreamer would mind his own fucking business it was Punk's words that sent me a little over the edge. I'm not as good as I use to be according to this cocky kid, well I want to prove to him I am better than I use to be; so now I am planning our matches, our story line in my head and it is going to be epic. I think the worst part is how much his words hurt, granted I shouldn't have over heard him and it's my own fault; still I wish he had a different opinion and the fact that I give a fuck what this kid thinks fucking sucks. I don't, I really don't care what he thinks and as much as I tell myself that I know it's a lie.

I pushed him at the bar, I was overly cruel and playing games and I am not sure if either of us won. I think I made a point about who and what I am, yet at the same time I felt defeated that he would truly give up his beliefs that easy. I'm no good for this kid, I really wish he had taken Dreamers suggestion and run while he had the chance. Now I am not going to give him a choice, I plan on keeping him until he is broken, or I done with him whatever comes first he is mine and I don't care what anyone thinks; his friends included.

Colt Cabana needs to get the fuck out of my head, the conversation from this morning is still running through my mind. When I answered Punk's phone it was purely to be a bastard and mess with Colt's head, instead he managed to mess with mine...

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_"Punk's phone, he is currently tied to my bed after a long night of exhausting activity, please leave your name and I may tell him to call you back." There is a long silence and I glance down to see if he hung up._

_ "What the fuck? Who is this?" already I've irritated Colt and I can't help but glance down at the man sleeping in my arms a warm feeling floats through my chest as I brush the hair from his face._

_ "Who is this?" I snap back softer then I normally would not wanting to wake my companion, though normally I would not care hell he wouldn't even still be in my bed. _

_ "It's Colt, where is Punk, put him on the phone Raven!"_

_ "Why ask me who this is if you already know?"_

_ "Who the else would it fucking be? He wanted to go home with you, he got what he wanted. Hell he is in love with you, now would you kindly put him on the fucking phone." I'm silent absorbing Colt's words, Punk wanted to go home with me, he played me, he loves me. "Shit look I didn't mean that okay, just put Punk on, I have a big mouth and it gets me in trouble sometimes." I slide from the bed heading into the living room, I shut the bedroom door and take a deep breath._

_ "Alright Cabana, spill right now everything and don't leave anything out." That's when I get told the whole plan, and how the kid feels about me. "Well thank you Colt for that information, now I am going to share some with you, I don't like being played for the fool. Your boy did that and I'm going to make him pay. Also so you know, he spent the night under me screaming my name, he is an incredible slut in bed you should jump on that."_

_ "Shut up Raven, I know Punk well enough to know that you are lying. He has very strong beliefs and just because he loves someone he won't give them up. Just to make something very clear to you, I don't approve of his feelings for you. I think he is too good for you, that if he gets involved all you will do is wreck him. So do me a favor and walk away before he gets in any deeper." I hate that he is right, that I should just walk away. So instead I focus on my anger now directed to Colt._

_ "He is going to give up all his beliefs to be with me Colt. I demand that from my partners, before I walk away, he will be nothing. Punk will have given up his beliefs, his love of wrestling, his friends, his family, everything. I will break your boy, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. In fact I think he will give you up last so you can watch his downfall. I'll tell him you called Cabana, and if you open that idiotic mouth of yours I'll deny it, and if he truly loves me he will believe you over me." I hung up and return to the bedroom watching the man I thought I could care about sleep, he is going down and I plan on burning everything around him to ash._

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Now watching him I think maybe I'm being a little harsh, sure he planned on getting close to me but isn't that a little flattering, and he stood up to Dreamer, my little kitten showed he has a backbone and claws when needed. I walk over to the couch and flop beside of him,throwing an arm around his shoulder I tuck him closer to my side. "When did I give you permission to look at my comics Kitten?" He gives me a perplexed look and I can't help but smirk.

"I'm not a kitten so don't call me that, also if you are going to hold me hostage you have to provide entertainment and since you are busy staring at me and being over analytical I am reading your damn comic." Oh kitten can hiss, it's cute in an absolutely non-threatening way. He is also more observant that I realize, I will need to keep a close eye on my reactions towards him, I grab the comic and toss it on the coffee table.

"I can entertain you so much better than this book, all you need to do is ask." I run my fingers across his stomach tugging at the ring and raise an eyebrow. He slaps at my hand and huffs dramatically, I wonder if he realizes how easy he is too read. He is angry at me for the trick in the bar, I wonder if he would have preferred it to be actual alcohol, then he could play the victim more. He went against his beliefs to prove to me how special I am, at least that is what he thinks. Truth is I haven't even put my plan in motion, I plan to very soon, in fact I may start tonight. Then he will know what sacrificing everything for me really means. "Go get me a drink kid, I know you don't drink the shit but surely you know how to serve one. Hell why don't you make yourself a nice stiff drink, apparently you have no problem with it as long as you can rationalize drinking." He glares but stands from my side and storms into the kitchen, still doing so with the gracefulness of a kitten.

When he returns he holds out a glass, slamming another down on the coffee table. I take a sip and find the refreshing taste of whiskey fill my senses. He sits down and goes to grab the comic, I once again take it from him. I look at the glass sitting on the table, I lift it and give it a sniff. It's identical to mine, I can smell the liquor mixed with Punk's beloved Pepsi "For me, or for you ?" He doesn't answer my question staring ahead his jaw clenched. "You don't need to drink it on my behalf, I respect your beliefs Punk." He gives me the most skeptical look I have ever seen on a person's face and I have to school my expression. "I'm just worried about all of this, you see I am developing feelings for you, and I think you have feelings for me. Am I wrong?"

"No I have feelings for you" he states so softly I almost don't catch the words. I sigh dramatically, and rub my forehead before taking his hand.

"This will never work though, you don't understand my lifestyle at all Punk. I would be afraid you would always be judging me. You've never known what its like to be drunk or high and that is how I live my life, how could you possibly understand me, how could this really work?"

"It could work, I know it could I don't need to understand your lifestyle to care about you Raven. I don't judge you, I would never judge you."

"Really then why would you tell Dreamer I'm not as good as I used to be, you judged me there and implied my lifestyle has caused me to become less. Not to mention you seem to think I have no friends, no life, that I'm lonely, those are all judgments. Maybe you should just leave this is never going to work." I see so many emotions flashing across my kitten's face as he speaks I almost fell sorry for him, however when I suggest he leave I see a look flash in those eyes that almost makes me pause in my plan. He wants to stay with me, he is accepting me for what I am, He is accepting me as I am and that is new to me, everyone has tried there damnedest to change me yet he just wants to be with me.

"I didn't mean it the way it sounded, I'm sorry if you mistook my words. Sometimes I need to learn to think before I speak. What do you want from me Raven, because I'm here despite you challenging me every step of the way. I haven't run yet, so just tell me what you fucking want!" Oh there are those claws again, he is a feisty kitty and do I really want to break that. I don't know how to respond to his question, I want him, I want all of him but I need to put that aside and teach him a lesson he so desperately needs to learn. Don't play with your food kid, it ma bite back.

I stand and go into the bedroom returning with his cell phone and wallet I place them on the table beside of the glass. "Get dressed and go I'm a bastard Punk, I'm giving you an out take it now." He stares at me and I ignore him laying with my phone, waiting for his decision because he could leave I wouldn't stop him this is his only chance.

"Fuck me" my head jerks up from my phone "fuck me that's what you want right, you want to fuck me so let's go Raven. I will prove to you how well we work together." I am so tempted to take him up on his offer but I shake my head no sadly.

"It wouldn't work Punk, sure it would be incredible but we would still be too different, just go Punk." I go back to my phone and see him staring at the glass on the table, with a trembling hand he reached out and grabs the glass. I snap a picture with my phone as soon as the glass makes contact with his lips, he downs the contents and I see a grimace flash across his face.

"happy now?" I'm not in fact I may be absolutely miserable, a feeling I've never felt overtakes me and I now understand what guilt feels like. It's not something I enjoy and it pisses me off that this kid makes me feel things I've never felt before.

"It doesn't really compare Punk, one drink is not how I live my life."

"So you want me black out drunk, that's what you really want. Fine we are going to need the fucking bottle!" He is angry and I'm not sure if it is at me or himself. I didn't make him drink, this is his choice still I can't help but feel worse when he grabs my glass and downs it then storms off into the kitchen. He is in the kitchen for a while so I send the picture from my phone to his and then open a new picture text. I select everyone in his contacts and send the picture with the caption, my first drink whiskey anyone want to have one with me. I wait for it too send and feel the guilt crank up a notch, as soon as it sends Punk's phone is blowing up. Text and calls are coming in but I ignore them shutting his phone off. Punk returns from the kitchen with the bottle of Jack Daniels and red eyes. Fuck he has been crying but is putting on a brave face. Oh my little kitten how I wish I was the type to just take you home and love you, but that isn't me and this old tiger is not going to change his stripes, not even for you.

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**Thank you so much for reading, please review. Oh also if you haven't then you should check out Punk doing a spinarooni in his underwear so hot lol.**

**Badgerlynne- Thank you for the review your awesome, yes Raven is going to be demanding a lot more of Punk, and it's very probable that some of it will be dangerous.**

**lamentomore- I love that kittenPunk is now a thing, and I am also looking forward to lionPunk he is coming soon. I am so glad you like the difference between the tone of the two characters. Although my Punk can be a dark broody little thing he is very naive in this story and thinks he can play with the master of mind games. I am afraid it is not working out for him so far, but he is going to be enlisting help from a few people to show Raven even the master can fall. Yes I feel bad for Colt sometimes, he always ends up being the rebound, or third wheel when Punk is paired with someone else poor guy!**

**bitter-alissa- Raven is still redeemable, and I hope I showed how much he is doubting his own plan despite the fact he went through with step one in this chapter. I do believe that Raven has met his match and Punk may be playing his own game in this chapter, he will give his POV on this next time. I really have no clue who is going to win this battle at the end but i am enjoying writing it. Raven's past will play a part in this, good catch on your part there and yes Dreamer was being protective of Raven because of it. I hope I explained some of the sudden bitterness in Raven, but more explanation will be in the future when I talk about his past. Thank you for the awesome review!**


	5. Shaken to the Core

This chapter is for lamentomori who wanted it five minutes ago, well it is not five minutes ago but Punk finally worked with me so here you go! Punk's POV

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Raven needs me to be weak, he needs me to be naive, hell he needs me to break and bleed for him. Raven's needs are overriding my own right now, not the healthiest way to start a relationship I acknowledge that however I feel like if we can get past his issues and I can prove to him that I will stay then it will be perfect. Well as perfect as either of us will allow it to be, so if I have to give up some of myself for him I will, but only for a while long enough to make my point. I would like to know more about Raven's past as soon as I can I plan on calling up Dreamer and talking to the man in a level headed fashion. My plan for the moment although it sounds crazy is to let Raven control where we are going and while he is plotting and pushing all my buttons I will claw my way into his heart. Then my real plan will start I just hope I can remember to stay clear headed around him. This weekend has been the worst, the best, the strangest, the most confusing of my life and it is all his fault.

I'm back in Chicago to grab somethings before I head back to see him at the next ROH show. I don't remember much of Saturday night besides flashes of me throwing myself at Raven and him turning me down politely, saying at one point I needed to remember my first time. I guess he is right, but he is the one who fed me the damn drinks like they were water for a dying man in the desert. Do I regret drinking for him, yes and no, it is a question I am wrestling with and can not settle on a final answer. I would do anything to prove my love to this man, to earn the trust of his blackened heart but did I go to far, and how much further will I let him push me. I have no answer the one thing I am struggling with the most is that I liked being drunk, not the drinking or the next morning, I liked the way it made me feel, it honestly felt freeing to not be hanging onto my high moral compass for a night or well two. I was able to let go of shit and just have fun, apparently according to Raven I am a slutty happy drunk, that's not a bad thing is it.

The hangover the last two mornings make me remember why I don't drink however. At least I am not traumatizing anyone but myself when I am puking my guts out. Here is the thing my dad is a raging alcoholic, and I may be slightly traumatized by this, yet at the same time drinking with Raven the last two days has allowed me a new understanding of both men so getting drunk wasn't a bad thing right? Who am I try to kid, I am not even buying the weak excuses myself. The only one I am fooling is me, even Raven can tell I'd rather be doing anything else in the world than drinking. My mind is constantly screaming at me, questioning how far I am going to go, how much of myself am I willing to give up for this man! The answer is scary because I will give up everything, every single part of me just for him to love me even for a moment and damn it that needs to change.

He is not willing to sacrifice for me, so I need to stop sacrificing for him, I need to get this relationship back on even ground, I need to find the upper hand. I need to show him that I am not the cute little kitten he referred to me as. I just need to figure out how to do this without losing him so for now I will go along with his games until I find my solution. Have I mention I am pissed beyond words at Raven for that text message he sent, yes I know about it, found out this morning upon the return of my phone. I think he thought my rage was adorable, he chuckle and patted me on the ass as I screamed about the picture, the amount of messages on my phone, and the voice mails. He sent it to everyone, every single fucking person, friends, family, acquaintances, and work contacts they all have the picture. I just pray none of them are going to put it online, I trust most but not all to have my back. Sure the first picture he sent I could have played off as Raven being as ass there was not much incriminating about me with a glass to my mouth, it could have been anything, it was the later text and pictures of me with the bottle in my hand drinking, doing shots, on my ass because I can't figure out how to make my legs work, then passed out on the bathroom floor. He sent them all and I wonder if he feels any guilt about it.

This is why I am currently alone, hiding in my apartment from the fucking world. I have small flashes from the night before and I may regret convincing Raven to let me drunk dial Ace, over protective angry at me Ace! Who I made lunch plans for this afternoon with while drunk. Why the hell would he let me call Ace of all people, right because Raven's an ass and he got amusement out of my misery this morning. I really need to get my ass in gear if I plan on making this lunch, one I want to cancel more than I have ever wanted to cancel anything. I reluctantly rise from my bed and leave my small ass apartment heading to the restaurant I think we are meeting at. I turn my phone on long enough to confirm this information from the message Ace left me this morning.

I enter the restaurant and glance around my eyes landing on my mentor, and here is my clue I should run. He is not alone, Colt and Joe are both with him and I hope they haven't noticed me yet as I contemplate backing out the door. Nope too late, Ace is staring directly at me giving a look that plainly says to get my ass over there. I walk across the room and it may have been the longest walk of my life, I feel like I am about to be grounded, like the kid whose mother just told him to wait until his father came home. Well here he is Papa Ace and he brought back up, great this is not going to be fun, in fact this may royal suck. I approach the booth and Joe stands so I can slide in effectively trapping me from any plans of escape. No one speaks and I find the pattern of the table-cloth very interesting, a waitress approaches to take our drink order and that's when I know this is going to go to hell quickly. "Do you have anything alcoholic?" Ace questions and when the women responds with the name of some beers and a couple of mix drinks everyone looks at me. "well what would you like Punk?" to be far away from here is what I would fucking like.

"Pepsi is fine" I mutter and Ace laughs, oh he is so going to make a point here so I wait for it.

"Nonsense we're celebrating, what is it you like to drink? Oh I know bring him a whiskey and Pepsi, the rest of us will have water." I glance up at him but don't bother to correct him and after giving the lady my fucking ID because I apparently look like a teenager of some shit she wanders off. I'm staring at Ace now in annoyance, the table-cloth has lost all interest to me.

"What the hell Ace? I'm not drinking so shove it up your ass and drink it yourself." I snap and he just cocks his head studying me, and once again I feel like a child about to be reprimanded. Before he can speak the waitress returns placing the drinks on the table, the amber liquid taunting me. She takes our lunch order, and flirts a little with Joe before scurrying off. Everyone is looking at me and I've had enough. "What? What the hell do you want?"

"Drink it, I mean we've already seen the pictures, we just want to see it in person."

"See what in person?"

"You giving up everything you believe in, you tossing away your morals for a man who from what I understand only sticks around for a quick fuck." Ace is nothing but brutally honest and I respect him for it but right now it stings.

"I'm not giving up what I believe in for Raven, I am just readjusting my ideals to be more realistic. He is not what everyone believes him to be, he is an amazing guy underneath it all." It sounds stupid to me, so I know they are not buying it and the drink on the table along with several more are becoming more appealing.

"He told me he was going to do this, he threatened to tear your life apart, to break you, to make you give up on everything you believe in and then leave. Did you not get my voice mail?" Yes Colt I got it, don't you think I knew this before I heard it from you, I am not as stupid as I apparently look today.

"I got your voice mail, thanks for the warning but I don't think he met it the way you took it. He can be a royal ass when he wants to mess with someone's head."

"And he is not messing with yours right Punk?" So now Joe adds his two cents "I've never known you to be so idealistic when it comes to a person. Don't you generally tend to believe the worst in everyone until they prove you wrong. Did he pressure you to drink? Is that the best he has to offer you?" I know they are all right, on so many levels I know they are right, but my heart and my head are in constant battle. I love this man, maybe for the first time in my life I love someone and maybe I'm going about it wrong, maybe I am being too trusting but I have to believe underneath it all he is a good person. He is who I believe him to be, and I love him. I want to explain this to my friends but I don't know how to find the words so I grab the drink and down it slamming the glass onto the table probably harder than I should.

"Happy now; that what you wanted; to see how far I've fallen in your eyes. So what I've had a few drinks, you all drink and I never say a word, so now you are judging me for drinking that is pretty damn hypocritical of all of you. How many times have I played designated driver, how many times have I help your asses to bed? So what I had a few drinks get the fuck over it, I'm an adult Raven didn't push me into anything in fact he told me to leave, that we wouldn't fucking work and that I should just leave I am the one who took the drink." Another drink appears in front of me and I look up at the waitress with a grateful smile, I really want to be numb for all of this. I reach for the new glass, and Ace pulls it away and I frown at him.

"I'll give it back in a few minutes if that is what you want, but first I have a few things to say to you. He told you to leave, he gave you an ultimatum drink with me or leave, that is not love hell that isn't even caring about someone. What is going to be next, you going to get high with him? That is where it is heading I hope you see that, he is playing with your head, he knows you have feeling for him and he is taking advantage. You are a lot stronger than that, falling for his games is beneath you. Tell me the pictures he sent are you okay with that, couldn't of been you who sent them you were too drunk. Everyone you know, everyone has seen them Punk, your family, your little sisters, your agents, and bookers, hell Gabe called me and asked what the hell was going on. Are you okay with him trashing your reputation, do you really think that love is about destroying someone? Also if you ever drunk dial me again I will beat the living shit out of you. We are not judging you Punk, we are concerned, we are scared for you that's what people who love you and care for you do." he is right, he is so right where ever these games of Raven's are going could be dangerous and I need to put a stop to them, but that doesn't mean I need to give up on Raven does it. Ace slides the glass over to me and I shake my head pushing it away, I place my head down onto my arms blinking back the tears.

Our lunch comes but I don't acknowledge this, I have no appetite so my plate is placed in the middle of the table since my head is in the way. I listen to them eating, thinking and coming to the conclusion I need to give up Raven for my own sanity. I won't be around him unless it is work related, I will not talk to him. I will stay far away, and as I decide this my head starts to feel better my heart on the other hand is breaking. Determined as I am I sit up and grab my plate eating, I reach across the table stealing Ace's water and he shrugs as he sips at my drink.

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I ride with the guys to the ROH show, and we have a good time there is almost a feeling of relief in the car. Raven calls a few times and I ignore him, he texts me and I ignore that, although I know I can not ignore him forever it is a start of reclaiming my heart. When we get to the venue however all my convection is shaken, Raven is alone in the corner he looks so sad, lonely, lost I want to go to his side instead I stick with my friends, torn between the two. He approaches me a few minutes before show time "We need to discuss our match" very formal, professional no indication of any emotions. I nod and follow him out into the hallway as soon as we are out of sight of the locker room he turns and grabs me smashing me into a wall. His lips are on mine before I can speak, and my determination falls away faster than a cheetah can run. His lips and hands are everywhere and I am clinging to him "are you staying with me tonight" he asks before sucking on the side of my neck. I nod yes and I can feel his smirk.

"We will go get a few drinks after the show not to many as I want you to remember every moment of the night. I have some very big plans for you." I nod again not caring I feel his hand slide into the back of my shorts, and his fingers trail to my entrance. He kisses me hard as a dry digit enters me, I buck forward trying to escape the pain but he is insistent, and soon I am whining in pleasure. His finger found a spot inside of me that is driving me over the edge quickly. I am pushing back onto his digit as he fucks me with it hard. His leg is between mine and I am fucking my erection on his thigh. I can feel his erection against me but he seems not to care about it and I have a feeling this is part of another mind game but I am so over stimulated that I do not give a fuck. Mere minutes later I explode in my shorts, which is going to be very fucking embarrassing if I can not clean up before we go out in front of the fans. His finger slides out of me and he gives me another harsh kiss all teeth and tongue crashing together. "Ditch your friends, tell them to mind their own fucking business and be ready for a very long night kitten. I'll call the match in the ring, see ya out there." With that he walks away and I am sinking to the floor attempting to catch my breath. I'm a complete mess, and he just scored another fucking point.

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**Thank you so much for reading! Please review!**

**Badgerlynn- Punk is very much conflicted and I hope that is shown somewhat in this chapter. Punk's desperation for Raven is really taking him down a dangerous road and becoming an alcoholic is a concern I think for his friends more than for Punk himself right now. He is playing a game he wants to win, but is holding all the wrong cards. Thank you for the review!**

**lamentomori- You are so right is Punk is a kitten then Colt is a puppy! Always wanting to please, craving affection, willing to do anything to help out Punk, always chasing after him so a puppy! Raven likes to think he is a lot bigger and tougher then he is, he would like to think he is the king of the jungle, but in reality he should watch out for those cats they have very sharp teeth and claws, and even a clever bird can be caught in his own trap. I like your theories and if Raven would have allowed would have so gone with them! Don't worry however Punk is going to start reversing the game on Raven in the next chapter and sinking his cute little claws in very deeply. There is also going to be some fun smut! **


	6. Turn Around is Only Fair

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

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I stand beside my car waiting and watching, he has yet to appear from the building and his friends are waiting across the parking lot. I wonder who he will chose to go home with me or them, if he chose me then once again I score a point, if he chooses them then he does. It means he is stronger then I am giving him credit for and I need to work a little harder to break his friendships to pieces. The familiar hoodie appears in a the doorway and olive eyes dart back and for the between the two cars. I open the passenger door and gesture inside, his eyes are on mine and he takes a few steps before I hear Ace calling to him. He is the one I need to worry about the most, Punk listens to him, takes his advice and strongly believes he is always looking out for him. I need to turn this to my favor, another goal I add to my list. I glance at the other two men and see two very easy targets, Colt may be the best friend but that will be why he is so easy to get rid of. Jealousy works magic, and it won't take long for the happy go lucky Colt to feel left out, and left behind. The third is a female I have never seen before and seems to be what is making Punk pause at coming to me. I must find out who this girl is and get rid of her the looks she is sending my way are quite hostile.

Punk is suddenly right in front of me and I can't tell if he has made up his mind or is coming to tell me he will talk to me later. "My sister Chez is here, I wasn't expecting her so I should go hang out with them for a while." He goes to turn and I grab his elbow leading him to the open car door.

"You think this wasn't planned? Her being here is not a coincidence, look at them they all want to drag you away from me. Someone you care about and they want to take you from me. Tell me you can see this is a set up and that you know if you leave with them its going to be more bitching, more complaining and telling you how terrible of a person I am." He hesitates but nods that he understands me. "Get in the car Punk, let's go have some fun and remind all of them they don't control your life, that you are a big boy, an adult who can make his own choices. You are able to make choices for yourself right?" He doesn't respond just throws his bag into my back seat and slides into the car, I can't help but smirk at the trio across the lot, I win and they have to know their grip on Punk is slipping. Ace is heading our way and I think about allowing him to catch up, to force him into a fight and have Punk choose a side but I feel it is a little too early for this. So instead I slide into the driver's side and flip him off as I drive away.

I watch him from the corner of my eye as I drive my attention not on the road as it should be. He is staring at the chipped polish on his nails and I wonder how long he is going o be silent. "Where do you want to go, it is your choice, I will never make you do anything Punk. Your hotel, a bar, my place everything is your choice." He glances up at the road and takes a deep breath.

"Can you pull over for a moment we need to talk about something." I guide the car to the side of the road and turn to him he seems very serious and I wonder what this is about.

"You are right Raven, I can not fully understand who you are without living like you for a while, but at the same time if I am going to do this for you, I feel you should do the same for me. If you want to fully understand me than you need to embrace being straight edge." I'm stunned I did not see this coming, hell maybe I didn't think he was smart enough, or clever enough to turn the tables on me but that is what he is doing right now.

"I've been sober before Punk I know what its like I've already lived that way." Punk laughs harshly in my face and I see the wheels turning behind those green eyes.

"Not sober, straight edge there is a different. People are sober because they don't drink. Straight edge is a life style, it is a choice, it is a belief and I want you to live it. You will if you want to understand me." I understand what he means, I know the difference straight edge is hardcore, there is nothing half way about being straight edge.

"You are not exactly straight edge hardcore right now Punk, so how would this help me understand you?" He scoffs at me and waves a hand dismissively and it irritates the hell out of me but I just wait for him to answer.

"So right now I am struggling with my belief doesn't mean I don't still find solace in the fundamentals of straight edge, and Raven darling I am only doing this right now so we can be close. You can falter in your belief and still go back to being straight edge, hell if anything this may make my belief stronger. If you want me to cooperate on living your life style then you need to give to me equally and agree to live mine. It will bring us closer I guarantee it." I roll my eyes and turn to look out the window.

"Fine Punk I will embrace being you for a few days, is there some cult handbook I should read." He punches my shoulder lightly but gives me a soft smile.

"No handbooks just ask if you have a question. It's not for a few days, as long as you want me to live like Raven you live like Punk that is the deal. Lets go to a bar and you can start right now, I will drink and you can judge me isn't that how it works." He is throwing my own words back in my face and I can not help but admire the back bone I am seeing appear,granted I am going to squash it but it is adorable that the kitten thinks he can put one over on me. It is about to bite him in the ass. I reach into my pocket and pull out the bag of pills, I toss them into his lap.

"You are living like me now Punk, I take one of those every two to three hours. Hell I am past due in popping one right now, so go ahead live like me Punk." He picks up the baggie inspecting the pills slowly, stalling for time.

"Even you as addicted as you are wouldn't take something without knowing what the fuck they are Raven." I laugh because he is right and I reach out wrapping my hand around his neck I pull him across the car and kiss him, probably more gently then I had planned. I explore leisurely wondering how someone who can have such a poisonous attitude can taste so sweet like wine. I savor the taste for a few moments before pulling back.

"It's nothing too extreme, I have mainly giving up my illegal drug days, though occasionally I still use so be prepared I will ask you to do that at some point. These are vicodin, a painkiller, I have pain from all my years in the ring so I take them. However I think I'll let you wait until morning to try your first one, tonight I want to dominate this ass and you need to feel everything. So let's go back to my place and have some fun, unless that is not straight edge of me." He slides the pills into his pocket and gives me an annoyed look.

"Are we in a relationship Raven?" I nod hell we've been together more than apart lately, and if both are going to keep our word then we are willing to sacrifice for each other so yup I guess in its own twisted warped way we are together. "Then it is fine, you just can't sleep with anyone outside of the relationship." An idea pops into my head and I start the car beginning to drive.

"You should, it is what I would do. Hell I would sleep with Colt, give him what he so obviously wants and then break his cute little heart. It's who I am, so you should probably figure out who you're going to fuck around with behind my back because I don't do monogamy." Punk pales and turns to me slowly.

"Colt doesn't want to sleep with me Raven and I will not do that to him, even if you could be that cruel I can not be ever." A bitter laugh escapes my lips and I glance over at him knowing I'm souring his mood but it is very easy to turn Punk on so I have no worries.

"I'm a bit of a whore Punk, it is easy then being with someone more than once. If you don't see how Colt trails after you like a puppy dog then you are blind. Your other option would be Ace, I sleep with people to push them away that is part of being me." I see him visibly cringe when I suggest sleeping with Ace, or being a whore I wonder if that will be the line he refuses to cross.

"Does that mean you are only sleeping with me once, and I should enjoy tonight because you'll be gone tomorrow?"

"Nope I am straightedge I believe in relationships, that would be your behavior not mine. However if I was like you, then I would stick around and see where this goes it could be a disaster but pretty amazing before it crashes and burns." I see a slight smile as we near my place but the wheels are still turning in that pretty head of his. "What are you sulking about kitten?" He glances at me and plays with the phone in his hand, it is on silent but I can see a multitude of missed calls and texts on the screen.

"I'd have to be an idiot to try to mess with Ace, but that is exactly what you would do isn't it. Go for the meanest, most protective dog in the yard. Fine but you can not get jealous, you are demanding this, I'll proposition him and like you won't take no for an answer." I pull into my driveway and we sit in silence, once again that inkling of guilt is creeping in and I think perhaps I should just bring him back to the hotel and call this whole damn thing off. I go to ask him where he is staying but he is out of the car and heading for the door. I follow and he glances back at me a seductive gleam in his eyes. I unlock the door and he walks inside dropping his crap in the hall, he turns to look at me.

His hoodie hits the floor, followed by his shirt, I take a deep breath my dick immediately coming to life. I watch as those fingers undo his pants and they slide over those perfect hips and down revealing incredible legs. Pants on this man should be illegal, hell he needs to start wrestling in less clothing, the shorts need to go. He toes off his sneakers and then he is standing there in his underwear and the way he is watching me causes me to swallow hard, this kid know how to seduce you with just a look in his eye, the kitten is gone replaced by a purring tiger waiting to be stroked, a fire in him I've never noticed. Oh he is a tiger right now, and he is ready to pounce and I am so the very willing prey. Those skimpy underwear are slid off and I drink him in, he allows me the time to study every inch and then I am across the hall and he is against the wall as my hands and mouth are everywhere. His hands are tearing at my clothing and I step back ridding the barrier between our skin as fast as I possibly can. I am on him before the last article of clothing can hit the floor. His hands are all over me, and I moan as our erections brush, we need to get to the bedroom before this goes too far. His first time should not be against a wall, it should mean something and be slow, sensual, and the best thing he has ever felt. I don't know why I care about this with him, no one else have I ever cared about where I fuck him.

I reach down and grab his legs lifting up, he immediate wraps them around my waist and my hands are filled with that beautiful ass. I go to move and he pulls back giving me a look. "Shouldn't we fuck right here, isn't a bed too good for your usual whore?" I walk quickly down the hall into my room and toss him forceful onto the bed.

"Don't do that" I snap at him and he gives me a confused look "Do not cheapen this, don't fucking play games with this Phil, it is too important for both of us. I need... Hell I want. . ." I am at a loss for words but his eyes soften and he reaches out to me. I take his hand and he pulls me down, I lay on him, keeping my weight on my hands so not to crush him. I stare into those olive orbs, and I can see the depth of emotions he has been hiding, he is nervous, he is aroused, and he is in love with me. Damn it all to hell, I had been trying to prevent that but now I see it is too late. It's why he has been so agreeable to my demands he loves me and damn me if that doesn't cause a warmth and a feeling of joy to spread through my veins.

I want that gorgeous smart ass mouth around me but right now I need inside of him more. I know I should prep him, prepare him for what is about to happen so I slide a finger to his lips. He doesn't need to be told he takes in the digit sucking and twirling his tongue around it and my dick jumps in future anticipation of that tongue doing the same to it. I push his legs further apart with my knees and slide my finger out of his mouth with a cute little pop. I reach between our bodies and run that finger across his hole and there is my kitten again. Purring, whimpering, insistent for more before we even have started. I tease and toy before sliding my finger into his tight heat, he arches with a slight hiss his hands grip my arm and I slap them away. "Nope you are going to very patient, I am not interested in tearing your ass apart so keep those cute little hips of yours still and your hands at your side." He takes a deep breath but complies with me and I work my finger slowly in and out, sweat is glistening on his skin and his hands clench the sheets but he remains still.

I add a second finger and start to twist as I push them in, the sound he makes I would love to hear for the rest of my life, and when I find that little pleasure bundle in side I feel his lips try to lift so I smack his side lightly. "Stay still Phil, you are not ready yet." I myself am beyond ready I want to be so deep inside of him right now but first I want to see him cum, like earlier by only my finger I want to watch him come undone again. Once I feel those clenching muscles around my finger relax I begin a relentless pace, driving them in and out watching as his muscle jerk from the need to move. His breath increasing, his eyes clouding over and the pleas fall from his lips begging for me to fuck him, begging for permission to touch himself. I give him neither and I just watch as my fingers push him over the edge once again.

Even after he erupts I keep my pace in his tight heat, refusing to back off even when he begs me to stop for a second. He is soon hard again and that is when I finally remove my fingers, I swipe the cum from his stomach and use it to stroke my hard length lubricating it. I then swipe one last time and bring the fingers to my lips sucking his essence from them, and damn if he doesn't taste better than anything I have ever tasted, he could be very addicting. He is watching me through those hazy eyes as I suck his cum from my fingers. "You taste amazing" I state and slide a finger into his mouth watching as he cleans it off.

"Salty, I taste salty" I shake my head seeing that he is missing the subtle essence of the greatness that is his taste, the unique flavor linger on my lips. I lean down and capture his lips with my own.

"Are you ready?" I have never once asked my partner about being ready, never once cared if they got off, never once wanted to see them come undone but with him I want everything, I just may be getting in over my head. At his nod I push inside slowly, until my balls are tight against his ass. HE is struggling with the pain, and the fullness his breathing erratic as he shifts beneath me. I hold him still and reach between our bodies stroking him and wait for him to relax. Waiting is probably the hardest thing I have ever done, he is so tight I just want to drive in hard, fast, I want to tear his ass apart. Instead I wait and watch his face, his hands have left the bed and he clenched them tight around my arms as I slide out slowly, almost fully then push back in. I keep this slow pace changing angles until I find what I am seeking, his face comes from uncomfortable to bliss in a heart beat, His arms slide around my neck and he is moving his hips insistently.

I laugh and increase my pace making sure to hit his sweat spot with every thrust, it doesn't take long and I am pounding into him his moans and gasps, sending me harder, faster into that tight little body. He cums again, and I think it catches him by surprises but he cries out to me as he explodes. I slow my pace not wanting this to be over yet, and once he comes down a little I go back to my brutal pace. I do this one more time send him over the edge, only to bring him back to the peak quickly, before I know I am close so I take his harder length and stroke to the same pace and the noises he is making I will never forget. "Cum with me kitten, let go again." He does and screams my name not Raven but Scott tumbles from his lips over and over again, his tightness triggers my own eruption and I can not help but cry out his name. "Fuck Phil" I cry wanting to tell him how amazing this feels, how wonderful I think he is but words are not enough. I want to confess I love him, and that scares the hell out of me. Love has never been kind to this man. Instead I collapse on top of him, and wait to catch my breath. Once I do I give him a quick kiss then roll away facing the wall, ignore that he is even in my bed. I can feel his eyes on my back for a while, before he sighs and stands he goes into the bathroom and I feel guilty for not cleaning him up. He returns and lays down beside of me, and I can tell he is facing away, his eyes no longer bore into my soul. I hear after a while his breathing become deeper, even out and I turn slowly. The man is asleep, and I very carefully move closer pulling him into my arms.

I snuggle him close and feel the comfort I want, "I love you" I whisper into the silence of the room as I am about to drift off to sleep. A confession I will only make when he is lost in dreams or not around to hear me. I love this man, and now I will destroy us.

* * *

**Thank you for reading, please review!**

**lamentomore- Raven the little birdie's games are going to come back and bite him in the ass in the next two chapters. lets just say his actions change everyone and everything. I can so see puppyColt hiding behind Ace and I am afraid he won't be for much longer, puppyColt is going to be very angry soon! I already have the next chapter done and things are going to explode, my kittyPunk finally corporate and demanding I write his part as soon as possible lol.**


	7. Drugs and Other Sins

_"Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense."_

Punk's POV

He thinks I am asleep when his confession leaves his lips and I almost forget to breath when he tells me he loves me. I keep my ruse of sleep in place until I am sure he is asleep and then I slip from his arms. I go out of the room and retrieve my bag and our clothes, I bring them back to the room and pull on my jeans, a brush a quick kiss across Raven's forehead before heading back to the living room. I sit down carefully on the couch I ache but in a way that is the most comforting I have ever felt. It means despite it all that I am winning, sometimes you have to lose to win and I am winning. He cares despite it all he cares about me.

I pull my phone and the baggie of pills from my pocket, I know in order to win this war I will need to throw more of myself away and that is crushing but at the same time I could save him and maybe at the end of all of this that is what will be worth it. I open the baggie and pull a pill from inside deciding I'd rather be alone the first time I do this. I place the pill in my mouth and swallow it dry not sure how long it will take before I feel the side effects. I unlock my phone and go over the messages from Colt, Ace, and Chez not of them surprise me, hell if anything they are nicer then I thought they would be. However the voice mails start out pleading,, nice, caring, then turn to threats and finally to anger. I hate what I am doing to my family and I have a feeling it is only going to get worse, especially since he wants me to sleep with someone close to me. I am not even sure how to seduce Ace, and I will never go there with Colt it would just give him hope. I am not blind like Raven believe I just chose to hang onto my friendship in hopes Colt will move on.

I wonder over to Raven's bar and pour myself a drink, I toss back a few wondering when it became so easy to drink, why I would be doing it to get my courage up. Why the hell I'm sitting in a dark room with a bottle and it is not bothering me, just giving me a feeling or warmth and comfort. This may be a problem, one I am so not going to analyze right now. Hell I am starting to feel slightly numb and maybe even tired but I need to call someone and let them know I am fine. I open my favorites and select Ace's name. The phone rings a few times before I hear his voice grumble on the other end. "Where the fuck are you?"

"Well hello to you too, you sound like you were asleep though it makes your voice very sexy" I want to slap myself great my ability to flirt is pathetic.

"What. . . what the hell, Punk where are you?" I pull the phone away from my ear and take a deep breath.

"I'm fine, I'm at Raven's sorry about earlier but I wish you had told me Chez is here, I had already made plans. Ace can I ask you something?" I hear him moving, shifting in bed most likely.

"What is it Punk, it is late and you made yourself pretty clear earlier."

"Are you ever lonely, does this life ever make you feel like you want more? I'm lonely, I surround myself with people but I'm lonely. It feels like everything we work so hard for causes us to lose everything else. I miss being with someone, going to the movies, holding someone's hand. Feeling them above me, inside me, with me. Do you ever miss that Ace?" There is a long silence and I'm sure he either fell back to sleep or hung up on me his voice catches me off guard.

"Phil everyone feels alone at some point, even in a crowd you can feel like no one understands or cares. I get lonely and yes we sacrifice for our dreams but I promise you someday it will pay off for you. I would like to have everything you just mentioned and of course miss it but it needs to mean something Phil. I swear that Raven can not be that for you, I think you should look a little closer to home for the love you are craving." I know he means Colt hell everyone knows he means Colt but I need to keep him out of this conversation. The pill and liquor are starting to take over and I try to focus on my thoughts.

"Closer to home like you Ace? I never knew you felt that way."

"Not me you know who I mean, have you ever thought he would be so much better for you then Raven." I want to scream Colt, Colt, Colt is all anyone talks about. I need Ace to focus on me not him and a thought forms in my head.

"I'm high right now and a little drunk Ace and I'm scared I'm losing myself I need someone to take care of me, I don't think I can do it on my own." Raven finds my vulnerable side irresistible maybe others do as well. "I feel like I've fallen so far, and I need someone strong enough to keep me away from him. I don't know if I can make it alone, I need someone to erase the memory of him from my mind. Colt is not strong enough to do that, I get he loves me but I don't feel the same way Ace. I need you, can't you see that. Love me just once and I will never go back to Raven, please Ace don't let me fall." I'm not sure if I am lying some of this seems like the truth, not wanting Ace I don't but losing myself, and needing someone to take care of me rings true in my own mind. I need another drink, I can not think about this it is all going to be worth it in the end I swear.

"Why me Punk, why are you bringing this to my doorstep? Don't make me the bad guy to Colt, he needs friends right now as his best friend has ditched him. His dad is not doing well do you know that? I know you promised to help but I have not sen you be supportive to him once since his dad went to the hospital. You talk about sacrificing for wrestling, well you are sacrificing everything for Raven. Get sober and start being a better friend and brother to those around you. The only person making you feel lonely is Raven. When you are sober we will talk about what you just asked me until then my suggestion is go sleep it off." He does hang up then leaving me with a hell of a lot to think about unfortunately thinking is not something my brain feels like doing so I stand and make my way back to Raven not loving the cloudiness in my brain at the moment.

* * *

I awake to the feeling of arms and an erection pushing against my entrance, lips trail my neck and a smile crosses my face. I push back against Raven and he raises my leg sliding inside of me, the ache turns into a pain and I moan. The burn feels good but something feels wrong I turn my head and stare into the face of Colt. I sit up suddenly, waking from a dead sleep not for the first time during the night either, dreams of Ace and Colt haunted me throughout the sleeping hours and I am grateful to see the sun shining in the window and that I am alone in bed. I glance at the empty place beside me and see a note from Raven letting me know he went to the gym, I wish he was here then I wouldn't have time to think over Ace's words, but he is not and everything is coming back to haunt me. I leave the comfort of the bed and take a quick shower, dressing I pack up my shit and head into the living room with my bag to retrieve my phone seeing the bag of pills I grab them and stuff them into my pocket. I leave Raven a note telling him I am heading back to Chicago to deal with some family shit, that I will see him at the next show and to call me.

I walk back to the hotel we are staying at wondering if everyone is still there or if they left for home already. I have no clue what I am going to do I debate on sticking with the plan, or letting it all go and going back to the old Punk who in reality hasn't been happy in a long time. Maybe I could be with Colt, he adores me and would do anything to make me happy, or Ace even Ace could I be with him? Colt would bore me, and Ace would treat me like a child so neither are an option. I arrive at the hotel still conflicted and my phone goes off I pull it out and see a text from Raven. _I hate fucking texting but wanted to make sure everything is okay, and that you know if you need me just ask. I will come to Chicago and help with any family shit._ My heart swells he is offering me help, offering to take care of me and I can't help but smile. _I just need to go home and help Colt take care of his dad, he has been real sick lately and he is like a father to me so I need to help out. I hope you have a good few days I am going to miss you._ He doesn't respond again and I hope me going home to take care of Colt doesn't make him jealous. I slide my key card into the lock and let myself into the room, heads turn and a few moments later Chez is hugging me tightly.

I return her hug and look at Ace and Colt. Colt is smiling brightly as if nothing has happened and Ace is glaring daggers and I can't help but look away from his eyes. "Colt, Chez why don't you two go grab some breakfast. Punk and I need to speak alone." I shake my head at Ace now is not the time I still have no idea what to do.

"Nope why don't we just head back to Chicago, Colt and I need to go visit his dad, and I have some shit to get done. How about we hold off on this conversation until tonight when I am feeling better. We could grab some dinner and hang out Ace." Everyone stares at him before he nods and before long we are on the road. I sit with colt and talk softly to him about his dad, getting information he hadn't shared the heart attack was worse than they expected, and he may need surgery. I slap him lightly and told him he needs to tell me this shit. He snuggles into me and I hold him and my eyes meet Ace's in the rear view mirror, he is right and that so sucks. I've been neglecting my life and I need to figure this shit out fast.

* * *

I stand outside Ace's door unsure of what I am going to do when I go through it, my mind is a jumbled mess and the liquor and pills I have taken behind Colt's back today are not helping me think straight. I stopped for a few drinks before coming here, liquid courage and all yet now I am wondering if it is a bad idea. My palms are sweaty and I glance at my watch seeing that if I am keeping to Raven's time frame I need to take another pill, I pull out the bag and shake a few into my hand maybe more than one will help me be numb through the upcoming chaos. I pop four of them into my mouth swallowing them down, followed by another two just in case and I take a deep breath. I push open the door and call Ace's name, he comes out of the kitchen and gives me a disappointed look at once. "Go lay on the couch and fucking sleep it off Punk." I ignore him and head across the room stopping right in front of him. I grab the front of his shirt and just slam my lips against his trying to pretend it is Raven. He stands still not moving so I reach down and rub the front of his jeans hoping for a reaction, I get one I was not expecting as I am tossed onto the coach and his hand lands on my chest holding me in place. "Pass out Punk and stop acting like an ass." I try to find him briefly before giving up and settling into the cushions, the thing is I got a reaction from his body as well. He was hard as a rock when I touched his crotch, he is at least attracted to me and that I can work with. As soon as he backs away I am on him again this time I am on my knees in front of him yanking his pants open, he goes to step away but stops the moment my lips wrap around his length.

Okay I officially feel like a whore now who is taking advantaged of his friends. I sigh and pull off of him leaning against the couch I shake my head. "Sorry, I know you don't want to do this. I'm sorry, just really messed up right now Ace." Ace's eyes are closed and he is taking a few deep breaths, I am suddenly yanked to my feet and Ace has me bent over the couch with my pants down around my feet.

"I don't know if you need a good fucking spanking, or a good fuck right now Punk maybe both. I am going to give you want you want, then you can run back to Raven for his approval because he is directing all of this isn't he Punkers. Would you be here if he didn't want you here?" I shake my spinning head no, and he growls. "Tell him it is not going to work no matter what he does I am still going to be here for you, you are still going to have people who care and love you." He slams inside of me and Gasp at the pain, no prep and the fact that this is new to me makes it hurt but he doesn't stop. He fucks me brutally making a point with each thrust. "You are his whore Punk" he states more than once and I know he is right and that this is all out of anger and not knowing how to help me, he is trying to fuck some sense into me. My body is responding to him though, and as I lay my head across the cushion and one of my best friends brutally fucks me I explode a low moan escaping my throat. He follows not soon after and yanks out quickly I fumble with my pants not meeting his eyes. "Was that fun for you, did you fucking enjoy it?"

"No it felt all wrong, it felt dirty and like I was using you, I'm fucking sorry." He steps closer and pulls me into a hug and I look up at him he pushes my blonde hair out of my eyes.

"Stop playing his game you won't win, this is just the tip of the iceberg on what he is going to ask from you. Trust me I've talked to some of his exes, do yourself a favor and call them, hell talk to Dreamer he told me some interesting things you need to know." I nod slowly his words are hard to focus on hell everything is hard to focus on with the way the room is spinning.

"Ace I don't feel good, I think I took too much." My words are slurred and I find myself being lowered to the floor I can read the look of concern on his face and see he is talking but I can not make out what he is saying. I feel hands on me and the baggie is out of my pocket and Ace is studying it, I watch as he grabs his phone, I want to tell him I just need to sleep. The next thing I feel is hands picking me up and I see the white of a stretcher, I can make out some words and overdose is stated more than once. I see Ace hand them the pills and I focus the EMT keeps saying it is PCP and I think that is not possible, he wouldn't lie to me about something that serious would he?

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**Thank you for reading, please review. Reviews motivate me to write faster so please hit the button! Anyone with any requests for pairings, oneshots, or smutty ideas send them to me. I am trying to figure out a happy story to write as mine all have been angsty and dark and I fear I am abusing my Punkers Muse lol.**

**lamentomori- The little birdie has no clue what he is getting into by messing with papaAce! Ace may have given in but he knows it was all a set up and Raven is now clearly in his sights. The birdie better be able to fly fast as he is in some deep trouble. Poor kittyPunk always so determined to get what he wants he is not thinking through the consequences, in his eyes the sacrifices he is making will only lead to happiness I am afraid it may lead to disaster if he doesn't watch out. The victory in the last chapter is a hollow one for Punk, in truth the game the two are playing all the victories are hollow nobody is really winning despite what they make think, I am in control not my muses damn it! Lets just say that Ace, Raven and Punk are all about to learn that you can only kick the puppy so many times before his cuteness becomes fury! Thank you so much for reviewing and I will so look forward to your opinion on this chapter!**


	8. Man Up!

Ace POV

I keep questioning what I was thinking, I knew the moment he walked into my place he was out of his mind, Yet I gave into an attraction, a primal urge, I am after all only human and very flawed and Punk is a beautiful son of a bitch. I told myself I was just teaching him a lesson, the Punk I know would never have a one night stand, or cheat on someone he loves. Yet he is not the Punk I know right now and I took advantage and now I feel like shit. He is sleeping on my couch after having his stomach pumped and spending the night in the emergency room they released him. He is oddly quiet for him, he didn't talk at all on the way back to my place, he seemed very deep in thought and I am hoping that means he is realizing what he is doing, and what could have happened last night. We need to have a talk, when he is in a better frame of mind, I need to apologize for my behavior. I almost wish what he said on the phone was the truth that he wouldn't go back to Raven. That he wanted to be with me, hell I would throw myself head first into a relationship with him if it meant the Punk I know would return.

I've known Punk long enough to know when he is lying by the tone in his voice, and I know he lied on the phone, hell when he got to my apartment he was lying. I hate myself for giving in and that is most likely why I waited to call Colt until we arrived back at my place. I reassured the man that Punk was going to be fine, but he is still on the way and I need to prepare myself I can not allow Colt to ever find out about what happened last night it would ruin our friendship. I've known for a while that Colt has feelings that are beyond friendly for Punk, hell I think everyone knows including Punk. I feel like I betrayed both of them, I've always been their protector, defending them, pushing them, teaching them. Now I've used Punk (although he was using me) and hurt Colt in a way I never imagined which is why he can never know.

By the time there is a knock at my door I am a wreck if I don't pull it together then Colt will know without me telling him. I take several deep breaths and pull open the door allowing Colt to enter along with Joe. I raise an eyebrow at the man's presence and glance to Colt. "We were hanging out when you called" in other words they were fucking, they have been fuck buddies for a while and no one questions the relationship. I think for Colt it is a matter of convince and Joe I'm not really sure of his motives. I am almost certain Punk doesn't know about the casual encounters between the two, if he did I think there would be more animosity between Punk and Joe. Yes I think there is some underlying feelings on Punk's part to Colt but Punk is stubborn and so fixated on raven he does not see what is in front of his face.

"Punk's asleep right now, passed out as soon as we got back from the ER." Colt walked over to the couch inspecting Punk with his eyes and sighing deeply. He glances at me and then takes a seat on the floor in front of the couch taking Punk's hand and just holding it.

"Why didn't you call sooner I would have come to the ER?" I shrug and take a seat in the recliner while Joe sits on the floor close to Colt.

"I didn't want you to spend the whole night worrying, the EMT's already told me he was going to be fine it was just a matter of getting the crap out of his system, his vitals were strong. He took a lot of the shit but because his system isn't use to it, he reacted to what others would use regularly. I promise there was no reason to call" Plus I needed to get my head together before I called anyone, figure out what to say if anyone ever found out what happened.

"He has really gone off the rails hasn't he?' Joe spoke softly as he studied Punk with concern "So what are we going to do?" No answers came, because in reality we never thought we would face this with Punk. The self doubts, the insecurities, the pissed off attitude we all know how to deal with but this was a whole new level and we are at a loss. This is self destruction in a way we can't seem to figure out or understand, the Punk we knew would never sacrifices himself for a relationship yet we are watching in happen in front of our own eyes. "Well obviously Raven is playing head games with Punk, so why don't we put ourselves in the picture. Give him a choice Raven or the rest of us, make him see what he has to lose." Colt and I both shake are heads.

"Would never work, Punk would give us up and look at it as more people leaving, giving up on him. He has abandonment issues so he would just lash out at all of us. I think we actually need to do the opposite, Raven seems to want to push us all away from Punk so he needs him more. So we should insert ourselves very firmly in his life, hell in his relationship to the point Raven knows we are not going anywhere." Colt is probably right but haven't I inserted myself into Punk's relationship enough after last night, I kind of would love Joe's idea to work. I notice Punk is stirring and making a motion with my hand for everyone to drop it, we can not discuss the game plan in front of Punk. When those green orbs open he glances around slowly taking in everyone, with a deep breath he sits up tugging Colt off the floor and beside of him. Joe wrinkles his nose when Punk snuggles into Colt's side and I wonder if there isn't more going on for Joe then there is for Colt.

"Ace I'm sorry for last night, for all of it, I wasn't thinking and I shouldn't have done what I did." Okay I want Punk to shut up, we so don't need to talk about it in front of everyone.

"It's okay lets not discuss it right now you still look tired try and get some rest." Colt is studying Punk and I really hope the man just lets it the fuck go. I have no such look as he decides to question Punk.

"What happened last night, decides you overdosing?" I shake my head at Punk praying to every deity in existence he keeps his mouth shut.

"I threw myself at Ace, he tried to turn me down but I was persistent because Raven asked me to be. I am so fucking stupid, Ace is right nobody is winning this mind fuck we have going on. I think I really need to let Raven go, it is so not worth feeling like this, or losing myself. Hell I am sitting here thinking I really want to forget last night, and a great way to do that would be to go have a few drinks.. Isn't that fucked up I got my stomach pumped and I want a fucking drink." Punk snuggles more into Colt, I wonder if he feels the tension that is so obviously streaming of the man in waves.

"Wait you threw yourself at Ace and he tried to turn you down? Just tried? Not succeeded?" Yup give Colt a gold star he put two and two together and the happy go lucky optimistic man I know is glaring daggers at me. I think the temperature in the room just dropped below freezing, at least for three of us. One of us is still toasty warm in Colt's arms.

"Yeah I mean it wasn't his fault mine really, no big deal won't happen again." Colt is no longer looking at me instead he is staring down at Punk.

"You don't have one night stands" he snaps and that catches Punk's attention he pulls back looking at Colt "What am I saying you don't do a lot of shit you seem to be embracing lately. What the fuck is wrong with you lately? Are you really so obsessed with a guy that you give up on your beliefs that fucking easy? Or is there more going on here, I am so tired of tip toeing around the issues with you lately. Man up, grow a pair, and fucking tell us what is going on because this can not all be about Raven. If it is then pathetic doesn't look good on you Punk. As far as you Ace we will have a conversation very soon, but not with the current audience." I nod knowing the inevitable is going to happen, however I am mainly studying Punk's face I can not usually read him well but now I am pretty sure a fight is looming.

"Really Colt, not in front of the current audience, why do the fuck do you even care that Ace fucked me? Huh why do you care? Right because you don't have the balls to tell me the truth instead you use Joe as my fucking substitute." Okay so I'm wrong Punk does know, I wonder when that happened. "I have a lot of shit going on in my life Colt that I don't run to you about, so sorry I can not be the eternally optimistic comedic sidekick. How about you man the fuck up and be honest because it's pathetic that you trail after me like a fucking puppy!" Okay defensive Punk is being evasive and I wonder what the other shit in his life is and make a mental note to figure it out later, now would be the complete wrong time.

"I don't fucking know what you mean Punk. I don't have to man up about anything and it is now obvious how you think of me." Colt stands and goes to walk towards the door but Punk is on his feet and in his path very quickly I move to the edge of my seat in case fists start flying and notice Joe standing to lean against the wall in a casual but alert position.

"What part didn't you get when I mentioned you fucking Joe, you reek of him right now. Forgot to take a shower before you came over? How long you been doing that? Or the fact that you have no fucking back bone. Ace took what he wanted, hell he bent me over the couch and fucked the hell out of me and I enjoyed every second of it. You would never fucking have the nerve to do that, instead you use some I don't even know what this is" He gestures towards Joe in anger, and I realize where his anger is coming from he just figured out they were fucking and he is being typical Punk and having a knee jerk reaction. Colt's hands are clenched and from my position I can not see his face but Joe is inching closer so I know it can not be good.

"Fuck you Phillip, you don't want me as a friend fine get the hell out of my way and I will leave, you've made it clear I am nothing more then a sidekick. What Joe and I are doing is really none of your business, you have Raven remember your letting him fuck up your life. So why don't you run along and go be a slut for him, or let Ace fuck you again. I could really care less I want nothing to do with either of you. You are very lucky we have an audience now or I would show you how much of a fucking man I am." Punk stands his ground inching in closer to Colt and I wondering what he is trying to achieve besides a black eye, I mean this conversation has been a long time coming but now they are both getting mean.

"My point exactly we are in the company of people who care about us but you still won't act. Hell whenever you want to talk about something important you get Ace to do it, you cower behind him to avoid my anger well your going to get my anger full force now Colt. Ace is not going to protect you. I fucking have had enough of this bull shit, you want me then fucking put effort into it. How many times have I been single and you've done absolutely nothing, how many times have I slept in your bed curled around you and not once did you make a move. I have no fucking clue if I have feelings for you because I am so busy trying to figure out your damn feelings for me. Stop being a chicken, stop being afraid you're not good enough, and if you really want me then think long and fucking hard about it and be prepared to bleed because I will hurt you in the end. Do not blame Ace for something that you want just as bad. You want to end this friendship fine, but you walk away and any chance you ever had is gone. Don't come back into my life because I really don't need friends who can't be honest." I really hope this is not going to end up with all of us torn between the two, they both have some valid points in their tirades.

"I don't have a chance with you Punk, remember you are in a relationship with Raven"

"Oh for fuck sakes man the hell up and take what you want. I'm breaking up with Raven since he lied to me about the fucking pills." Wait what lied about the pills?

"He did what?" Okay good Colt, get that information before it all explodes.

"He told me it was vicodin, according to the tox screen I had done confirmed it wasn't. This is why I ended up feeling like shit and quickly running out of energy to fight with you. Go or stay it is your call, just don't do something stupid and cut Ace out of your life for a mistake. I just wish you would be honest with me." Punk leans against my front door still blocking Colt's exit and I hold my breath, not sure what Punk's motive is for all of this and hoping it is not another mind game started by Raven. Breaking Colt's heart would make everyone turn there back on Punk when it's all a mind fuck.

"Man up, be honest, take what I want?" Punk nods and Colt moves in closer his hands braced on either side of Punk's head "How about you try fucking doing that yourself Phillip, I suggest you take a long look in the mirror before judging other people now." With that Colt's lips are on Punk's and I'm not sure who closed the distance. The kiss lasts for several long moments, it is not soft but a physical release for the anger lingering between the two. Colt pulls away and I see Punk chest heaving and a look on his face as he lifts his fingers too his lips. Confusion and desire cloudy those green orbs as Colt moves him gently away from the door. "I'm not staying here any longer, I'm going back to my place. When you figure out what the hell you want Punk come find me." Punk stands silent his fingers to his lips and I wonder if he is in shock, maybe Cabana knows hot to kiss that well.

I see a dawning on Punk's face and I wonder if it is a positive for Colt, or a negative. If it gets him away from Raven then I'll consider it a positive. "Fuck me" slips from Punk's mouth and I think been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It's a ride I never plan on going on again, too many twists and turns, flips and drops. I realize that is what Punk is a roller coaster and when you get on you better hold on tight because there is nothing strapping you to the seat and he may throw you off at any moment. The scariest, wildest, ride you will ever be on, and he is currently walking out my front door to chase after his best friend or return to his destruction. I wish I knew to where he was fleeing but I am in the dark and it is not a great place to be.

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**I felt that I needed to show some of what Punk's friends are thinking, and also needed to have the conversation with Colt outside of Punk's head so that is why the random Ace POV! Thank you for reading and please review!**

**lamentomori-I don't know if this really explains what Ace was thinking but I hope it helps. Trust me you'll want to hit Punk and hug him too before this is over! Birdie will have to deal with a very angry pup soon and the pup will not let you down. Birdie is in for a very rude awakening from the protective bear also. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**badgerlynne- More of punk's reasoning are going to come to light shortly, which will hopefully provide an explanation for his willingness to jump into the lifestyle of Raven. I think he is coming to some realization's in this chapter and seeing things a little clearer as long as he is being honest to the men.**


	9. Conversations and Empty Words

Punk POV

I stand alone outside of Ace's building unsure what I am doing, damn it Cabana keeps running through my head. It should have been easy, he should have thrown a punch or walked away, instead he left the door open just enough to intrigue me. His lips on mine, his tongue exploring my mouth still linger with me, there was a spark I was not expecting. Hell it is the last thing I want or need in my life another complication. It's not that I don't have feelings for Colt, it's just why ruin a great friendship with messy feelings. I don't know if I could ever care for him the way he cares for me, I don't want to be that guy who uses his best friend yet I am the one who closed the distance between our lips, I am the one who pulled him to me. I keep asking myself why and the answer is simple he sits in Ace's apartment still, Joe. Colt reeked of him and for some reason that caused my anger to explode, the way Joe looks at Colt is similar to the way Colt looks at me and damn it Colt is mine. Yet he is not mine in that way and how fucked up is it I lashed out at my best friend for sleeping with Joe when I am chasing after Raven.

Raven another topic my mind would like to avoid, I sent him a text when I came outside and he has yet to respond, granted it wasn't very nice. _ Spent the night in the ER because some ass lied to me about what the pills I took were, care to fucking explain yourself prick?_ Don't know if he will respond to me, I may have to wait til our next show to confront him in person. I plan on getting some fucking answer and then walking away because this little game of us is not worth my life and ending up in the ER was eye opening to say the least, not to mention it is not on my fucking medical record that I use drugs. If that ever got out it could potentially destroy my life in a way I couldn't image, I mean to the fans I am straight edge and who hires wrestlers that are known drug addicts (unless they've already made it big).

My phone goes off and to say I wanted to confront Raven before now I want to punch him in his smug face. _Good for you Punkers first time I'm sure it won't be the last the way you like your liquor, why should I explain just consider it a lesson learned to never trust a dealer to be honest. See ya soon, oh and I heard through the grapevine about the overdose and fucking Ace gossip spreads like wildfire in our circles._ No fucking way was it possible for people to know that, I mean I was half-dressed when the EMT's arrived and so was Ace but besides the medics and Joe and Colt no one would have figured it out. Unless Ace talked to some one else about what happened although it's very unlikely he didn't want anyone to find out, maybe I should have left it alone but my anger lashed out at Colt and used Ace as a weapon. I suck as a human being lately, I really suck.

I scroll through my contacts and wonder who to call and ask if that rumor is actually going around and who the hell started it. My finger hovers over Dreamers name remembering Ace telling me I should talk to him, that I should talk to some of raven's exes, only problem is I have no clue who he was with in the past I've never paid much attention to who is fucking who back stage. I go past Dreamers name and settle on Hero's, I send the call out and wait for him to answer. "Hey Punker's whats up?"

"Hey Chris can I ask you a couple of questions?"

"Sure you can ask anything Punk, if I think it's a little personal I may not answer you but go ahead shoot."

"Are there rumors about me going around?"

"Yes." I roll my eyes wanting more than that for a fucking answer.

"Can you share those fucking rumors?" I hear him take a deep breath and wait trying to be patient.

"Punk they are not very pretty and for your sake I hope they aren't true man, but on several of the gossip/fan sites they're talking about you overdosing, you being half naked when the ambulance arrived and with Ace. From what I can gather one of the EMT's may be a fan with a big mouth. There is a lot of shit about you right now man, you're drinking, you're with Raven, hell some of them are saying your overdose was a suicide attempt. I think it's getting a little out of hand personally, I really hope none of it is true though." I want to tell him it is all lies I want to defend myself but I have no real defense so I just change the subject.

"Did you know Colt and Joe are fucking?" This is followed by a long silence and I really want to scream I just want answers.

"Yes" Okay once again I want more than one fucking word answer's fucker!

"Am I the only one who didn't know, how long has this been going on?"

"Yeah I think you are the only one who didn't see it, and I figured it out a while ago so at least nine, ten months. They seem really good together." Oh sure there good together, they are fucking perfect like Joe could ever be trusted with Colt he is nothing more than a player who does not deserve my Colt despite how he looks at him.

"Do you know who any of Ravens exes are? If you do tell me who, not fucking yes." Hero chuckles at me and I roll my eyes in annoyance,

"Sure I mean let me think about it for a minute, pretty sure he had a short thing with RVD back in the day, um Dreamer, Credible, bunch of chicks who didn't last long, hell none of his relationships last long. From what I've heard he was in a long term relationship with one of his trainers when he first started and it really fucked him up. Okay so I really have no desire to call anyone and ask them about Raven but I'm beyond curious.

"Fucked him up how Chris? Just give me the rumors I know you don't have hard facts."

"Well from what I hear Raven fell hard, and was I guess abused but I have no clue how, and then got dumped with no idea it was coming. From what I hear he swore off love after that, but shouldn't you ask him this if you two are together."

"It's complicated, thanks Chris I'll talk to you later." I hung up before he could answer, glancing around I noticed I had been walking while on the phone and now am only a few blocks from Colt's. I should probably just head home and figure shit out before my feet continue to have a mind of their own. Instead I sit on a bus bench and scroll through my contacts again, it takes me a while and several phone calls but I get a hold of Rob's number and as soon as I do hesitation sets in. If Raven wanted me to know about his past he would tell me himself, maybe going any further with my search for answers would be the worst thing to do. Fuck it I think, he knew I was in the hospital all night and never showed up so the hell with worrying about his feelings he doesn't worry about mine. So I dial the number and wait hoping he doesn't hang up on me.

"Hello"

"Umm hi is this Rob?"

"Yes who is this?" He probably thinks I am some fan who found out his number and plans to share it with the world.

"My name is CM Punk, I don't know if you know who I am but..."

"I know who you are kid, Raven's mentioned you more than once in conversations."

"Oh so you still talk to Raven, so your relationship didn't end on a bad note then?" He chuckles and I can hear him excuse himself.

"Sorry about that I'm out with some people and don't need them knowing my business. Raven and I ended in a horrible disaster, hell we didn't talk for a long time. Yet he is Raven so he uses the charm to get you to forgive him, the genius IQ of his allows him to get away with more than he should." I swallow hard and take a deep breath unsure how to phrase my question.

"So your relationship with Raven how. . .did he. . . mind games. . ."

"I'll give you some very simple advice Kid, he likes you more than I've ever seen him like anyone and that makes him very dangerous to you. He was taught by a master how to hurt people, use people, how to shatter someone and not even leave a mark. Considering how he talks about you mind games are the least of your worries, when he is done you will have given him all of you while he is scattering your broken parts. My relationship led me down a very dark path, when every thing he said and did was a way to manipulate me not once did he ever express emotions towards me. Hell the only time I think I got his attention, and really affected him in some way was when I left and started dating someone else. He gets extremely jealous, and will never be physically aggressive with you but won't hesitate to hurt someone he feels is a treat to someone he loves. So be careful, and if you walk away make sure it is very clear to him that you are never coming back." Okay so in doesn't sound like he had a great relationship with Raven, hell parts of it sound familiar, but that doesn't mean Raven and I can not make this work. I thank him for his time and he warns me to be careful once again, then I track down Justin number and call him getting almost the same story. Okay so Raven has a pattern and his relationships are not pretty doesn't mean that is going to be us. I finally give in and call the person I should have started with I just happen to think after our last conversation he does not like me.

"Hey Dreamer, it's Punk are you busy?"

"At the exact moment I happen to be out with Raven and a few of the guys, can I help you with anything." I really don't want Raven to know about my calls so I wonder how to do this without his knowledge.

"Can you give me a few quick yes or no answers to some questions?"

"Yes"

"Is Raven drinking right now?"

"Yes"

"Is his past as bad as everyone makes it seem with relationships?"

"Yes"

"Can we grab lunch tomorrow where ever you are I will come to you. I need some real answers."

"Sure, why not."

"One more question, actually two, where you warning me to run for his sake or mine, and is he seeing anyone besides me." There is silence and I can hear Raven speaking in the background. There seems to be a scuffle over the phone and then Raven's voice flows into my head.

"He was warning you kid, hell I warned you too, your own damn fault if you can't deal with the consequences. I'm not seeing anyone else besides you Punkers, though the ring rat earlier gave great head." I close my eyes wondering if this was another mind game or he was telling the truth.

"I see you fucking keep up with your end of deals Raven, live like me, I'll live like you. Then what can I expect from a guy who is less than honest about every single part of his life. I give up just stay away from me, and at the next show if it doesn't have to deal with the match don't talk to me." I don't allow him to answer knowing he most likely would just change my mind, I end the call and turn my phone off. I sat on the bench for a long time having an internal debate that didn't seem to have any answers. I could ruin everything with my next choice so the best thing to do was go home.

Instead once I stood my feet led me to a building a block away and a door I knocked upon. I wonder if he had gone to bed, if he was alone, I take a breath as the door opens in front of me and Colt stands there. He is in a pair of boxer's with little X's on them. He has no shirt on but in his hand is a hoodie, one I recognize and thought I lost a long time ago. He steps back and I walk into the apartment, glancing around I see Joe in the kitchen but fully dressed thankfully. "Can you leave" I request of a person who I consider a very good friend. He stands and walk towards me and I see anger in his eyes.

"You've done enough damage to Colt tonight don't you think? Have you taken a good look at him? Why don't you leave and not do whatever you are planning." I glance over at Colt studying him for a moment his eyes are puffy, and he is clinging to my old hoodie like its me, he looks lost and I've done this. I really should leave, but I can not bring my feet to corporate with my mind and my mouth apparently doesn't agree.

"Leave Joe I'm asking you for your own sake, I'm not here to hurt Colt anymore." I see Joe's shoulders tense but he stands his ground and I really want him to leave so I glance at Colt. "Please make him leave" I whisper this because just looking at Colt so broken has me at a lost. Colt doesn't move and I take a breath staring down at the floor because I'm not sure how my words will be received. "I have feelings for you Colt, I'm sorry I was so blind but I want to try, I want to give this a shot. I just need to know that's what you want too." I hear Joe clear his throat as if to speak, but his words are cut off as he is pushed back and Colt is in front of me lifting my chin so I am looking into his eyes.

"Say that again while you're looking at me because I don't believe you" His doubt brings tears to my eyes I blink them back,

"I broke up with Raven because I want to be with you, I have feelings for you Colt, I want to give this a try." He runs a thumb along my lower lip and I lift my hands wrapping my arms around his neck I pull him the last few inches to me. His warmth surrounds me and I breathe him in hoping he believes me. "I want you Colt, please chose me not Joe. I need you." I'm not lying and I think he senses the honesty in my words when his arms surround me. We are in probably the most intimate moment we have ever had and there is an interloper in the room, and in my head. Raven's arms hold me differently, he smell differently, his touch causes a fire instead of the spark Colt gives me. I want him gone from my fucking head so I step back a little and glance at Joe. I'm about to request he leaves again when Colt sticks his hand in my pocket pulling out my keys he tosses them to Joe.

"Joe go stay at Punk's we need to talk alone." Joe is frowning at me and looking sadly at Colt. I wonder if he realizes what I am doing. What am I doing I wonder but the answers are simple, I'm using my best friend as a rebound, as a way to get raven's attention, I'm using my best friend.

"Talk about what?" I ask after Joe leaves the apartment and Colt shakes his head, his hands are on my ass and I'm being lifted. I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me to the bedroom, he lowers me onto the bed and his lips capture mine and once again the comparisons start in my mind. I should stop him, I should leave, yet I don't. I allow him to take my body the whole time thinking of someone else hands on me. As Colt drifts off beside me, holding me in his arms as if I am fragile and going to disappear it dawns on me what I have become. I've become Raven in all the cruelest ways, uncaring, miserable, hurtful, and willing to destroy the closest person in my life to play mind games, willing to sacrifice everyone around me to achieve the one thing I want. I've become him, he has poisoned my soul and there is no antidote and god help me I don't want one.

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**Thank you so much for reading, next chapter is Raven's point of view. Please remember to review it keeps me motivated to get this out in a timely manner. You guys rock for sticking with me this long!**

**lamentomori- kitten is so doing something stupid, and with Punk that is not very surprising! I thought about pairing Punk with someone else beside Colt but really I can not see him trying to be in a relationship with anyone in my story beside the puppy! Birdie is going to feel the wrath of a very angry puppy next chapter. I have no clue if kitten should end up with birdie, puppy, or alone lol what are your thoughts?**

**badgerlynne- I think messier is a word, at least in my universe it is lol. Yes Punk is starting to smarten up a bit, yet he is blaming and using Colt. I think in his twisted head he thinks if Colt had acted on his feelings then he never would of been with Raven in the first place. Raven did know about the hospitalization and his thoughts will be revealed in the next chapter as well as his actions. Thanks for the awesome review!**


	10. Hope is a thing with feathers

"You're a fucking moron, for a guy who is supposedly so fucking smart, you have to be the biggest idiot I have ever met in my life Raven"

"Fuck off Dreamer" the man just invites himself into my home and then tells me how stupid I am, like I don't already know I am an idiot. Hell I'm sitting in my fucking living clutching a bottle in one hand and Punk's fucking shirt in the other. A shirt I stole from him at the last show when he was off making out with Cabana someplace. I should at least get to have a little piece of him shouldn't I? I love him so I get to keep a small part, very small since Cabana is claiming the rest, fucking Colt Cabana stole my guy how pathetic is that and the thing is I have done nothing to stop him from doing so.

He is so much healthier for Punk, I see how he looks at him, how he adores him, takes care if him, makes him laugh when he is in a shitty mood. All shit I could never do, I don't have it in me to be the nice guy. The funny thing the observant mother fucker I am, is that Punk doesn't seem to be happy, in fact I think Colt frustrates him. The constant touching, checking on him, and in my presence at least kissing. I think the last is for my benefit it allows Colt to show his claim on the man to me, it all seems to piss Punk off, and he seems like he wants to run. I respected Punk's request and haven't talked to him at all, even had Gabe change the shows so we were not wrestling. He wants to be far away from me so I am going to let him have that, he deserves more than I could ever offer the kid anyways, maybe Colt is his someone and I was just a place holder until Punk realized this. Yet he doesn't seem happy, and damn it if that doesn't make me confused.

I watch as Dreamer picks up the empty bottles and other trash thrown upon the floor, the thing is I haven't exactly left the house except to go to ROH shows, and that is only so I can see him. "You don't need to fucking clean my shit up, I am perfectly capable." He of course ignores me and finish picking up, he then grabs the bottle from my hand and disappears I frown as my coping skill is carted off to the kitchen. He returns and places a bottle of water in my empty hand, and then does the unthinkable and tries to pry Punk's shirt from my grasp. I slap at his hand, growling and pulling the shirt close, sniffing at the material the smell so undeniably Punk. I think I hear him mutter something about an unhealthy attachment but he does retreat and flop down beside me on the couch. "Tell me Scott what is it you want? I mean really want?" I contemplate on this for a moment and then answer not so truthfully.

"My fucking bottle back, and you to get the fuck out." Dreamer shakes his head at me and I know he doesn't believe me I forget he is an observant motherfucker as well.

"Bullshit, you want the kid, more than I think I've ever seen you want something." I shrug playing with cap on the water bottle not wanting to admit he is right.

"What does it matter he's moved on, he obviously never gave a fuck, and I am over it." Dreamer laughs at me this time and pulls out his cell phone.

"Lets see fifty texts messages in the two weeks, all from a kid named Punk asking how an old cranky birdie is. Making sure he is all right, and after the last show where the two of you kept glancing at each other I got several calls. Hmm for a guy who has moved on I wonder why we are having lunch together tomorrow to talk about said bird." I feel my heart beat and snatch his phone, and sure enough the text's are there, the calls everything.

"You didn't respond to his text's Dreamer?"

"I don't text" Well that is not fucking surprising the man probably has no clue how, probably needed someone to show him how to even open the messages.

"What are you going to tell him at lunch?" I honestly want to know how open Dreamer has decided to be with Punk, I would prefer to tell him about my past myself, he just has never bothered to directly ask me the questions.

"Nothing because I am not going, you are and then you can decided what to tell him. Noon at the waffle house by the arena. Now I want to get a couple things off my chest since I am a fucking awesome friend and arranged a date with your boy for you. You can't let yourself ever be fucking happy Scott. Hell I think you believe you don't deserve to be happy, well get the fuck over it. I've watched you pursue person after person only to shatter them. You strip away everything and walk away without looking back because he did it to you. Well how did it fucking feel when you were the one shattered? Punk for some reason seems to honestly be in love with you and willing to sacrifice for you. Yet you being you and unable to accept someone's love at face value had to go and play fucking mind games. You rip the kids life apart and he landed in a fucking hospital, do you think it was fucking funny he could of died because you lied to him. Even then I think he would of forgiven you, if you had shown up. Why were you not at the hospital? Wait don't answer you can speak when I am done, you hold on so tight to this dark place where no one can hurt you. Well that is not fucking living Scott, and when he came around you came alive. I see how you look at him, I see how he looks at you, stop with all the games and tell him how you feel before it is honestly too late. I don't think Colt is competition for you yet, but he could be. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone, knowing that you could have had him if even for a short time, it's better then nothing. Are you going to replay in your head the end for the rest of your life, have this be the story of your life that you only realized you loved him, after he let you go?" He takes a deep breath and I see him brace, hell I probably would too my fist clenched half way through his little speech and now all I want to do is lash out instead though I take a swig of the water and run my fingers over the frayed fabric in his old t-shirt.

"I didn't lie to him intentionally, or want him to end up in the hospital. I gave him the wrong fucking baggie, the PCP was on the coffee table in the living room! His baggie was in his fucking pants I have no clue how he end up with the wrong bag. I didn't go visit him because I couldn't bare to see him like that, okay I know that's pathetic but he is this strong willed little kitten with all this adorable purring and hissing, and I couldn't see him in the hospital knowing it was my own fucking fault." I take another sip of my water and notice my hand is shaking "The games went to far I get that but I can not be what he wants, he wants this sober guy who cherishes him, that is not me. He is fucking beautiful I would just tarnish him. Dreamer I want to be better for him, but we both know when people love me that I just use them until they are broken. He is better off with Colt, I am so not going anywhere near him. You go to lunch and tell him everything and that I am sorry and I did love him." The silence that fills the room seems to last forever, I can hear the ticking of the clock as second turn into minutes and then finally he speaks.

"So you made a mistake, and you were scared. I guarantee he would understand that, how the fuck is Punk a kitten more like an angry horse, stubborn and ready to buck anyone who gets in his way. I don't think he wants you to be better for him, he fell for you as Raven not some sober version of you. Have you ever asked what he wants, without the game bullshit between the two of you. What he really wants?" I shake my head wondering what the answer would be. "Well you can ask him tomorrow because I am not going so you have too. We have a show to do tonight and you need to sober the hell up, I'm going to be showing up to save you ass in ROH tonight. You've got some kind of collar match thing against the kid so pull it together. Also one last bit of advice, Punk is not perfect, nor is he without his own issues and faults. I think you both need to stop idealizing each other and just deal with the fact that you are only perfect when you are fucking together. Now go take a fucking shower."

* * *

Punk my little kitten is pissed off, Colt is trying to get the beer dripping off of him cleaned up and he keeps slapping at the man's hands, all the while staring at me. Dreamer is talking a mile a minute to me but I don't hear him, my eyes are locked on the olive orbs and I can see the pain and the questioning. He wants answer and I wish I could give them to him, not about tonight that was scripted but about the past. I take a deep breath and walk slowly across the room before I can reach Punk however, I have a growling Colt in my face his hand on my chest pushing me backwards. "You've done enough fucking damage, leave him the hell alone he doesn't want to talk to you." I slap his hand off of me and go to step around the man he steps with me keeping me back away from my target, Dreamer is by my side and Ace appears next to Colt, he gets a disgruntled look from Colt but remains in my path.

Ace and Dreamer are talking softly and Colt is trying to push me backwards. Everyone in the locker room is staring but the only thing that matters is Punk. His eyes are wide and he is staring intently at me. "Punk can I speak to you for a minute please?" I'm begging I need to hear him speak to me even if it is to tell me to go to hell. He looks away and then shakes his head no, and I am still at a loss. "Damn it Phillip, I need to tell you something. Something I should have said a long time ago, but was too stubborn to do." He looks back at me curiosity in those beautiful depths.

"What Scott, just spit it out." Well he acknowledged me at least, and I know what I am about to say could get me a beating from the man standing between the two of us. I wonder if he will always be the wedge that keeps us apart, if Punk will choose this old broken down wrestler over his best friend.

"I love you, I've loved you since the moment you allowed me to pull you out of the locker room, I loved you since before then when you were hitting on me, hell when you were trying to get to know me. I noticed it all but didn't want to hurt you, I love your smart ass mouth, and your fierce protectiveness of people you care about. I hate that you gave into my games so easily, I hate that I play those games, I hate that you think I could never care about you. I'm sorry for everything and I know you moved on but I just wanted to tell you that I love you, even the things I can't stand I love about you kitten I just thought you should know. At the end of the day I think you are my someone, somewhere and I'm so sorry I ruined it." He is blinking at me and I think I see tears starting to fall down his face, no one has moved and then Punk is in front of me, and I hope maybe it is to offer forgiveness instead his hands meets my cheek and it's nothing but gentle.

"Bastard" he spits at me before he rushes past everyone and out of the room. I am stunned and Colt looks between me and the exit Punk left from. Finally deciding not to follow he turns all of his attention to me.

"You love him, you pathetic excuse for a man love him. You don't even know him, if you took the time to know him then you would never have pushed him the way you did. He is hard to break because he has no many walls, but when you do there is no way to ever come back from that. If your sick twisted version of love is all you have to offer then stay away he deserves better. You Raven are nothing more that a sorry, small, weak man who stripped Punk of everything and all we could do was watch. Well I am just getting my Punkers back and I refuse to allow you to destroy him again, so stay away or I swear to god when I am done with you they won't have enough left to identify the corpse." I try to ignore how right he is about some of his words and focus instead on Punk.

"You Colt Cabana are suffocating him, he is miserable and barely tolerates being in the same room as you. As his best friend I am surprised you don't realize trying to be in a relationship with him is going to be the end of your friendship. Get out of my way, I am going after the man I love since he is upset and you are too busy being jealous to think of him." Well apparently that is the wrong thing to say because next thing I know my old ass is on the ground with a very angry Cabana on top of me. I hear another scuffle and see Ace and Dreamer going at it. Cabana is not pulling his punches and hell I wouldn't either in his shoes. His fists are doing a number on my body, I think he may have bruised my ribs and I can feel blood on my face, yet I don't fight back I will not hurt Punk's best friend even if I think he deserves it.

Cabana is suddenly pulled away and I see my little kitten, he is raging at Cabana pushing him away from me. He stands between the two of us and is yelling at Colt. I try to focus on his words but my heads a little fuzzy from all the punches, I think I may have a concussion. Note to self don't mess with Cabana unless you want a beating he is a protective little guard dog. Olive eyes are suddenly above me and then gone again, hands appear a moment later and ice is pressed onto my nose, ouch that fucking hurts. Punk's hand grabs my own and he places it to the bag so I am holding it in place. "It will stop the bleeding" I hear him say and just focus on those perfect lips actually speaking to me, oh how I want to be niddling on them right now. His hands seem to pat me down and I groan as my ribs are pressed upon, he glares back at Colt before helping me to a sitting up position, his hands are on me and I can't even enjoy it. I see him speak to Dreamer and then he is grabbing his bags, he marches out Ace following with Cabana bringing up the rear his head hung down and I think he looks like a puppy who has just been scolded by his owner. Bad dog I think got in trouble with Punk, no treats for you tonight. I laugh at my own humor and Dreamer casts me a worried look, don't worry just talking to the voices in my head again, it is nothing new for you.

"Well that is one way to get his attention, I'm pretty sure you had it when you tried to drown him in beer but taking a beating well I do think that made his little heart flutter for you." Mission accomplish then, see I am still playing a game this one just for higher stakes. If I win I get Punk, I get to love him for the rest of my life, he will be my someone. If I lose then I grow old lonely and miserable scaring the neighborhood kids. I just scored a few points though, Colt lost some and that puts a smile on my face. Nope shouldn't smile that fucking hurts, lip being split open is not fun. Too bad Cabana doesn't understand the stakes for me and that I am going to win, Punk belongs to me for I have seen a lot of faces but the moment my eyes found his I started to find myself again. He reminds me of where I belong, who I am, and what I could be. He at the end of the day in the billions of the people is my someone, and I need to remind him of where he belongs.

* * *

I walk into the waffle house ten minutes late, ten minutes I spent in the parking lot staring at the building wondering if he was really waiting inside. I search the faces until the olive eyes meet mine, tucked into a corner across from Dreamer, the fucker did show, is the one man I need now to convince him of my love. The stakes are higher than they have ever been, the game more important. I approach the table and Dreamer stands he doesn't say anything as he walks off. I take his seat across from Punk and take a deep breath. "You're late" I glance into his eyes and I realize he doesn't mean for lunch, but for life, for this relationship. I'm late and now its time to catch up, his green eyes are blood shot and puffy and I think he has been crying, he also needs a good rest the dark circles surrounding his eyes look painful at this point.

"I'm sorry, but I made it here just took me a little longer then it should have, I got lost a few times" he nods and takes a deep breath.

"I love you too, but I'm not sure that's enough anymore." I wonder if this is the it's not you , its me speech, or the I'm with Colt now speech. I wait not wanting to interrupt him "I'm not saying it can't be I just need some answers. Then I can make a decision, one that I can be okay with at the end of the day." Colt or me that is the decision, and I see for the first time in weeks that I have a chance he would really walk away from Colt as long as I tell him the truth, as long as I fight I could win this war. It dawns on me then this battle between us has always been over Punk's heart, I've been fighting on the wrong side though, my team was trying to break it and now that I switched sides I can see the dust settling. My own fears have kept me back and with him I feel them break away, I'm ready to be honest ready for the start of a life after war, as somehow I know the sun will be shining when the battle ends.

"Ask me anything Punk I will answer, I'll answer"

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**Happy Holidays to everyone! A great gift to me would be to review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**lamentomori- Yes this mess is getting messier, and thank you for confirming messier is a word lol. Kitten needs to get his head straight and will be doing so very soon. Puppies wrath has started in this chapter takes a little detour in the next one but comes back full force and a little vindictive! I don't think birdie will ever be able to resist the allure of the kitten he likes playing dangerously and kitten's do like to make meals of birdies.**


	11. Love is a Bitter Pill to Swallow

"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."

* * *

I'm so tired by the time we get back to the hotel, my anger has disappeared and alls I have left is a deep sadness, somehow I am going to hurt someone that I care about. I see Colt go into the bathroom to rinse the blood from his hands, Raven's blood a man who apparently loves me. I notice his swollen knuckles and grab the ice bucket, walking slowly down the hallway I fill the bucket I stop briefly outside of Ace's door. Colt refuses to share a hotel room with him, hell if he had his way then we wouldn't be traveling together. I glance back at my ice bucket and shrug knocking on the door, I need to talk to someone and Colt is not the answer for that. The door opens a moment later and I glance away he is only in a towel water dripping down his body. "Sorry I'll come back" he rolls his eyes leaving the door open and walking off I enter the room depositing the ice bucket in the table as he goes back into the bathroom. I take a seat and wonder how it became so awkward to see Ace in a towel, we've showered in the same locker room more times than I can count and now I've made it fucking weird.

When he returns he is dressed and much drier I glance up and then back down at the ground "You're not here to sit there silent and brooding so talk or would it be easier if I started the conversation. I am a fucking screw up, and I should have never started the shit with Colt. I don't know what the fuck to do, I love both of them so how do I fix this mess. Sound about right?" I nod and bite at my lip, my hand running across the back of my neck.

"I thought this would be easy, being with Colt should be easy right? He knows me better than anyone, and Raven is this incredible asshole who has hurt me more than I can even begin to explain. Yet I feel stuck, neither outcome is going to work out for me. If I chose Colt then I lose Raven forever, if I chose Raven then what are the chances I will get to still have Colt in my life? I thought being with Colt would fix things, he would finally see he doesn't love me, and Raven would be jealous. That's fucked up right using my best friend to make another man jealous, knowing even if I hate to admit it Colt loves me. I was not expecting to feel something for Colt, hell I was not expecting him to give a fuck this much. I've messed everything up so bad how the hell do I make it better Ace? I mean Colt would flip if he knew where I was right now and that is just wrong. You have taken care of us, protected us and I screwed it all up with my selfishness I am so beyond sorry. You will never know how sorry I really am on top of that if I chose Raven, Colt is not going to handle it well and he won't let you close enough to help. I feel like I have taken everything from Colt and given nothing back in return. I mean Joe is in fucking love with him, and I pretty much bombed that relationship. Hell I've thrown a pipe bomb into everyone's life and watch the shrapnel affect everyone around me. Yet somehow I've come away clean, loved, I escaped the damage and now I am going to cause more no matter what I do." Ace takes a seat and sighs heavily.

"The shit between us is forgotten, it wasn't completely your fault I could have handled it differently. Colt and I will figure it out in time, do not lose sleep over it Punk. The damage you've caused Colt and Raven is not going to be fixed overnight, and you are very right either way you go someone is going to lose. I think however in the end you and Colt will be okay no matter what, you just need to decided soon the longer you prolong this the more the damage spreads. Have you talked to Joe at all?" Nope haven't done that kind of feels awkward, great every relationship in my life feels awkward. "Talk to him, he is still your friend he may be able to lessen the damage. Using Colt is wrong, I think you know that, however I think you wanted safety and that is what he offers. His love is easy for you, Raven's is like stumbling in the dark over a mine field. Talk it through with me for a bit, tell me what you feel for both of them, what is the difference when you are with them?"

"Colt is like this sunny day, happy, protecting and warm. He is this spark that could ignite make everything come to life but seems to fizzle out before it starts. Raven he is a hurricane, I never know if he is coming or going. I feel the need to take shelter at times but the eye of the storm is so peaceful and so you forget the raging storm around you. He is a flame that burns everything around us, and the only thing that is safe is the two of us. The more destruction the flames cause the more I yearn to be burned in his heat. I don't know if that makes sense, I'm so confused by all of this." Ace is sitting beside of me and he gives me an awkward side hug, and I realize it's because the little drops of water hitting my hand are falling from my eyes.

"If you lost them how would it make you feel?"

"I need Colt in my life, I couldn't imagine not having his ass beside me through this fucking journey, if I lost that I would lose my best friend, the person who can make me laugh, make me happy when everything is fucked up. Losing Raven is like losing half of myself, he clings to my shirt according to Dreamer that he is broken without me and I am not doing much better. I miss everything about him and a future where he is not challenge me, loving me seems so empty and feels like I would be half of a man for the rest of my life." Tears are coming harder, talking it out is showing me some things but making things so much harder.

"I want you to answer without thinking, just what comes to your heart first, not your mind your heart. Do you want the flame, or do you want the spark?"

"The flame, I want the flame, I need the fire to burn me." Oh and that makes it so much worse, there is a man down the hall who would do anything for me and fuck it all I don't want him.

"I think you know your answers, you just need to be strong enough to let him go even if for a little while he is going to be distant, but I think if you work at it you'll come out friends." I nod and double over beginning to sob almost hysterically fuck me this is going to hurt.

"I can't just forgive Raven he has done so much shit, but I am lost without the fucker. How do we start over, his words tonight were pretty but what if it's just another game. I can't take anymore of these games. How do I do this Ace, how the fuck do I break Colt's heart and soften the fucking blow." He rubs my back and at least the awkwardness is gone, instead I'm clinging to him and sobbing like a fucking baby.

"Do you think what Raven is doing is a game? In your heart don't over-think it do you believe he is manipulating you again?"

"No I think he is being as honest as he is able to be" the truth is that I want his words to be everything he said and more I think from talking to Dreamer they are.

"So you need to sit down and talk with Raven get answers to some hard questions, make him be honest, and be honest with him. I can't tell you how to break up with Colt, it is not like a band aid pull off quickly and the pain is gone. This is going to hurt no matter what, I can tell you that delaying this is not healthy for either of you. The pain is going to be deep for a while there is no way in softening this blow Punk, but you need to do it and get it over with." I shake my head slowly not wanting to do this at all, and soon doesn't sound like a good idea.

"Can't I just have one night, one more night before I hurt him?" Ace raises an eyebrow and I know the answer is no, I knew before I asked but what I am going to do is going to change my life. I grab his phone from the night stand trying to calm my tears I scroll down to Joe's name. This is the only solution I have Colt is going to need someone tonight and it won't be me or Ace. They have a bond, Colt wouldn't have kept sleeping with him if there wasn't something there so I hit the send button and wait. He answers tiredly and I hear sadness in his voice.

"Hey Ace what's up?" I called from Ace's phone for two reasons, one he may not answer if my name showed on the ID, and two my phone is in Colt's room.

"Hey Joe it's Punk..." I am still crying and I'm trying not to let him hear this "Are you still in town?"

"Yeah I'm staying at a hotel tonight, are you okay?" I ignore his question and take a deep breath.

"Do you love him, because I need to know you love him. That there is still a chance for him to be happy. I need to know I didn't ruin his life, so do you love him?" I don't really need to ask I know the answer but hearing him confirm it will make this easier for me.

"You know I love Colt. He is hard not to fall for, I don't see why it matters though Punk." It does it matters more than I can explain to him.

"He is going to need you tonight, he is going to need someone and it can't be me. It may never be me again, take care of him okay. Make sure he takes care of himself and make sure he eats, when he gets depressed Colt doesn't eat. Just take care of him and tell me how he is doing from time to time. Give me an hour then come to him okay?" I rattle off the hotel and room number then I hang up on the phone, I go to stand and my legs crumpled. This feels so much like a death, the end to something that could have been beautiful. I sob into my hands and Ace slides behind me wrapping his arms tightly around my body, if I'm like this before I even speak to him how am I going to get through telling Colt? Ace rocks me and I finally settle against his side, tears lessening I stand slowly. I grab the now melted ice and walk out the door not looking back at Ace. We both know I will be back tonight, it has only been twenty minutes but Joe is in the hallway and he takes a look at my face and sighs pulling me into a hug. "Give me a little bit, I'll get you Colt and I need to talk alone."

"Are you sure?" I slide my key card into the lock the little light turns green.

"No but I can't live with half a heart" I push open the door and walk into the room.

Colt is sitting on the bed still dressed his hands clenching his phone, tears already trickle down his face as if he knows. "Figured you'd left to go to Raven, it is where you want to be right?" I set the bucket on the table fishing out cubes that are not melted I wrap them in a towel walking over I take the phone from his bruised hands and press the ice to his knuckles.

"Give me a few minutes please, just lets not talk for a few minutes. I need my best friend for a minute." He takes a deep breath and pulls my forehead to his, we stay there his hand in my hair, our foreheads pressed together for several minutes, too short but I know I need to pull away. I kiss the corner of his mouth, breathing him in one last time before I stand. I walk over to my bag and pick it up placing the strap on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I want to love you I do, and in someways I love you more than I could ever love him but it isn't enough. I'm sorry I ever pushed you into this, I hope someday you can forgive me Scott, I really would like to be your friend when you are ready." My back is to him because I can not face the damage I am doing. I can hear the small sobs escaping his lips and can almost tell his mind is trying to process, he tried to prepare himself for this but it hasn't work. "I love you Scott, but I'm choosing him and you should choose Joe, he loves you more than I ever have. I think you love him too, just don't push him away. I know I don't have a right to ask anything from you, but don't push him away." I walk towards the door and then he is hugging me from behind and I lean back against him, he is holding me tightly and I turn my head his lips capture mine and this is our final goodbye. One last kiss before I go, one last moment before reality crashes in for both of us.

"It could have been enough, it could have been more than enough if you had just let it." He whispers this against my lips before stepping away, I fling open the door and push past Joe who enters the room as soon as I leave. I finally glance back, my best friend is on the floor sobbing into Joe's chest and the damage I've caused is written all over his face. I hesitate and wonder if I could take it all back, do what Colt wants and just let it be enough. I can't so I pull the door shut behind me making my way back to Ace's room. He grants me entrance and I drop my bag curling onto the bed, too numb to cry for once in my life my mistakes are not going away because I want them too. For once in my life I am taking a long look in the mirror and the man in front of me I don't really like. Ace is rubbing my back in slow circles, and I want to tell him to take his comfort and shove it. I do not deserve to be comforted, instead once my mouth opens a sob escapes, and I guess I am not all cried out.

* * *

I spent the night wide awake trying to figure it all out in between spurts of random sobbing, I think about canceling on Dreamer more than once, I need answer's from the man himself not his best friend but I'm not sure Raven will talk to me after walking away from him last night. He has trust issues and I saw the hurt in his eyes when I left with Ace and Colt. So I keep the lunch plan, trying to compose myself long enough to go into public, Ace informs me Joe and Colt checked out this morning and are on the way to California for a few days. Probably best for us not to run into each other for a while at least. I glance up when Tommy sits down across from me and he raise an eyebrow, I know I look like shit but I'm here that counts for something doesn't it. "Raven is on his way here to meet you" I look up from my menu startled, I'm not ready for this I need more time. "You chose him didn't you?" Perceptive fucker, I think as I nod. "Don't let him know that right away demand answers, take away his security blanket or he will manipulate you again." I nod and go back to staring at the menu, I glance at the clock several times and he is late. He isn't going to show and I am about to leave myself when the ding sounds over the door and the man I love walks in.

He sits across from me and the first thing I can think of to say is "you're late" and I don't mean for lunch damn it. He may even be too late I may need to go on without him, living with just half a heart.

"I'm sorry, but I made it here just took me a little longer then it should have, I got lost a few times" So did I, without you I am lost I think and this little admission makes it easier to tell him how I feel.

"I love you too, but I'm not sure that's enough anymore." That's what I have been debating all night is loving someone enough when the scars run so deep. "I'm not saying it can't be I just need some answers. Then I can make a decision, one that I can be okay with at the end of the day." I see in his eyes he thinks I still need to choose between him and Colt, that is not the decision I need to make. I need to decided to start over with him or without him. It all depends on him now, where we go is really up to him and the answers he gives me.

"Ask me anything Punk I will answer, I'll answer" He means it I can see it in his eyes and I feel a flame of hope flicker in my heart, maybe I won't have to live missing half of me. I think back to the first night and him telling me that there is someone, somewhere for me and to call him so he could gloat. That someone was perfect for me, that I've been looking in all the wrong places, well Raven I think you can gloat now, but maybe I can too. Perhaps finding my someone met he also found his someone and that he was looking in all the wrong places. I pray that I'm his someone because at the end of all this disaster Raven is the someone I've been waiting on for my whole life.

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**Second chapter tonight go me! Please remember to review!**


	12. Truth Hurts

Raven POV

Punk orders from the waitress and I watch him, the wheels in his head are turning and I wonder why he has yet to ask any questions the suspense may be literally killing me. My heart is pounding in my chest and my palms are sweaty, and the air in this place seems rather thin. So I must be dying, or having a panic attack either way I really wish he would open that very talented mouth of his and speak. When he does it is not the question I was expecting. "Do you really love me or did you say that to fuck with my head or Colt's?"

"No everything I said to you last night I really meant. I understand the lack of trust, I've lied to you a few times, but more often than not I have been honest with you. I can not promise not to lie to you in the future but I can tell you that I honestly love you." He nods and takes a drink of his Pepsi, chewing at his lip ring.

"Why did you lie to me about the pills?" I shake my head slowly taking a very deep breath.

"I didn't I swear I didn't the bag I gave you was not PCP, that was sitting on my coffee table untouched I don't know how you ended up with the wrong bag. I would do a lot of shit but never would I put you in harm's way. Do I get to ask questions too?" He nods at me a look I can not quite register in his eyes "Why did you take the pills in the first place? I wasn't there, I wasn't pressuring you to take them, hell I had decided to drop that little game and have you throw them the hell out."

"I took the first pill after our first time together in the living room, I left the bag on the table I must have grabbed the wrong bag when I left. It was my fault not yours." He seems confused at this and sighs heavily. "I took them because I wanted too, just like I drank because I wanted to. You playing your little game just gave me an excuse I kind of used you. Why didn't you come to the hospital?" He wanted to take them hmm I think we need to have a conversation about that. The many times I've heard him spout his little spiel about being drug free, alcohol free, and better than you with pride makes me wonder what the hell is going on in his life that he would willingly throw it away.

"I couldn't visit you I'm sorry, I wanted too but it was my fault, and still is I provided the drugs and the excuse, seeing you like that I just couldn't handle it. I was scared and I hate admitting that but I couldn't deal with it I'm sorry. Phillip what is going on in your life that you would turn to this shit?" The waitress comes and places the food in front of us and Punk dives in, I think he is eating as a distraction, a chance to gather his thoughts maybe even lie. "You want my honesty I need yours." I state simply sipping at my coffee.

"Alright fine, I have some shit going on with my parents, my mom is a bitch and my dad you know about from the story line. On top of that Colt being in love with me became kind of obvious and I didn't deal well with it. Plus I have this opportunity and if I take it, well it means leaving everyone I love and care about behind. It just all seemed like a lot of shit to think about at once and you, well dealing with you could drive even the strongest man to drink. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to know about your past, so what happened that defines how you are in relationships today?" This is the part of the conversation where it gets real I guess. Part of me wants to lie, sugar coat everything I went through but I know better.

"Tell ya what Punkers I will tell you about my past but not here somewhere more private and then you can tell me what is going on with the parents and why you would ever consider turning down the WWE because that is the opportunity on the table isn't it?" I pull out my wallet throwing some cash and a very generous tip on the table.

"Fine, and yes its the WWE. Where are we going to go though?" I think about this we need neutral territory so we both feel comfortable.

"We will go to Dreamers, it's not to far and he won't mind." I go to text Tommy but then shake my head and call him instead he agrees to let us use his living room and I tell Punk the address. We arrive at the same time and Dreamer lets us in. I have been thinking the whole drive here about not telling Punk everything but know if I ever want him back I need too. We settle on separate ends of the couch facing each other. Dreamer brings us drinks and snacks then disappears to his bedroom, Punk gives me a look and I take a deep breath releasing it slowly.

"Is it bad?" He asks this of me and I nod and he wrinkles his nose lost in thought. "Then let me go first, my parents are nuts I left home as soon as I had the opportunity, I've only been back a few times and I've tried to have a relationship with them but every time they figure out where I live the harassment starts. They think I have all this money because I'm an internet celebrity, they demand shit from me, they show up at my house at all hours of the day and night They expect me to take care of them and then when my dad gets drinking it becomes physical, he is not abusive if he is sober but the moment he starts drinking he become an asshole and I've never hit him back until recently. He showed up at the house drunk and demanded money and when I told him I didn't have it he decided to try and beat the shit out of me well I swung back and it turned into this brawl and I beat the shit out of my own father. I have to move yet again and on top of that he called the cops I have a pending court date. So that is the shit with my parents, oh and if they find enough evidence to go to trial I could go to jail. My lawyer, who is incredibly over paid says most likely all charges will be dropped but I think I pay him to tell me what I want to hear." I reach across the space and squeeze his hand I want to reassure him, but the truth is it is fucked up, but I am going to do everything in my power to make sure his parents stay the hell away from him.

"Thank you I know you haven't talked to anyone about this and I am glad you trust me enough to share, has your dad been abusive all your life."

"He is not abusive only hits us when he is drunk" I scoff and he looks up at me our eyes meeting.

"Look Phillip whether or not you want to see it this way you are a victim of abuse. Him drinking doesn't give him a right to lay his hands on you."

"He put me in the hospital a few times, and child protective came out but my mom always covered it up."

"Does your lawyer know this?" He shakes his head no and I slap his hand lightly.

"Tell your fucking lawyer a history of abuse shows you were just protecting yourself. Now tell me about the WWE and why you don't think you should go." He squeezes his eyes shut tightly and I wonder where his head is at.

"They came to me a few months ago, I haven't answered them yet. The thing is this journey has always been with Colt by my side, with people I trust and care about. They don't want Colt they only want me and I can't imagine going to the next level without Colt. Though I'm sure he won't care about that now." I wonder what he means but push that aside.

"Okay so lets look at this differently, do you think Colt would want to hold you back?"

"Of course not, he would want me to jump at this opportunity"

"No matter how far away from the people in your life, they will support and care about you right?" He nods and I then know why he is hesitating. "You don't think you can do it?"

"What if I fail, everyone thinks I'm going to be such a huge star what if I get there and I'm in the land of fucking giants and I get lost and never make it to the top. What if I disappoint everyone, then what Raven?" I actually laugh and shake my head at this.

"You would only disappoint everyone if you had the opportunity and was too much of a pussy to take it. I've been to this land of giants and guess what they are just a bunch of idiots who need there ego's stroke, you kid have this magic about you and I promise you that as long as you fight tooth and nail you will not only be a star, you will be a top draw." He bites at his lip but nods at me.

"Thank you for the vote of confidence I'll think about it." A silence falls between the two of us and I know it is my turn I grab the Pepsi on the table taking a swig wishing it was something a lot harder.

"When I started wrestling I was more of an ass then I am now, I thought with my intelligence and personality I could make it to the top in no time. I didn't understand the work you had to put into it. I started getting trained, and one of my trainers took a liking to me on a more personal level. I wasn't the most popular guy growing up so I never really been in a relationship. So when he asked me out I was so flattered. I didn't listen to the little warning about him, everything was great at first. We were together for almost six months and he was my first everything. I was positive I was going to spend my life with him, totally in love and trusted him with every fiber of my being. That's when it started, being a little more forceful in training then he needed, and then at home hitting me yet he was always sorry so I forgave him. Then the mind games began, he made me doubt everything about myself with words. I think words can leave a deeper scar then fists ever could, once he had my self-esteem so low it got worse. Drugging me, taking me to sex clubs and letting them use me, taking me when I didn't want it. It is why I only top now, the shit that he did to my ass left figurative and real scars. I had thought about leaving in the beginning but at that point it never crossed my mind. I stayed for another year before I started wrestling for ECW. That's when I started to hear about the cheating, the other men and I confronted him about it he just laughed in my face and called me a whore. He then made his point by calling up a few friends and they all had fun with me against my will. That was the last time I saw him, he called me a slut and said I would never keep anyone's attention and that he was bored with me and that I should go sell my self on a street corner as it was all I was good for."

I take another drink continuing to stare at the carpet Punk slides across the sofa and wraps his arms around me and buries his face into my chest. He doesn't speak and I'm grateful as I need to finish. "I tried to overdose a few times after that, kill myself and then slowly with the help of Dreamer and a few guys at ECW I managed to get myself together. I dated a few people and the moment they got too close I started the games that were once played on me. I would never physically hurt them like he did me, if you ever said no I would stop in a heart beat. Instead to protect myself I became the one to break the hearts instead of getting my broken. I never let myself fucking care until you. Then because I cared so quickly I knew I needed to get you the hell out of my life quicker so I made the game as intense as I could. I'm sorry, you will never know how truly sorry I am. If you can ever forgive me I promise to be better but I can't promise not to drink or do drugs or change who I am for you." He kisses the side of my neck and I get a spark of hope.

"I've never asked you to be anyone besides who you are. I need to say a couple of things and it is not to hurt you. I love you but I'm afraid of this of us. Thank you for being honest with me and it does change things greatly. It shows me there is a chance for this to work. I want us to be together but I feel like we need to take it slow, we jumped right in the deep end last time so how about we try dating. No pressure on either side and a chance for either one of us to leave, if I'm too judgmental and your too manipulating we can walk away." He is giving me a chance, something I was not expecting, it's not the commitment I really want but it could end up there all I need to do is actually relax and enjoy the ride.

"I would love to date you, in fact can I formally ask you out for tomorrow night? Are you going to be in town? What about Colt?" I don't want to ask but I need that answer.

"Yes I'll be in town, and yes I'll go out with you but not to a bar. I broke up with Colt, it sucks and I'm really hating myself for it right now. The fact that I can be so happy with you now makes it even worse." He is single and happy with me, damn if I can not help smiling at Cabana's misery.

"One more question and then I think we should go, as if we don't I may ravage you on Dreamers couch and I am sure he won't appreciate that and it breaks the taking it slow rule. Can I still kiss you anytime I want?" I see him thinking and then he smiles up at me and pulls my head down into a breath-taking kiss. Our tongues slide together and I suck at that ring he chews on when he is worrying. He pulls back from me much too soon for my own liking.

"Almost anytime, not in front of Colt. I would like someday to have him as my friend again and if I rub this relationship in his face in won't happen. So not in front of him ever okay?" I nod allowing him this one exception after all that leaves me a helluva lot of time to have my tongue in his mouth.

"How long before you plan on putting out Punkers?" He laughs and slaps my arm his face growing red at the fact Dreamer had just entered the room.

"Three dates is a good rule to go by Punk, but I would make him wait longer than that." Punk stands shaking his head at the two of us and grabbing his keys. He leans down and kisses me lightly.

"Call me with the plan for tomorrow. Love you see ya later."

"Love ya too kitten" he growls as he walks out the front door, it's so cute he may as well be purring.

"Don't screw this up" Dreamer states sitting on the couch and grabbing his remote.

"I won't nothing in this world could make me screw this up with him again." Dreamer makes a noncommittal sound and settles on a channel. I have a chance now and with everything I have I am going to prove to Punk that all the scars have been worth it.

* * *

**Thank you everyone for reading, please remember to review it keeps me motivated.**

**lamentomori- Poor Punk is kind of imploding, I think at this point he is brushing everything under the rug and trying to keep on a brave face. With the loss of his support system i think he is clinging to Raven and just hoping for the best. Birdie I think is trying to be honest but at the same time it is birdie and I think good intentions usually go the wrong way. Puppy is not done he has decided he is not going to roll over and let everyone walk all over him and that comes out in the next chapter. (already done, and being posted right after this one!) I'm still unsure who Punk will end up with at this point or if he'll end up alone. Oh and everyone needs to go read this ladies work it is amazing!**

**badgerlynne- Thank you for the review I look forward to your input on the chapters and the way you view the story (it has actually changed things a few times) They are acting like adults, however I think neither of them really understand adult relationships so it is bound to fall apart and the games may return. I feel Punk needs the flame to survive and I think although he would desperately want to feel the flame with Colt leaving him to be with Raven was the only option he saw. Although I think Punk playing with fire is bound to burn him.**


	13. Hurt the One's You Love

Punk POV

Our first date was wonderful and weird, Raven brought me flowers, pulls out my chair, opened doors, was a perfect gentlemen yet all it did was make me feel like he was trying to hard and have it dawn on me that we are way past the dating stage and I need to reevaluate once again. I decided on my next line of attack and take a deep breath at the end of the date I spill the latest action our relationship is going to take. "I'm moving in with you" I announce this as if I am stating that it is raining outside and he coughs on the glass of whatever he is drinking spills.

"What?"

"I'm moving in with you, this feels forced and stupid. We've been through way too much to go back to this stage so we are going to the next stage I am moving in with you. It will prevent me from having to find a new apartment to once again hide from my parents. It will only be a trial run as once the WWE works out the details I am heading to OVW. So I'm moving it with you okay?" He just smiles, a smile I've never seen on his face hell I would think if he isn't careful a smile like that could break his face. I am sure he is using muscles he hasn't used in years and then he nods. That week we spend in Chicago packing up my shit, I know I need to see a few people but I don't bother my little world only consists of Raven and his friends now. My friends and family are on the back burner until I can face them all to tell them the truth. I've texted Joe a few times to check on Colt, not good and depressed are the answers I get. I'm worried and wonder if I should plan a trip to California to confront him, I don't need to though because Joe lets me now they will be at the next ROH show.

Raven is enthusiastic with helping me unpack, and it is the oddest sight he almost appear giddy as he makes space in his home for me. It is a foreign feeling someone wanting me to invade his space making room in his closet, emptying draws, creating space in his life for me. I can not remember anyone ever taking the time to make space in there lives for me, I'm so use to fighting for a little piece that it makes me want to run. I suppress that urge and unpack the little bit of shit I have accumulated through the years, stuff is something I don't have a lot of it makes moving easier. So before I know it I am all moved it and Raven and I are falling into a routine. Hell he fucking throws a welcome party for me with all of his friends, they get shit faced and I watch laughing at the antics staying close to Raven to resist temptation.

The Roh show approaches quickly and then the night falls and I am nervous, everyone in the same room could cause a explosion and I have no desire to be at the center of it. We go to the show together and I make him go in first. He is accepting to the fact that I can not show any sign of our relationship to Colt not yet at least maybe someday. I enter the locker room and scan the area quickly, Raven winks at me and I look across the room Colt is staring straight ahead with Joe and Ace nearby, I find a place away from all of them and get ready. Raven approaches me and we talk quickly about the match before he wonders across the room. My ring tone fills the silence and I open the bag searching for it, pulling out a kilt I sigh, any illusion of separation between the two of us is blown away by the fact that somehow we switch bags on the way in. I hear Raven answer my phone and grab the bag carrying it over to him. He hands me my bag and keeps talking quietly on my phone, in a very professional manner. He thanks whoever it is and then ends the call handing it to me, "Your lawyer would like you to give him a call, says it has something to do with your upcoming court date, and that he looked over the contract and its solid you should sign." I roll my eyes and thank him softly returning back to the quiet place I had chosen.

Ace approaches me with Joe and Hero, Colt standing in the background but not as far away as I would have assumed. "Upcoming court date? Contract? Ever heard of answering a phone, or when you move providing a forwarding address Punk?" Ace voice is controlled but he appears mad at me guess I really should have informed people of the move.

"I've got some legal shit with my parents I'm dealing with, nothing I want the world to know about. The WWE offered me a developmental contract, no big deal. I've been busy I was planning on calling sorry, and the move just happened I was going to tell you guys." Colt pushes past the men and is in my face and I take a small step back.

"You signed with the WWE and didn't tell us? Why are you here shouldn't you be too good for us now?" He snaps and I cringe internally and see Raven inch closer, he won't listen if he feels the need to protect me so I really hope he stays back.

"I haven't signed anything yet, and don't be an ass about it. You would have encouraged me too take it so don't act like that. " I state quietly not wanting to draw attention to this little confrontation. Colt rolls his eyes and actually pushes me lightly, he is not trying to goad me but Raven into a fight and the easiest way to him is through me. "Cabana stop it, get out of my space. You want to lash out at me fine, but do not use me to get to Raven." He glares and then shoves me back hard enough for me to stumble. Raven is moving and I block his path, "Go outside please" I request of him and he gives me a very unhappy look and turns to storm off.

"Already turned him into a pussy I see Punk, he gonna fight all your battles from now on?" I roll my eyes and try to ignore him, though once Raven is out of the room I grab Colt by the front of his shirt and slam him against the lockers pinning him there. He seems startled and I think everyone is.

"Listen very closely Colt I will only warn you once. You can hate me all you want, but you go after Raven and I will fucking attack. You have no idea what he has been through in his life and I will defend him against everyone and that includes you. Back the fuck off and get the hell over it." I step back and as soon as I do he swings his fist connecting with my jaw. I grimace as my teeth rattle and think about hitting him back but Ace steps in between the two of us.

"You know for a man who is supposedly your best friend Punk he seems pretty fucking selfish to me." I glance at Raven and roll my eyes of course he didn't go far.

"Scott" I warn my voice low hoping he drops it.

"No do not Scott me does he have any idea what you would do for him? That the WWE has been after you for months but you ignored them because they didn't want Colt too? Or how about the fact that you did him a favor by being with him in the first place. I mean seriously what were you expecting Cabana, Punk to come off being hopelessly in love and fall into your arms. Everyone including yourself had to see you were the rebound but you accepted it knowing the consequences. How much do you even know about Punk?" I growl a warning at Raven hoping he gets the clue to shut the hell up.

"I know more about Punk then you ever will fucker, I wasn't a fucking rebound there was something real there even Punk felt it just ask him." Yup I'm caught between the two men and alls I want to do is find the closet rock and hide underneath it.

"You know about his childhood? About the abuse? Or how about the fact he is facing jail time because he beat his dad up, or that he moves constantly because his parents harass him. I know him better than you ever will and I swear no matter what you ever touch him violently outside the ring again and I will kill you Cabana, because if you knew anything about Punk then you know that is the most traumatic thing you could ever do." Okay so to say that I am pissed is an understatement Ace may be holding me back from Raven in a second. Cabana is not speaking in fact he is looking at me confused as is Ace and Joe. Yup need a rock right about now. I walk calmly over to Raven and grab his shirt gentler then I would normally but I can see slight fear in his eyes and I wonder if he thinks I would hit him.

"I told you that shit in confidence, when I tell you stuff keep your big fucking mouth shut Scott."

"I told you about my past in confidence but you just implied it to Cabana" I roll my eyes and take a step away before I do hit him.

"I defended you and made myself clear, I didn't lay all your cards on the table, because what you told me is not for any one else. If you want this to work a little trust would go a long fucking way Raven." He looks a little ashamed at least and we will talk about it more at home, I'm sure I will yell a lot.

"Sorry" he states softly and I take his hand squeezing it, already forgiving him but still angry. I turn back to my stuff intent on getting ready yet Colt, Ace, and Joe are still right there and now they all look questioning. The anger is out of Colt's eyes at least and he is not staring at me as if he wished I would disappear. In fact Colt is the one who moves grabbing my arm and leading me from the room Ace, Joe and Raven trailing. Raven purely for moral support and to beat Colt up if he gets out of line. We enter Gabe's office and he glances up "Leave" snaps Colt and cursing under his breath Gabe does so. We all stand in silence and it is awkward as all hell. "Any of what Raven said true?"

I sit down hard onto one of the chairs and glance at my boyfriend "Fucker" I snap rubbing the back of my neck. "Yes its fucking true"

"Which parts?" Ace sits across from me taking Gabe's seat and I have to smile.

"Which part isn't true, the fuckers a very honest guy. WWE, Jail time, harassment, abuse, moving, my boyfriend being a mega dick all true."Raven crosses his arms and glares at me I shrug and mouth love you at him. Knowing Colt can see this but really I can not live my life protecting his feelings it is not healthy for anyone. Colt surprises me and sits beside me taking my hand I look down at our fingers interlocked and want to cry.

"Talk to us" he states softly and in the its time to fix Punk voice I find infuriating most of the time.

"Don't, don't fucking act like everything is okay, and be sympathetic and my friend when a few hours from now you will leave with Joe and go back to ignoring me. Don't act like my best friend because its convenient and you think I will talk to you about stuff." I try to pull my hand away but he holds it tighter.

"I am mad at you and heart-broken, but that doesn't mean I stop fucking caring Punk. It is going to take time and we may never get back to the place we were at before but we will be friends again someday." I look at him questioningly and shake my head finding it hard to speak, I really don't want to cry just to go out in front of everyone in the audience with red eyes and a puffy face. I relay everything I told Raven to the group.

"Calling it abuse I think is a little extreme but Raven seems to think that was what it was and still is." Everyone nods and glances at Raven who gives them a smirk.

"How bad was the hitting? How much jail time are you facing?" Ace always the worry wart looks at me with concern.

"I don't know he hit everyone in the family when he drank so it depended on how often he was drinking, everyday of once a month really never knew what to expect. My lawyer got my medical records thanks to Raven's big mouth and believes he can get the DA to drop the charges or give me probation. He doesn't think jail time is going to happen, who knows like I told Raven I think he is over paid and tells me what I want to hear."

"How often did he put you in the hospital" I shrug not really sure of the answer

"Fourteen times in two years" states Raven from his place near the door, "Dislocated his shoulder a few times, stitches, broken arm once. A whole spectrum of injuries, child services went to his house at least eight times and they started the processing of removing him from the home twice, each time his dad entered rehab and they left the children in care of their mother." I frown at Raven wondering how he knows all of this. "I tracked down all the information I could on your father and sent it to the DA I still have a few brain cells left. So I used my intelligence for good, the call from your lawyer should be to inform you they are dropping charges." I nod at this grateful but not holding my breath, the truth is I'm over this conversation, at the moment I'm over Raven, I'm more understanding of his antics because I know about his past but that doesn't mean he gets to walk all over me. I stand to leave the room and Colt grabs my arm so I glance at him.

"Can we talk alone for a moment?" I nod and give Raven a look he sighs but walks out of the room followed by Joe and Ace, the door shuts and I glance over at Colt. "What are you doing Punkers, moving in with a guy is so not your style. So as my friend I would like to know what you are up too." I smirk slightly at Colt give it to my best friend to figure out there is more going on.

"Alright Colt, honestly I care about him but at this moment in time I don't trust him fully. I'm not sure if what he has told me is the truth I need to talk to a few people before I believe him. If it is I understand a little more clearly where he is coming from but that still doesn't forgive his behavior and I think a little lesson is in order. He says he is going to love me no matter what and wants a relationship, well I'm going to test it. I just need the right person to put his loyalty to me to the test. In the end he will either pass or I will walk away" Colt rolled his eyes at me and pull me down on to his lap, shocking me slightly with the affection.

"Punkers I'm not happy with you right now, but I am going to give you a word of advice. Relationships built on mistrust, games, and one upping one another will never work so forget this silly idea, and if what he told you was bad assume it is the truth people don't lie about that shit. Did you lie about your parents?" I shake my head no and he strokes my hair gently "what you went through Punk is abuse and I think it affects how you see the world now I would suggest talking to a therapist. Oh and one other thing before you run off to your neutral territory if it doesn't work out with Raven I'll be waiting when you are ready to give us a real chance." I give him a quick hug and he grabs the back of my neck holding me still in his lap. "I let you go too easily and I think maybe I should put up a fight not let you dictate our future so easily." With that he captures his lips with mine I keep my lips sealed as his tongue swipes along my lower lip. He sucks at my lip ring and I feel pleasure course through me I know I should pull away but there is comfort in his arms, in this kiss. I find myself wrapping my arms around his neck and when he sucks on my lip again I part to allow him entrance. The kiss is shorter than I think either of us would have liked but the knock on the door startles me enough to pull away. I clear my head and take a deep breath sliding from his lap.

Gabe calls that Colt is needed in five minutes and I hear Colt respond trying to remember the last thing he said to me. "That won't happen again Colt it is not fair to you or to myself, if it doesn't work out,with Raven, I don't want you to wait for me Colt be with Joe. You have feelings for Joe so stop holding back, Raven and I may not work out but that doesn't mean we would be together. I've got a show to go get ready for and so do you, I hope to talk to you soon." I go to leave the room and he clears his throat so I glance back at him. He opens his mouth and then closes it shrugging "What?" I say this softly hoping that he will tell me whats on his mind.

"Nothing, I was just wondering something" I cock my head and wait staring at him hoping he spills quicker. "You've spent your whole life defending yourself from your dad, so how did you become a wrestler isn't fake violence too close to the real thing for your mind?" I chuckle and tap my forehead lightly.

"I'm crazy Colt you know that, besides at least in wrestling its a fight I can win sometimes. I wasn't going to let him take away my dream no matter how much it fucks with my head. Plus I can use it in the ring and it fuels me." He nods and I wait he decides he is done and stands walking out the door past me, and I am back to cold shoulders and hurtful glances though I see the occasional smug smile glance my way as well and I wonder what is going on it Colt's mind.

The night goes semi well, except for the fact that I fucked my knee, the damn thing has been popping out of place for a while just randomly, and it did so in the ring unfortunately when I had my opponent in the air, too say my suplex was not pretty and I landed in a heap is an understatement. I finished the match and limped backstage. As soon as I am back there an arm comes around my shoulder and I glace at Colt with a small smile. "How bad" he asks and I shrug hopping over to one of the benches hoping the injury won't put me out for any length of time or screw with my new contract. Raven appears and kneels on one side of my leg with Colt on the other side both trying to pull of my boot and knee pad and literally slapping at each others hands.

I roll my eyes and stand hoping across the room to where Ace is, I flop down beside of him and plop my foot into his lap,my mentor, my friend helps me get the boot and pad off and begins to probe lightly at the knee. I wince and see Colt and Raven hover over Ace's shoulder watching his every move. "It's got some swelling, and it needs to be popped back into place. I think we need to go get it checked out." I groan and lean back on the bench closing my eyes, I despise hospitals, and emergency rooms are the worst. You wait forever then someone comes and takes you to a room where you once again wait forever. It's all waiting and trying to give you something for the pain which I refuse to take.

"Just pop it back into place and let me see how it feels." Ace nods and a second later pain ricochets up my leg. Although I feel some relief from the constant throbbing I still can not stand and put full weight on it so it's a trip to the hospital for me.

"Get ready kitten, I'll pull the car up." I'm so going to kill Raven he is not allowed to use strange terms of endearments in front of my friends who are now all giving me an amused look.

"Don't call me kitten" I snap and my boyfriend just chuckles and makes a purring sound as he walks off. "Are you going to change out of the kilt?" I yell this after him, we are already going to get looks like we are degenerates but him taking me with a kilt will make the looks worse, and god people could think this is some sex related injury and he is in a kilt for role-playing purposes. Okay maybe it's just me that wants him to put on an accent and play my warrior hero, okay Punk head out of the gutter and back to the matter at hand. He doesn't respond, just heads back on the door and I look at my estrange friends.

"Well could someone grab my bag so I can get dressed" The bag appears beside me and I look up at Joe. "Thanks" I mutter pulling out my shorts and an old comic book t-shirt. I slide the t-shirt on over my head. I lift my other leg and plop it into Ace's lap so he can undo the laces, he laughs at me and just removes the boot. I slide my shorts on carefully and Joe helps me stand to pull them over the trunks I have on. By the time Raven reappears I am fully dressed and Ace is finishing lacing my sneakers up. Raven walks over and despite my protests I am swept up into his arms.

"Can you grab his shit?" Raven asks this of Joe and I sigh as I am carried out to the car he sets me in the back seat and places my very swollen leg on the seat. A hand appears with a bag of ice and I grab it, smiling at Colt gently. He nods and walks off over to a rental car, Raven gives me a light kiss and thanks Joe for our bags.

* * *

We've been in the waiting room for a half hour when the door opens and Ace and Colt walk in minus Joe. I feel Raven tense beside of me and I glance at him, "they're my friends relax" They don't immediately walk over to us instead checking in with the receptionist. When they turn and head our way I see that Colt has an ice pack on his hand so I raise an eyebrow. "You didn't have to come down here just for me, but I take it from the ice you didn't" Ace laughs and sits down, Colt takes the seat right next to me and shows me his hand. Ouch that looks like it hurts I think to myself staring at the bruising and swelling.

"After you guys left, a couple of drunken fans decided to pick a fight with Cabana here, he held back until they decided to smack talk about Punk and then well they probably won't feel well tonight. Colt's hand I think may be fractured" I shake my head at Colt and slap him gently in the back of the head.

"You don't need to defend my honor, I like when people dislike me it means I'm doing my job being evil." Colt just gives me his school boy smile and leans against me resting his head on my shoulder.

"Will you kiss it and make it better?" I know Raven's already unhappy but I don't see the big deal when I take his hand and kiss it lightly. "You could kiss other things and make it better too" I laugh but Raven is not as amused as I am, in fact he slides from being my leaning post and storms from the waiting room. I call after him and stand slowly, I limp my way out the door looking around for Raven. I see the glowing ember of a cigarette in a dark corner and limp my way over.

"Could have told me you were coming out to smoke." He shrugs and studies me for a while silent so I wait for a response.

"I'm heading home, I think you have more than enough support here. I'm pretty sure the only reason Cabana is in there with bruised knuckles is it gave him an excuse to come see you. I get that the attention is flattering to you however he is trying to fuck up our relationship and I think you are letting him. Did anything happen in Gabe's office after I left?" I rub my forehead and really want to have this day just start over.

"We talked, he kissed me, I kissed him back and told him to move on with his life that I was with you. I told him that I loved you and I was never going to go back to him." I hoped the talking would override the small kiss. Of course my hope was wrong immediately.

"So you are telling me that in that waiting room is a guy you cheated on me with and a guy who wants you, disrespects our relationship by kissing you, and who you have a very recent past with. Yet for you it is okay they showed up tonight." I rub the back of my neck, biting at my lip ring I could see his point but I needed to make one of my own.

"You wanted me to sleep with Ace so do not act like I cheated on you with him. I chose you over Colt, I will always choose you over Colt. The people in that waiting room are barely my friends because of you, your mind games ripped my world apart and now I am trying to repair the damage. However I think you would be happier if the only person in my life is you, if you got to choose my friends. Well you don't Raven I love you but I need these people in my life they are my family. Besides how many people did you sleep with when we were together, or when we were briefly apart?" I've been wondering this for a few days, his comment about a ring rat on the phone was one I could not get out of my head.

"No one, I've been with no one since the day I pull your depressed ass up off that locker room floor." I look at him confused and he laughs bitterly. "Do you really think I could sleep with someone else when I am so in love with you? It is apparently very easy for you to sleep around however I wouldn't do that to you. At least in the past, now I am wondering if I shouldn't go cheat on you to get your fucking attention back on me. I'm outta here Punk, I may be at home when they release you, I may not." He is walking away towards the car and I am observing his words, if he is telling the truth then I feel like total shit however he needs to know something.

"You can run off and leave me here that's fine Raven, but if you sleep with someone else consider me gone. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in that way, but you pushed me to Ace and we were not together when I was with Colt. You can hate that I've been with them, but you don't get to make me feel bad. We are starting fresh so I will apologize for kissing Colt tonight, and promise it won't happen again. Go home, get drunk, I know you hate seeing me in the hospital and that is part of what is going on, but do not be a dick and do something we will both regret." With that I limp back into the emergency room, sitting across from Colt and Ace I do need to respect Raven's point of view.

"Where did the birdie go, did he fly south for the winter?" I glare at Colt shaking my head.

"Stop, you are allowed to hate him, hell you are allowed to hate me, what you are not allowed to do is purposely put yourself in the middle of our relationship. Your knuckles are bruised it may be painful but they are bruised you came down here to check in on me fine I appreciate it but don't go out of your way to make Raven uncomfortable. Ace I'm assuming you were going to come down here because that is what you would do for any of us and I appreciate it, however having two men I've slept with in the past month here doesn't help me at all. It doesn't matter now, he is headed home but in the future keep in mind that Raven is insecure and jealous." Ace nods in understanding and Colt huffs in his seat.

"Insecure, jealous, abusive, yeah real relationship material. You're so lucky to be with him." I take a deep breath and stare at Colt.

"Him being insecure and jealous is actually kind of sweet, he doesn't handle hospitals well which is why he left knowing I had support from my friends. I hope that is what we are Colt, but if you don't want to be my friend you can leave. Raven is not abusive so stop saying shit like that." Colt rests his elbows on his knees and leans towards me.

"He may not be physically abusive towards you, but mentally and emotionally all the games he has played, making you push people away, threatening to leave if you didn't do what he wanted. Tell me if you were an outsider and you heard this was happening to someone Punk, would it be okay with you? Or would you wonder how that person could be so weak, how they could let themselves be abused by someone who claims they love them." I take a deep breath I do understand what he is saying and I can not explain to him why I find what Raven did to be different or acceptable. I want to make everyone understand but I can not even really explain it to myself. I open my mouth to give him some sort of response, but as I do my name is called. I sigh and stand Ace following behind me, I look back at Colt and he smiles sadly. "Give me a call if you ever have a response to my question, if you can ever help me understand all of this maybe we could be friends again." I'm lead into another room with Ace following and I try to figure out an answer to make Colt part of my life again.

* * *

Ace drops me off at home, the brace on my knee keeping it in place and the crutches a nuisance, I make my way inside looking around. The house is silent and I make my way to the bedroom finding it empty. I pull out my cell phone and text Dreamer _He's with you right?_ Amazingly I actually get a text in response _Yes he is, very drunk going to have him crash here, seemed upset but wouldn't talk to me._ I don't feel like talking to Dreamer about this so I just make my way back to the living room, I hop my way to the kitchen and grab a Pepsi. Once I'm settled on the couch with my leg elevated and infomercials on I grab the information from the hospital, flipping through the papers I remember the pill in my pocket, they gave me a script for vicodin despite my protests, and one to take home to help me through the night since pharmacy's are closed. I pull out the little packet and pop the pill into my hand studying the pill. My boyfriend is smashed, my best friend is angry, I'm facing jail time, and most of my friends are pissed at me, on top of that my leg is throbbing and this little pill would make it feel better for a while. I wonder what the harm would be in taking it once, I mean it is prescribed. I glance around the empty house feeling more alone then I have ever felt, I pop the pill into my mouth swallowing it down with Pepsi I then watch the infomercials while wondering how I got to the point where I feel so disconnected.


	14. Games we Play

"Often it is the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroy them."

I push open the door to my home quietly not wanting to disturb Punk if he is resting. I've been avoiding home for the last two days. Ever since I left the hospital I have not been home I have not talked to Punk. I spent one night at Dreamers and then the next day due to the man's constant whining at me to go fix things I rented a hotel room. I told him I had nothing to fix, that Punk needed to apologize to me and Dreamer informed me that I am a miserable bastard who is hopeless. I have to agree with him, I know I should have stayed at the hospital I just couldn't take Colt mooning over Punk and my boyfriend encouraging it, plus it felt like too many people in that room had seen Punk naked, hell been inside of Punk in a way I want no one to ever have. Yes I'm a jealous idiot but now that we are really giving this a try (well I hope we still are) I tend to over react to shit I would have ignored in the past. It is not exactly like Punk reached out to me either, he never called or texted me once in the last two days so obviously he was fine with the space.

The blinds are shut tight and the TV is playing softly, Punk is curled up on the couch his knee brace thrown on the floor, he is sleeping when I approach. Empty bottles surround the couch and I pick up the glass wincing as the beer label stares me in the face. Apparently my supply was raided by a straight edge brat that I need to get back on the right path soon. I pick up the hospital papers examining them, grateful to see that it is just a serious sprain and some pulled muscles nothing he will need surgery for. The orange of a prescription bottle catches my eye and I pick it up examining the label. I pop open the top on the pills dumping them into my hand and begin to count slowly, he has taken quite a few, more than the doctor ordered and I shake my head carrying them into the kitchen I throw the bottle into a cupboard.

I return to the living room pulling the old blanket from him gently, I turn him slightly so I can see his knee. Being careful I straighten the leg and inspect the swelling, I tuck a pillow under his leg and go back to the kitchen collecting an ice pack I place it onto his knee. I feel his green eyes on me long before he decides to speak, "Where the hell have you been?" I take a deep breath and go about picking up the empty bottles his eyes follow me and I feel guilty for having left him here for so long, I just don't do good with feelings unless my blood is drowning in alcohol. I watch as he sits up slowly his hand searching the coffee table, and I see him lean forward glancing under the table and cocking his head to see under the couch. I walk across the room and yank open the blinds hearing a groan, my own hangover protests this greatly but if we are going to fight which it seems we are might as well have some light to see his reactions by.

"I was out, why do you care seems you had a pity party all of your own right here Phil. What by chance are you looking for?" His head snaps up and he is looking at me, anger, sadness, and an emotion I can not comprehend crosses his face quickly.

"Well my little pity party as you call it would never had happened if the man I love, the man I live with, the man who is suppose to be there for me fucking was. Where have you fucking been Scott? Where the fuck are my pills?" His pills words I never thought I would here from his lips and I try to find some anger, something in me besides an overwhelming feeling of sorrow that I did this to him. I go and sit on the coffee table across from him and take his hand gently.

"I'm sorry Kitten, I've been drunk the last couple of days, as soon as I sobered up I came home to give you the love, support, and care you need. Why didn't you call somebody to come take care of you. Punkers you know I'm not dependable, all I can say is I'm sorry. Why do you want the pills Kitten? I'm not going to give them to you so you can abuse them." He scoffs at me and stares at the ceiling for a moment,

"You come in here with some weak ass excuse of being drunk, you still know your own address so you could have gotten home, where the hell were you last night Dreamer said you never went back there. WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?" Okay the kid can yell, and I've managed to totally piss him off I just hope we can get through this.

"I stayed at a hotel, the one right up the street. I was going to come home but I chickened out because I knew you would be mad at me." He laughs bitterly, and I know now the emotion I couldn't catch on his face bitterness towards me, towards our love. I feel my heart start pounding harder and I pray I haven't screwed this up permanently

"You were ten minutes away and you didn't come home because you were scared. Bullshit, really just bullshit Raven. Do you know you have a hickey on your neck?" My hand flies to my neck, and I place my fingers there and he laughs again. "You don't really but that tells me you didn't stay alone. Guilty conscience showing through Raven so give me the truth or leave me the hell alone." I don't know if he will believe the truth and I don't know if the truth would be best for us, I think maybe I should call Colt and give up. Our love seems to be destroying both of us so maybe it is time for me to wave the white flag, but there is so much hurt in his eyes that I can not lie.

"I didn't take anyone back to the hotel, I admit there was a girl at the bar I made out with but it did nothing for me as she wasn't you so I paid my tab and went back to the hotel room alone. It felt justified at the time because you kissed Colt but I know now it doesn't fix anything." He takes a deep breath and leans back on his pillows I see him brush at his cheek and grimace at the wetness that is left behind.

"Tit for tat, Raven its just another game. We never win these games, and I am so very tired of feeling alone. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to survive this and still be able to look at myself in the mirror. I love you but I'm not sure if love this hard is worth it. I feel so broken down, so lost, so empty even when I am in your arms. I don't want this to be over so help me please, give me a reason to try, just give me a reason to stay." I swallow hard wanting to have the right words in this moment to fix all the wounds I have inflicted, he is bleeding on the battlefield and I need the strength to heal him.

"No more games I promise you that Kitten. I can't make you stay but I can promise to try harder, to be here, be present in this relationship I need the same from you though, I love you but I will not watch you destroy everything you believe in. I will do anything it takes, I will prove to you that you are not alone. If you stay I will love you the best way I know how." I'm not sure its enough, I have broken promises in the past and trust, and the truth does not exist between the two of us. "If you want to leave I won't stop you, but I will not be whole with you gone. I'll do whats right and call Colt and tell him to come get you if that's what you want." He turns and those olive eyes are watery and I can see the hurt to the very depths of them.

"Why would you think calling Colt is what is right for me?" He whispers this studying me carefully.

"Colt protects you, believes in you, he would gladly live and die for you. The man is a better person then I will ever be, and he is the kind of person you deserve." He sits up slowly swinging his legs onto the floor wincing as he bends his knee. The ice pack clatters to the hard wood and makes us both jump in the silence.

"Colt loves me, I love you, who do you love at the end of the day who do you love Raven?" I shrug slowly wanting to scream you at him until I can no longer scream, but I am giving him the out. He should walk away from me, the truth of that sits scattered around us. Empty bottles know piled neatly, pills hidden in the cupboard, and an ashtray filled with butts all proof to me that I should concede, let him go before I damage him to the point he doesn't survive. "Who do you love Scott?" He is pressing and I know what he wants to hear but I refuse to say the words he wants no matter how true they are.

"I love myself Phil, the only person I have ever loved is myself. I'm sorry you fell for my charms and my lame ass story of abuse. At least it bought me a few more weeks of fucking that tight ass. Though the guy I fucked last night was tighter." He stares down at the floor and I can not see his eyes to see if he believes the lies that fell from my lips. He struggles to stand and I want desperately to reach out to him and help yet I don't. He limps slowly to the bedroom and I hear the opening of draws, he reemerged with a backpack. I watch as he grabs his phone and pulls out his key ring, the clang of his house key hitting the table beside of me fills the silence. A moment later the slamming of a door is ringing in my ears and the breath I have been holding escapes my lungs. I glance around the empty apartment and let out a strangled scream. "How could you believe me? How could you believe me so easily?" I ask the space as I slide down to my knees, I feel the wetness of my face long before it dawns on me I am crying. I have not allowed myself to cry in so long that the foreign feeling almost scares me, this kid, my kitten walked away and I am for the first time broken in a way I don't think I will ever understand. The only thought in my head is that he never loved me, he wouldn't have walked away if he loved me. No matter what I said he wouldn't have walked away, why did he believe me so easily? Why am I never enough?

* * *

**Thank you as always for reading and please remember to review! Disclaimers and such in chapter one!**

**badgerlynne- I think throwing your emotions for a loop is a good thing and something I strive for when writing. An emotional connection keeps readers coming back. I was on the fence through writing most of this if I was Team Raven myself yet the birdie has persuaded me, now he just needs to figure out how to keep Punk. Happy New Year to you also!**

**lamentomori- I feel birdie is as sincere as he can be, I think dreamer has to be Raven's conscience as at times he forgets he has his own. Raven does enjoy his fireworks yet at the same time i feel he may be actually trying to reign in that side of him a little. Being in the birdie's nest alone makes kitty very unhappy as his prey has flown the coop thanks to puppies barking. But now the barking has stop kitty is trying to wait out the birdie. An answer is forth coming for Colt but I don't think he is going to like it. I have another double update planned but with my work cycle it may not always work out that way lol.**


	15. Drop in the Ocean

Just to let everyone know I have been double updating both Punk and Raven's POV so if you are confused read the chapter before this!

* * *

I stand on the sidewalk in front of Raven's home, I hear his scream and I want to return but really whats the point. I don't believe his lies I'm not that stupid, but just minutes after promising me no more games, he pulled another one. He wants me to walk away, so instead of breaking my heart he makes me the bad guy for leaving. I honestly can not do this anymore, yet I have no place to go and my heart is trying to pull me back inside that house. I walk back to his porch and lower myself on the bottom step, I straighten out my sore leg and stare at the stars in the sky. Somehow Raven's love reminds me of the stars, strong, blazing powerful but it burns out and leaves a black hole in its place. I feel like I am being sucked into that black hole now, that somehow a void has overtaken my life and I need to escape, but have no desire to do so.

Colt's question haunts me, it has for the last two days. Would I see this as abuse if I was an outsider, how do I explain it to someone who is not on the inside of this relationship. I have come up with several answers but none of them really seem to justify Raven's behavior. Something then dawns on me for the first time, Colt is only seeing it through eyes of someone who loves me, he is not seeing my own behavior. In Colt's mind I have only been the victim in all of this, he doesn't see the reality or know alls of what I have done and maybe it is time to get off this pedestal Cabana has me on and show him the truth of who Phillip Brooks is.

A resolve is coming over me, I have played the victim for too long, I've let others take care of me. I've let people fix my problems and when they couldn't I've pushed them away. Well no longer will I be a kitten, I understand that nickname know. I've for too long allowed others to run my life while I just lay there and purr, my occasional hissing when things go wrong causes others to race and fix my life. Well it is time I start to fix my own damn life, the only damn reason I feel so alone is I've made myself feel this way. I have family, friends, and a man who cares more for me then he should, I've encouraged the games, the deceit, the bitterness, I've played Raven from the start, I started the games to protect myself from my own damn feelings.

Well no more it is time for a change I stand and go back into the house, the man I love is on the floor tears dripping down his face. I snatch the key from the table and he looks up, I bend down and slam my lips onto his the kiss all passion and fury. He returns it easily and I am grateful there is still a chance here. I pull back and shake my head "I love you, and I know you love me so don't fucking lie to me about that shit ever again. I have to go handle somethings but I will be back, I will come home." I yank him up ignoring my protesting knee and wrap him tightly in my arms. "This is where I belong so stop trying to push me away, you are my someone and I am not going to walk away." I pull away from his tight embrace and grab his phone shoving it into his hands. "Call Dreamer, have him come stay with you while I'm gone. It will be a few days but I promise to come back," He nods slowly I'm not sure he is fully understanding so I look around the room. Seeing a permanent marker on the desk in the corner I limp over and grab it going over to his white wall I yank the picture off. I write in my messy scrawl across the paint and then toss the marker across the room. _I love you Scott, where you go I will follow, my hearts belongs to you now. Love your someone Phil XOXOXO_ The hugs and kisses may be a little much but at the same time I want him to see this while I am gone and know I am coming back. I see a smile on his tired face and give him one of my own. I slide from the house with a destination in mind, I shoot a quick text to Dreamer in case Raven doesn't listen to me and call him.

I'm on a plane when I receive a text back. _He did call me, not really sure what is going on but he is just sitting on the couch with a weird smile staring at your graffiti. It's so sweet it is giving me a toothache._ I can not help but laugh lightly and pray that when I return I will be strong enough for both of us, in my realization I've understood for the first time how broken Raven is and what he really needs from me. I've let him down a lot lately and I am no longer going to do that, his little kitten is going to come back and for once be the one to hold things together.

* * *

When we land in Chicago (a pit stop for my real destination) I take a cab to Ace's house. I knock on the door not caring how early in the morning it is. When he finally opens up I walk in and smile at him. "I'm sorry for waking you up but I needed to get somethings off my chest." He blinks and holds up a hand.

"Coffee, I need coffee before we start this. Shouldn't you be on crutches and be wearing your brace. Your knee is not going to heal if you keep walking on it." I roll my eyes and sit on the couch plopping my leg up on the cushions. He shakes his head going into the kitchen he returns a while later, a steaming mug of coffee, and a knee brace in his hands. He hands me the brace and I put it on without protest, the truth is my leg is killing me. "You're not alone" I state this and point to the sneakers, and coat by the door that are so not his. I know who they belong to however and I can not hide the small smile.

"I'm seeing someone and he is sleeping so keep your voice down please." I chuckle and roll my eyes at the man. "Okay what do you need to get off your chest." I take a deep breath and think over where to start.

"I appreciate everything you do for me, I hope you know that you have become like a big brother to me, in some ways a father figure. I started this thing with Raven playing my own game, I used him and I used you. I need to apologize for that, he didn't make me come here and throw myself at you I did that all on my own. I was testing how much you cared and if you would still stick around after I fucked with you. I do that at some point in every relationship I have because I don't trust people, in the past they have always left. For too long I have allowed other people to take care of me, fix my problems, and alls I've done is be an ass and lash out when they can't fix them immediately. I need to be stronger, and I am going to be stronger. Raven and I are going to end up together, it may be difficult, it may be a constant battle but we belong together. He is my heaven in this hell, I may not be a religious man but I do believe people are placed in your life for a reason. He is here to challenge me, to make me learn to fight for myself, for what I believe in and to show me that even when love isn't easy it is worth it. I want you in my life, I need you in my life Ace and I hope I can consider you a friend as family, you've taught me more about life outside of the ring than inside. Thank you for being who you are, thank you for your patience, thank you for caring when I didn't care about myself for so long." I take a breath, and he is just smiling at me sipping his coffee and then he walks over and envelopes me in a hug. Ace gives these amazing bear hugs and I sink into the strength of it, glad at least he still wants to hug me.

"Finally growing up Punk, I see there may be hope for you after all. If Raven is what you want then don't give up easily. Everything with us is water under the bridge, I knew long before your confession here that you were testing me. I will always be here and we will always be family, I'm glad you found a reason to fight, may I ask what your plans are now?" I rub the back of my neck and give him a small smile.

"California, I'm heading to California the plane leaves at nine." He gives me another of those hugs and I take comfort in it.

"It is not going to be easy, he loves you more than any of us realized." I nod and then shake my head right after.

"No he doesn't he loves the Punk in his head, not the real me. He loves the Punk I let him believe is real. It's time he sees me for who I am warts and all."

"If that is not enough to make him understand then what?"

"I lose someone I care about, my best friend, my brother and hope that someday he comes around. I gotta get back to the airport soon." Ace stands and walks me to the door and I take a deep breath and yell out. "See ya later Hero." Ace slaps my arm lightly but I get a response.

"See I told you he would figure it out, see ya Punkers good luck!"

"Your secrets safe with me, talk to you soon." He hugs me once again and I am off to the airport for my flight.

* * *

I rent a car in California and think about the last time I drove to Joe's, a car I stalled more times than I could count while getting taco's for a bunch of drunk idiots. Hopefully Joe's place fares better than that night. I stop at a store and purchase a couple items, and then drive around for a bit before I find what else I am looking for. I then go to Joe's pulling up to his place I take a deep breath, here goes I think to myself. I open the pack of cigarettes I purchased lighting one and walking to the door. I pound on the door, a moment later it is flung open by an angry looking Joe. He looks at me with shock all anger gone "Colt here?" I snap and he nods glancing over his shoulder, I go to push past him and he stops me.

"You can not smoke in here Punk" That is not something I have ever heard and hopefully after today will never here again, I don't know how people willingly inhale this shit. I just take a drag on the cigarette and blow the smoke in his face.

"Tough shit" I state brushing by him. Colt is sitting on the couch a confused look on his face, I hear the door shut and flick an ash onto Joe's floor. I turn to the man and give him an annoyed look. "You are still here why? This is a conversation for Colt and I only you can leave now." I really don't want to be punched by the big man and so I mouth please at him. I am putting on all the attitude I can right now I need to get some stuff across to Colt and he won't listen if he thinks that I am still the little kitten. Joe gives me a confused look and crosses his arms over his chest.

"This is my place if you want to talk, talk no one is stopping you and stop flicking ashes on my damn floor Punk." I shrug and go over to Cabana I lean down and kiss him he immediately kisses me back, and I allow him this last moment before I deliver some hard truths. I see Joe tense until I pull away and smirk.

"Your always so easy Cabana its a pity you can't see what you have right in front of you." I flop into Joe's recliner and open the bag I am carrying, pulling out a bottle of whiskey I open it. I take a long pull the burn in my throat a reminder of what I hope to accomplish. "Want some" I asked Colt and he shakes his head confused.

"Whats going on Punk, did you and Raven break up?" I laugh at Colt and shake my head.

"Nope we are good in fact we are really good." I pull a joint from my pocket, my little side errand not so hard to find in California. I feel around my pockets and look at both of them "Damn I left my lighter in the car either of you have a light?" I actually have a lighter in my pocket but have no desire to actually light the damn thing. They shake their heads and I sigh shoving it back in my pocket.

"What is going on Punk, is Raven making you do this?" I laugh again at Colt and shake my head no.

"Raven has never made me do anything Colt, do you not see that. He may be an ass but I have willingly done everything myself. I drink because I want too, I do drugs because I want to, I slept with Ace because I wanted to use him, I slept with you to hurt Raven, and to use you. I mean it was a lot of fun, but lets face facts you are too fucking nice for me I would be so bored so quickly. Don't get me wrong Cabana I love you, but I'm not in love with you. Not the way Joe is in love with you, not the way you are in love with him." Colt looks startled and I just smirk, knowing my words are going to hurt but I need to get through to him once and for all. "I want to be your friend but nothing more than that ever, stop trying to fix my life. I like my life, I love Raven, I am so in love with Raven that he is the only thing in this world that makes me happy. Stop thinking of me as this person who doesn't do anything wrong, I am not a victim I willingly play games, I hurt people, I hurt you stop ignoring that, and accept that the person you think you love is a fucking gimmick." I can see the pain in face but I am no where near done.

"Punk come on this isn't you, you don't act like this." Okay so not getting through yet so I am going to have to take another tactic.

"Do you know why I love Raven, why I think his actions are acceptable. He understands me in a way you never have, he sees through my bullshit and still loves me. He never abused me Colt, not once did I ever do anything I didn't want to do. I played my own game the whole time, and he thought he was in control when he never was. Just like you in our little relationship, if that is what you can even call it. I used you from the very second it started, you were all part of my plan and gullible you, you fell for it. I never wanted to be with you, I'm not fucking perfect Cabana. I hurt people before they can hurt me. I push people buttons, I destroy everything and let others fix the damage. I'm sorry Joe I know you've been hurt in all of this." He nods at me and I stand walking over to Colt who seems to be trying to digest my words. I grab his chin and make our eyes meet "I'm not in love with you, I have never been in love with you. It was always him, you were nothing more than a drop in the ocean, and Raven's the whole damn universe. I used you, and I am sorry, I used you and I may have destroyed our friendship but I need you to understand there will never be a chance for us. I am not who you think I am, I'm fucked up Cabana but I'm going to be better. I need you to know I am sorry and if this is the end to our friendship I understand. We are never going to end up together, Raven is my heaven." I think my words are sinking in and maybe just maybe I can drop the hard ass act and get the hell out of here. He pushes my hand away and stands walking across the room to stand beside of Joe, I see his shoulders shake and I turn away grabbing the bottle and take a deep drink. I'm going to go back to my life style as soon as I leave this apartment but breaking your best friends heart is a lot harder to do then one would think.

"Why him? Why not me? Why couldn't you have just left it all alone in the first place Punk. Why show me what I can never have." I turn back around and he is facing me again Joe's arms are around his waist and Colt seems a moment from completely falling apart.

"To be honest, there is no real reason besides I love him, he is it for me Colt will always be. Part of me wanted it to be you, hope I could be happy with you, hoped I could make you happy. You can have what you want with me and a whole lot more with someone else. There is a man who is not great at expressing his feelings for you, but he always takes you back, he lets you believe it is nothing more than a booty call and every time I've hurt you, or the world has he stands beside you. Colt he loves you so much it is painful to see him when you are so obsessed with this idea of loving me. Do you not understand that you are not in love with me, you never have been. Tell me Colt what do you love about me, the real me not the one in your head." He thinks hard and I can see him searching for an answer.

"You're kind"

"Nope I'm not try again."

"You are straight forward."

"Please most of what I say is a mixed message."

"You are strong"

"I'm not yet, but working on it." He seems at a loss everything he throws at me I throw the truth back at him.

"You are fiercely devoted to those you consider your family and your friends." I shake my head sadly and smile softly at him.

"I wish I was the man in your head, he seems like a great guy but I hurt the people who care about me. I don't trust, I play games, I use people and when I feel they are too close I push them away with a vengeance. I've done it to you way too many times to count, you've just never left. Thank you for not leaving, for being a true friend." He nods and rest his head back on Joe's shoulder and I wait to see if I should leave now or if he needs me to disprove him some more.

"Do you remember a few years ago when we were all out here together, we went out and Joe got so drunk he couldn't remember his own address and we had no clue what it was or how to get back here. His license had his old address since he had just moved. We finally had to call his dad in the middle of the night for help. I don't think we laughed so hard as a drunk Joe try to explain to his old man why he was calling for his address in the middle of the night." I smile at the memory and so does Joe though I am sure its very hazy to him. "I miss those times, before all of this when it was so easy to be your friend. I think I fell for you in that room your sister created after your skull fracture, just sitting beside of you, hearing you breath thankful you were still breathing. I had all these conversations with you in my head and I think that's how I created this guy. I get what you are saying I do Punkers, just give me time, maybe someday it will be easy to pick up the phone and talk to you for now give me the space I need please." I nod walking across the room I take his hand and squeeze it gently, I then walk out of the apartment taking a deep breath. I hear footsteps behind me and Joe embraces me, I give him a weak smile.

"I know it doesn't seem like it but you did a good thing in there, I'll make sure he is alright and I strongly believe that someday we will all be back here as friends. Are you okay to drive?" I nod forcing another smile.

"The liquor was highly diluted, can you throw this out for me?" I pull the joint from my pocket handing it to him. He nods and kisses my forehead and I can't help but laugh, I've hurt this man a lot and here he is comforting me. "Go take care of him, I need to catch a plane." He nods and I slide into the car.

* * *

The plane touches down several hours and delays later, I send Raven a quick text _On my way home, I love you._ I flag down a taxi, watching as the rain pours down around us. I feel my phone vibrate and open the text. _Hurry up, I love you too._ I smile and look up my breath catching in my throat, headlights are heading straight for my side of the car, the driver tries to control the slide we are in as the tires leave the wet pavement. I hear the crushing of metal, the blaring of a horn that doesn't seem to stop and a numbness spreads throughout my body. I wonder what the wetness dripping down my face is and I try to reach up to brush it away. My arm does not respond and I wonder what happened, my last conscious thought is of Raven. I remember my phone in my hand and with the last of my strength my finger presses down on his speed dial button, the horn is still blaring and in the fogginess I hear my someone's voice. "You are my heaven" I whisper as blackness over takes me, I am pulled down until I am drowning in this dark abyss.


	16. White Walls

The smell, the feel, the white walls all are cold, hard chairs, TV playing late night infomercials, people crying, sleeping, coughing and Dreamer pacing in front of me. All of this seems surreal, he is here somewhere yet too far away for me to touch him. I will never forget the phone call, and the sound of his voice broken as he whispered to me, now all I can do is wait, to pray, to believe despite the fact that the car he was in is totaled. The side he was on smashed and the driver dead all of this burned into my mind, the vision of him being cut from the wreckage less then a mile from our house will forever haunt me. The blood, his blood, too much blood, and all I can do is wait and listen as the seconds on the clock tick, each a cold reminder that he could be gone, that time is an evil bastard and could have stolen him away from me before we even truly have begun.

When a doctor enters and speaks briefly to Dreamer I don't listen, I refuse to hear as the news could break me. My friend's hand finds my shoulder and squeezes so I glance away from those white walls and stare at him, unable to find my voice. "They want to know who his emergency contact is, who is next of kin is, and who his regular doctor is." Of course they would he is not from here they would need all his Chicago information. The only problem is I have no clue who he has listed for any of that, we've never discussed it so I fumble with my cell phone unsure if Ace or Colt would have this information. "Raven they won't tell us a lot because we are not family, but he told me that Punk is alive." A breath slides through my lips and some of the pressure seems to be released but until I know the extent of the injuries I will not be able to fully breath.

"I am family" I whispered through clenched teeth, but recognized that they would not consider his on and off again partner family. I plan to do something to rectify this in the future, if we have a future. I hit the speed dial for Colt and wait unsure if the man will even answer a call from me.

"Raven." its abrupt no pleasantries or signs that he would like to speak to me.

"I need some information Cabana, I need to know who Punk's emergency contact is, who his next of kin is, and who his doctor is." I hear him take in a sharp breath and he is fumbling, I hear a click of a light and a groan from Joe in the room.

"Why did something happen to Punk?"

"He was in a car accident, it looked bad, they won't tell me anything. Please I know you hate me but I need this information." I can hear him fumbling with pants and repeating what I just said to Joe, telling him to call the airport.

"I'm listed as his next of kin um so is Chez's mom. His emergency contacts are myself and Ace." I take down a number for the women Punk consider his mom, and his doctor's name. Giving Colt the number of the hospital. He thanks me and tells me he will call Ace, that they are on the way. I go back to waiting until the Doctor walks into the room again. I'm shocked when he calls my name so I stand and walk over to him.

"I have permission from his next of kin to discuss Phillips care with you and treatment going forward." Did Colt really do that for me? Why would he do that for me? I just give the doctor a nod and find myself holding my breath. "Considering the impact his injuries are not as severe as we first thought, he has broken ribs and a lot of bruising. The most concerning part is his head injury, from his records he has had a skull fracture in the recent past." I just nod remembering hearing something about this but unsure when or how it happened. "With skull fractures once you've had one the likely hood of another increases dramatically. We are doing x-rays and cat scans right now to rule this out as the reason he is still unconscious. I can tell you that he has a severe concussion, and that he has several stitches in his forehead. As soon as I know more I will let you know." I thank the man and go back to my uncomfortable seat listening to the clock tick once more.

Ace, Chez, and Chez's mom arrive before anyone else, the doctor has been keeping everyone updated so I'm glad I need not repeat to them how he is. I pace now, it seems like forever since the last update, I go out to smoke several times Dreamer following. I think he is afraid I may run, he needs not worry though I will not be leaving here without Punk by my side. A light tough to my arm stops the pacing and I look down at Punk's mom. "You are the one our Phil has decided to love?" I'm not sure how to respond so I just nod "You love him too?" Once again I nod and she smiles she places her hands on my face and kisses each of my cheeks. "He will be fine, Phil is a fighter and when he has something to fight for, nothing in the universe will stop him. You are that something no force on this earth will stop him from getting back to you." I feel wetness sting my eyes and I hastily retreat back outside, lighting another cigarette. I hear foot steps and assume that Dreamer followed me again, but when I look over my shoulder I see Ace standing a few feet away.

"She's right, I don't really understand it but the love he has for you has changed him, at times for the worst, but mostly for the better." I wonder how he can say that all I've done is broken him, I shouldn't even be here, Punk would be so much better without me and I want to tell this to Ace but he is not done yet apparently. "We are going to get a few things straight between us though. You have hurt him and I don't like it. You play with him like he is nothing more then a toy for your amusement well that ends. You want to be part of his life, then you learn to step up and be a man, no more shit Raven. He has been through enough and just now seems to be finding his feet, in part thanks to you. So stop trying to wreck his life, and learn how to be a part of it. That means dealing with me, with Colt, with everybody in his life. It also means sticking around when stuff gets hard, because I can tell you know nothing with Punk is ever easy but there are these moments when it is the most incredible experience. Ninety percent of the time you want to throw your hands in the air and walk away, but then he does this amazingly generous, kind, impossibly adorable thing and it reminds you why you keep his punk ass in your life." I nod I've seen these moments and hope someday they will be the ninety percent. "If you ever hurt him like you've done in the past I suggest changing your name and going into hiding because nothing on earth will stop me from tracking you down."

"I don't plan on hurting him, not anymore I can't live without him." Ace nods and then takes a very deep breath.

"I know this is going to be hard but find some common ground with Colt, because sometime in the near future they will be friends again and if Punk has to choose between the two of you it will fuck him up." Common ground with Colt seems impossible, but I know I need to try so I agree with Ace. We head back into the hospital and learn that there is no update so we wait, by the time soaps are playing on that obnoxious TV Colt and Joe arrive. Hours pass with little updates, more tests, still unconscious, and then the words stable are said and I almost feel like I can breathe again. I take a breath and walk over sitting beside of Colt.

"Thank you for having the doctor talk to me" He nods and stares straight ahead. "No matter what I know Punk wants you in his life, he loves you Colt." I see his jaw clench and think I should just walk away when he speaks.

"He wants you more and he loves you more." Its a statement that I know he does not enjoy saying. "don't know why."

"I guess I'm just lucky, then again having punk in your life, care about you, make you his best friend is very lucky. I know you are angry at me, at Punk even but don't throw away years of friendship over something that never could be. He needs you, just as much as he needs me, so don't give up because I can guarantee that the hurt will pass and you will regret the time you spent hating him." He closes his eyes and rubs at his forehead.

"I don't hate him, I never could. I'm hurt but I get what he meant at Joe's. It is just going to take time. I think Joe may be able to heal this hurt eventually and things will go back to how they are suppose to be. I don't hate you either I really don't even know you, just stop hurting him please, take care of him because I won't be able to for a while." I nod and go to speak when the doctor returns and he once again calls a name this time it's not my legal name.

"Raven?" It's a question and the man seems puzzled and I know that came from Punk. I rush over and he blinks at me. "You are Raven?" I nod and he just shakes his head. "Follow me please" I look over my shoulder and Dreamer gives me a smile. I follow the doctor down the hall to a room, we stand outside while he glances at the chart. "He has only been awake for a little but, he needs to rest and not get worked up so keep it relaxed. He asked for you then muttered that you wouldn't be here so I'm not really sure if he expects you to be here. However he did request you so," the doctor shrugs and glances through the chart some more and I ask him how Punk is doing. "I saw no signs of another fracture, there is some swelling however so we need to monitor this for a while. I believe that he is going to be fine, but once again no getting him worked up." I smile and push open the door softly, his head turns towards me and green eyes slowly open. A confused smile crosses his lips, and I see him trying to figure something out. His eyes begin to water and I walk across the room quickly.

"No crying, you are not allowed to cry right now or they will make me leave." He nods and groans lifting a hand to his head.

"What are you doing here, you don't do hospitals?" I sit on the edge of the bed taking his hand, I observe him quickly with my eyes, bandage on his head, another on his arm. Breathing shallow from the rib injury, pale, and he has iv's and wires coming from his body. Damn if he had never look sexier to me then right now, alive, in front of me, talking.

"I wouldn't be any place else in the world but here Punkers, besides you gave me a heart attack and you know this old man can not handle being separated from you for too long." He smiles and squeezes my hand firmly. "You know I just have to tell you that a hospital gown is very flattering on you and that you are incredibly pretty right now kitten." I lean down and capture his lips in a gentle kiss, he allows it before turning his head to glare at me.

"How many times do I have to tell you I am not a kitten, and also I am not pretty, handsome, ruggedly good looking but not pretty!" I laugh as my kitten hisses but has no real force behind the words.

"You will always be my kitten, I can call you pretty if I want so just deal with it. How are you feeling, do you need anything. Colt is here do you want me to go get him I'm sure he would love to see you." He blinks at me slowly and then reaches over and pinches me rather hard. "Ow!"

"Hmm I could have sworn I was still dreaming, you willing to let me in the same room with Colt willingly? Are you okay, I think maybe we should get the doctor and have him examine your head." I laugh and can't help but smile at his innocent look.

"You pinch yourself if you are dreaming Punker's not me and I just came to the conclusion he is your friend and I'm going to have to deal with it. Do you want me to go get him?"

"No, I just want you to lay down with me and hold me, so tired just want to go to sleep for a while. Please?" Like I would deny him anything at this moment in time. I slide beside him being careful of the tubes and wrap my arms around him gently, he rests his head onto my chest his fingers curling up in the fabric of my t-shirt. I watch as his lids become heavily and he drifts off to sleep I stroke his back gently.

"You are my heaven too" I inform the sleeping man in my arms the weight of the world finally lifted from my shoulders.

* * *

**I thank you all for reading, please review if you have the time. Everyone who has stuck through this story is amazing and you rock!**

**lamentomori- I hope this was fast enough, I didn't kill the kitten I could never kill the kitten! I'll take life and let it smack raven around for a while lol. Though I have a feeling raven would just tell life to fuck off and ignore the bitch. My mangy tom cat does like to pretend to be a pampered kitten lol. I think Puppy will come to understand and accept this in time, don't worry I am a strong believer that there could be no other best friend to kitten than puppy so all will be fixed somehow, someway.**


	17. Left to Bleed

"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive."

Punk POV

I feel the fingers brush over my jaw, I know who this is before I open my eyes, in fact knowing who this is causes me to keep my eyes closed longer. I hear the steady beep of the monitors, the quiet hustle from the nurses station but all my attention is on the little spark that is created when those fingers connect with my jaw. I wonder if this will ever go away, if things will return to normal and the spark between us disappear as if it was just a figment of my imagination from the start. I've been avoiding Colt the last two days, two very long boring days in which I slept more than I can recall since my skull fracture. When my eyes are open it is white walls, nurses, and the comforting present of Raven, I have not requested to see Colt despite wanting too I just have no clue what to say to him. Apparently a hesitant truce has been formed between my family and the man I love but that does not mean that it is not fragile and easily broken, and I am afraid of breaking it as my mouth likes to get me into trouble.

The rustle of a bag makes me finally relent and pry my eyelids open, Colt has a bag of Sour Patch kids right above my head and I can not help but smile "give me" I request and when he does I tear into the bag with enthusiasm, hospital food sucks and these sour little gems are the best thing I have tasted in days. I moan in appreciation and watch as Colt finds the remote for the bed and raises the head.

"Sit up and slow down you're gonna choke." I roll my eyes but glance at the bag beside of him, he smiles at me pulling out a portable DVD player and a pile of movies. I scan the titles seeing several horror, super hero, and of course the best movie ever Slap Shot. I lean over and carefully hug him mindful that any movement kind of hurts.

"You are the best best friend in the whole world!" He hugs me back and I know this is awkward but I'm trying to make it not be. He pulls away and pulls out a twelve pack of Pepsi and an assortment of other goodies, all designed to make my fat ass, fatter but right now I could care less. I grab the best movie ever pop it in the DVD player and hit play. I slide to the side of the bed and get comfortable patting the empty space beside me so Colt can join me if he chooses. He sits in the chair for several minutes before moving onto the bed to watch with me, there is a small space between us and I can't help but think the space represents the large chasm that is in our friendship now.

"So you know that almost dying kind of is unfair to people who are mad at you?" I can't help but chuckle glancing at Colt out of the corner of my eye, he is staring at the small screen intently so we are going to have a conversation and pretend we are not.

"Not exactly in my plan either Colt, I have better things to do then lay here for days. I need to be working out, bulking up for OVW." I see him wrinkle his nose and shake his head slightly he goes to open his mouth but then changes his mind. His fingers tap on his jean covered thigh and if it was any other place, any other time I would tell him to shut up, stop fidgeting and watch the best fucking movie ever.

"Is this as awkward as hell for you, because it is for me. How do we go back to the way it use to be?" I chew at my lip ring and think about his question before inching over to close the gap between us I rest my head on his chest and hear his breath hitch but pay no attention. Colt has always been my teddy bear when we watch movies so if we want normal this is fucking normal. After a few minutes his fingers find their way to my hair stroking gently.

"It is awkward, and I'm sorry I made it this way. I'm also sorry I was so harsh in California there may have been a better way to handle it. My words and my actions were hurtful, I guess I don't ever do asshole half ass. It's gonna take time but we can discover something new I think, a better friendship then we had before maybe. We just can't ignore each other, avoid calls, or be intentionally hurtful so once again I am so sorry." His fingers continue to stroke my hair and I think about telling him I am not a cat, yet apparently everyone sees me that way lately so I let it go.

"Your words hurt, but I think the worst was you calling me nothing more than a drop in the ocean, in made me feel like you saw me as this ordinary little pebble among all these millions of other pebbles I almost punched you on that one." I cringe at the reminder I even said those words, I never thought of it this way, I was just trying to define the difference in my feelings for the two, "but I guess if Raven is the whole damn universe then I am nothing special to you, just a single drop in the ocean, doesn't even create that big of a ripple in your life." I hear the bitterness and turn my head to kiss his chest gently, I've cause more damage then I though I did with just one stupid comment. His fingers tangle in my hair and he pulls back I wince at the slight roughness as I am made to look up in to his eyes. I haven't met his eyes with mine since I woke to him in the room, "Am I ordinary and boring to you Punk, would it make a difference if I was more like him. If I was more broken, hurtful, angry, and a total ass? Would it help if I didn't care about your feelings, if I just took what I wanted? Hell I could take what I wanted right now and no one would stop me, Raven went home to shower, the nurse is only checking on you every hour or so and was in recently. I could take you right here and now and would you stop me, would you fight me, or is that the way you want it?" So my eyes kind of widen at his words, never for a moment do I think he would follow through on the threat but the truth is that it is kind of hot to see Colt like this. Colt is usually so easy going to see that he has a slight dominating side cause my heart to beat a little faster.

"You're hurting my head Colt, I have a concussion" I remind him gently as his fingers had tightened even more and I feel a slight headache coming on from the pressure. His fingers immediately release my hair and he soothes the skin with his hand. "Can I talk now, can I explain myself better because the drop in the ocean comment was all wrong." He nods and I keep my eyes locked on his "It's like I have these two rare precious diamonds, and I need to choose between the two. One is this bright, flawless, sparkling beauty that anyone in the world would embrace if giving the chance, it is clean and pure, utter perfection. The other is this black diamond, with all these chips and flaws, it doesn't sparkle, it's horribly small, and no one would ever give it a second look. Yet somehow I know that underneath if I take the time to polish it, to try to see through these imperfections there will be a beauty I have never experience. I want both of these diamonds and that is not fair, because others want these diamonds too so I let go of the perfect diamond because the black diamond comes with the darkness I can take comfort in, and the flawless stone scares the hell out of me because I have never thrived in the light. I have no clue if that even makes sense but I hope you get that you are so special to me Colt, you are nothing but ordinary, you Scott are extraordinary." he nods and I see the wheels turning in his head, and the next thing I know Colt is above me, my hands pinned to the bed. In some situations this would scare me, with Colt it doesn't in the least bit.

"So what you are saying is I am not dark enough for you, I could be, I can be a total ass. I can stop being so nice Punk." He leans down to kiss me and I turn my head so his lips connect with my cheek.

"Let go Scott before I tell your mother on you, we both know nothing is going to happen so let me up." He breathes against my neck and then release me and we resume our positions on that thin mattress.

"Sorry" he whispers lightly and I shrug refocusing on the movie.

"I'm not saying that you being all dominate is not a turn on but maybe you should try it with Joe not me. By the way who bottoms in that relationship." Colt starts blushing and I can not help the chuckle that releases from my lips. I don't want to push him too far but I can't help but ask one more question about Joe. "So is he as good in bed as he claims, all those women and apparently men he has been with must make him amazing."

"Better then you would believe, though I am the only guy he has ever been with."

"See right there shows you how special you are not just to me but other people in your life." He smiles and we go back to watching the movie as it ends he stands and I recline back against the mattress.

"I guess I can tell Raven you passed the test." I blink and study Colt to see if he is joking, his words are serious and a small feeling of dread appears in my mind.

"What test" I say this through clenched lips hoping that he won't say what I think he is about to say.

"He wanted to make sure that he was really your choice, that you were not staying with him out of some sort of pity. Or some weird obligation since he was your first, so he asked me to be aggressive with you, apparently you like aggression in bed." There it is another game testing my loyalty, another way to fuck with my mind and to pull at my feelings. This time he used my best friend to help me, and damn it why would Colt agree to this. I know why, I understand that Colt wants his chance is desperate and hoping that Raven's fear was right but to do this, now while I am hurt and in the damn hospital. Why would either of them do this to me.

"Get out" I hiss and I think my anger takes him by surprise.

"Punk it is not that big of a deal." Oh it is a big deal, it's the biggest deal, Raven broke a promise, and Colt just hurt me deeper then I could ever explain to him.

"Get out and stay the hell away from me, tell Raven to stay the hell away, in fact tell everyone to stay the hell away from me. I don't need you, I don't need him, I don't need anyone. JUST GET THE HELL OUT!" At my yelling a nurse appears and I look at her, "he needs to leave, I do not want anymore visitors, just make them all leave." The nurse ushers Colt from the room and closes the door gently, I brush at the tears now falling and want to scream. What should have been the start of something beautiful is destroying me, what should have been simple has become so hard and I give up. I don't need anyone, I can do this alone, what has love ever done for me. Colt helped him, he helped him and I am broken, the pieces of me I had managed to start putting back together have crumbled again. Why would they do this, why would both of them throw it all away, why leave me on the floor bleeding once again.

* * *

He comes to my room a few hours later, slipping quietly inside the door and I feel him studying me. "Can I explain, or apologize?" I laugh and shrug it no longer matters but if he wants to make himself feel better than he can try.

"I'm sorry for being an insecure bastard, I just don't understand why you chose me, why you would want me over Colt. I know you say you love me and I hear those words and they mean so much, but you love him too, so I just wanted to make sure you weren't making a mistake. I wanted to give you a chance to get out of this if you really loved him more than me." As explanations goes that is weak and most likely the complete truth but I don't care.

"Choosing you, loving you, makes me an idiot Raven. Every time you promise me something you fuck up, every time I start to think we are in this place where we could move forward you make us take two steps back. I lost more than I can tell you when I chose you over him, but I chose you and you should have fucking trusted that I chose you for the right reasons. It was never easy breaking Colt's heart, it was never fun or made me feel good about myself to be purposely hateful to someone I care about but I did that so we could go forward. I would have cut him out of my life, I would have done anything to be with you, why is it you can't believe that, trust that our love is enough." He moves closer to the bed and I turn to look at him and I see the pain and worry in his eyes but for the first time it doesn't matter, I need to protect myself, I need to focus on myself. "I choose you and I choose wrong, go the fuck away." I turn my head away and go back to staring at the brick wall out the window. I hear him take several deep breaths and then he speaks to me.

"I'm sorry you feel that way now, but I have the truth in writing Punk, it is on the wall of our living room. I am truly sorry, I warned you that I don't trust easily and getting to know Colt these last few days had me questioning myself, I'll leave if that is what you want but not before I tell you this. You are my someone, you are my heaven, and I love you Phil. I love you and that scares the hell out of me so I'm sorry I act without thinking, but just because you are angry doesn't mean I don't love you and that I am going to walk away." I've wanted to hear those words spill from his lips for so long but it feels too late, he loves me, but he has become the rock I break myself against. "You are being discharged in the morning do you want me to come get you?" I shake my head no, I'm done doesn't he understand I am done. "You didn't choose wrong, and you are going to realize it I just hope it isn't to late." With that he leaves the room and I am pushing on the nurse button, everything in me is about to fall apart and despite everything I need someone. I request she go see if Ace is in the waiting room, and after she leaves I bury my face into the pillow and scream as the tears I can no longer hold back explode.

Arms slip around me and I turn and bury my head into Ace's chest. "I can't, I just can't do this anymore." I sob into his chest until exhaustion makes my bones weary. Ace offers few words of comfort just holding me and allowing my emotions to implode.

* * *

When I am released I go home with Ace, I ignore any calls from Colt or Raven, I ignore Dreamer, hell I ignore the world besides Ace and Chez and her family. I focus instead on the future ahead preparing to go to OVW, I force myself not to think of Raven or how he is doing. Ace goes and collects my stuff, I believe he intends to give Raven a piece of his mind but from what I have learned it doesn't happen as Raven is in no apparent condition to handle any conversations. I receive daily text from Raven that I never open they sit unread in my mailbox waiting for me, I can not bring myself to delete them but won't look at them either.

OVW is interesting, I am learning a lot from Paul, and enjoy the shows, yet something feels missing. There is a rumor that they are restarting ECW and before long that gets confirmed and I am part of the roster, I'll be on weekly TV. However it feels all wrong, this is Raven's domain, ECW is his territory and without him I feel like I am living a lie. It is late one night and I am sitting in a hotel when Raven's text come's in. I hesitate my finger hovering over the delete button, I can't help my curiosity however and I go to the first message he sent opening it. It's a picture message so I wait for it to load, my breath catching when I see my writing on the wall, there is more writing however and I squint to read his words, it's a simple I love you but I feel my heart flutter. I begin to open all the texts, and they all are of that white wall, the only difference is that each picture holds more of his writing. Reasons he loves me, memories, simple words that say he is proud of me. By the latest text the white wall is covered in his writing my words large and bold in the middle, I wipe at my eyes and chew at my lip wondering if I should call as I am about to my phone rings, and I see Ace is calling. I push down my desire to talk to Raven and chat with Ace who is asking if I will be in Chicago this weekend so we can spend time together. I decided that going home for a few days sounds good and confirm that I will indeed be home.

The days pass quickly before I find myself on a plane heading back to Chicago, I am studying Raven's latest picture, he has started on the wall next to the one I wrote on and the angle makes in very difficult to read but once I figure out the words I can not help but smile. _Reason number 55 on why I love you, you are the most stubborn man I know, but you will forgive me and come home. I am your someone, you are mine and without each other we are lost. Come home, I have a present for you! Love always and forever Scott._ A present really trying to bribe me now, it may be working a little bit though he has my curiosity up at least. The truth is I have forgiven him, I've forgiven Colt too. It takes too much energy to stay mad at them, I just don't know if I can see a future with Raven where we are both not constantly hurting each other. Yet he is right I am lost without him, hell I went on a few dates and trust me when I say they were a disaster, I may now have a reputation for getting into fights when I am out with people.

When the plane lands I head to Ace's house, really my home now too. I send him a text to let him know I am on the way and tell him to get some take out, I need some good pizza damn it. I arrive and the door is unlocked so I push my way into the darkened apartment, jumping out of my skin as the lights are turned on and everyone is screaming surprise. I see a banner that states congratulations and I glance around taking in the faces in the crowded apartment. I see Ace and I shake my head "What the hell?" He just smiles and shrugs at me looking around.

"This was not my idea, a couple people however felt we needed to celebrate your success and moving up to ECW and the future ahead of you." I can't help but smile and soon I am part of the crowd thanking people and chatting about my life. I feel him before I see him, I've felt him since the moment I walked into the room. Hell I can feel both of them, they are here but only one is calling to me like a beacon. I stand talking to Hero and Dave but my head is turning and there he is, he stands in the hallway near the bathroom leaning against the wall studying my every move and the moment our eyes meet I am moving towards him. All conversation forgotten, the crowd swept aside, and I am in front of him. He looks like he lost weight, his hair has grown back out and is in braids, I reach out and touch one of the blonde strand hoping he is not a figment of my imagination. He cocks his head and I smile, it feels like my first real smile in months.

"Where's my present Raven?" As soon as the words leave my lips he is grabbing the front of my t-shirt and yanking me too him, his lips crash into mine. My hands clutching at those braided locks, pressing as tight as I can get into him. I don't care that almost everyone I know can see us, that this will make our relationship very public, I don't care that I've told myself I'm never doing this again nothing matters accept his hands on my body, and his mouth capturing mine.

* * *

**Thank you everyone for reading, please remember to review. If you love it, hate it, or want to see something happen let me know!**

**Lisa- Thank you so much for your review, I am glad you are enjoying this story. I love pairing Punk with Raven, the couple just seems so right together. Although I must admit old school Punk and Colt is my favorite pairing.**

**Lamentomori- Well he told a conscious Punk how he felt, but only after he screwed it all up. After writing this I wanted to punch both birdie and puppy in the face but oddly kitten seemed very content with this chapter. I swear he likes drama and being the center of attention. I think birdie is very insecure with kitten's little litter and does things that are tragically wrong! So this is where my Punkmuse decided to take it now I need birdie to decided if he wants to write his POV on the events of this chapter or if he wants to take it from the kiss and run with it. Anytime now birdie, a decision would be great!**

**Badgerlynne- Punk doesn't love wearing the big boy boxers often it makes him take a long look at himself. I actually was viewing Punk by Colt's perception through out most of this and then I got a PM that made me take a long look at Punk's actual view of things. Lamentomori kind of challenged me to explain why Punk was so accepting of Raven and that made me look at Punk's own behavior separate of Raven. I had Raven as the villain in my mind until then and then I realized that Punk is no more the victim in all of this then Raven is. I agree if someone said I was nothing more then a drop in the ocean I would so punch them, I hope this shows that it wasn't over looked by Colt. I think after this chapter the games may be over at least on Raven's part I do believe he may have learned his lesson. Though I think colt has some groveling to do to make up for his little part in the plan.**


	18. Party of Two

As soon as he entered the apartment I could not help but stare, he was heavier but I knew this from watching every little piece of footage on the internet I could find of him. I had helped Ace and Colt plan this little party but initially refused to come myself, that was until Cabana showed up at my home. He had studied the wall and read Punk's own words over and over before giving a deep sigh and looking at me. "He is too proud to come to you, he wants to though so you need to come to his home turf and he may not acknowledge you but it is a start and he will know you are there." I hate that Cabana is right and in the last months we have become friends if only in our missing of the straight edge brat. My little kitten has proved that he has claws, but most of all proved he is willing to walk away, to protect himself he will find a new home.

The day of the party I still have doubts but I allow dreamer to drag me to Chicago, allow him to take me too Ace's and then I go and hide in the bathroom. I sneak into the hallway when I hear he is near and that is where I am standing still when he finally acknowledges me, his head turns and our eyes meet and I can not move. I apparently don't need to as he comes to me, his feet take him across the room until he is right in front of me. He asked about his present and I can not wait any longer, he looked at the pictures, he didn't delete them and that is enough to prove to me that he still cares now I just need to remind him of how much. My lips crash into his and he presses tightly against me, very much responding to my every touch. I know there is a crowd a few feet away but I could care less, there is no space between our bodies, and the once harsh kiss relaxes into a slow burn, our tongues tangle as we both become reacquainted with each others mouth, taste, smell, with the passion that just view into a bright flame once more.

The only thing that makes me pull away is the need to breathe, I pull back and both of our chest are heaving, much needed oxygen fills my lungs and he gives me a shy smile "hi." I run my hands up and down his side soothingly and give him another small peck.

"Hi, your present is at home, you can come home whenever you want and see it. Do you want to talk?" He looks slightly confused but a a lazy smile spreads across his face.

"Nope, no talking, there is no point, I think you've said enough on our wall don't you? Beside when we talk about shit it all falls apart and I really just want to start fixing it right now." I nod and he pulls away slightly from me I miss the heat of his body almost instantly.

"Do you want a drink or anything" he points towards the kitchen but I decline his offer.

"No I just want to stay right here in this hallway, I hate parties." he chuckles and runs his tongue along his lower lip.

"I can't stay standing in this spot all night, I'm pretty sure since this party is in my honor I should be social. Why did you throw me a party if you don't like parties?" He is always quick to put the puzzle pieces together when it suits him.

"So we won't stand here, we will sit here" I drag him down onto the floor and pull him onto my lap my back resting against the wall. He just continues to give me that smile and I can't help but feel my cock twitch slightly with desire. "They can come to you if they really want to talk to you. Besides most of them are here to get drunk and make out with whoever they came with. I mean look at Joe over there with his tongue all up in Colt's mouth and hands everywhere, They may need to get a room soon. I wasn't the only one who planned this your best friend helped." I see him glance to where I am pointing at the couple across the room.

"Are they together, together now?"

"Why don't you ask Colt?"

"Okay I'll go do that now" as soon as he goes to move my arms tighten around him.

"Later, you can ask him later or we could call him over and you could catch up with him right here." he rolls his eyes and snuggled his head into the crook of my neck and we sit there watching the party. No one comes to talk to us I think Ace is giving everyone evil looks to keep them back, hell I'm pretty sure he is making people go outside to use the bathroom as not to disturb us in this little hallway. Punk has been watching Cabana for a while, I am well aware of this factor but for once feel no anger, of jealousy just happiness that for at least tonight he is back in my arms. Colt has glanced our way a few times but every time he does Punk looks in the other direction, although I think it is very obvious Punk is staring. "Are you still mad at Colt? He shakes his head no, "Are you still mad at me?" Once again a no and I have a little more hope. "You could talk to him ya know, he misses you." He shrugs and I turn his head so he is looking at me. "Whats wrong?"

"I don't know how to talk to him, I don't approve of what you two did but I did some pretty hurtful things to both of you as well. I wish we could just start this whole mess over again and do it right." I pull his head towards mine and give him another long slow kiss, too many more of these and Ace is going to find his bedroom invaded for the night.

"We can start fresh tonight, we can all just let go of the past and start a new direction in our lives Punk, you just have to let go of the past. I have and I understand my mistakes all I want is you now, no games, no mistrust, just you any way I can have you. Colt just wants his best friend back so be his best friend and don't make it so damn complicated." I can tell he is thinking about my words and I hope he takes my advice and gives his friendship a shot, hell I hope he gives me a shot.

"Cabana get a fucking room" He calls over to the man "no one wants to see Joe mauling you" Poor Joe is completely forgotten as Colt spins to look at Punk. There is a smile across Punk's face and I see Cabana relax.

"Fuck you Punkers"

"Oh I've had snappier comebacks from a bowl of rice krispies." I chuckle into Punk's neck and wait for Cabana's response.

"You suck" not very witty but I think he is actually to happy that Punk is speaking to him to be creative.

"And you swallow" Colt actually blushes and I murmur into Punk's ear.

"You do both actually, quite well, in fact you may be the best at sucking and swallowing" He elbows me but I can see the blush forming on his face. Cabana approaches us Joe trailing behind looking rather annoyed, he has his drunk on and I think wants colt to himself at the moment, I know the feeling but they need to talk so I allow this small invasion to our hallway.

"So you and Joe still just friends with benefits?" Colt blushes and Joe slides and arm around his waist.

"Nope we are dating, or in a relationship, it is still up for debate on what exactly we are doing." Colt shrugs and Joe just shakes his head at the man in front of him.

"They live together" I whisper into Punk's ear, "according to Colt it makes traveling easier and he has his own room, according to Joe they have one room and one bed and it is not for convenience." Punk chuckles and looks at Cabana smirking.

"So it's about time, I mean you can only be a bitch for so long. I hope you guys are very happy together." Joe gives Punk a grateful smile and Colt nods carefully studying Punk. I know they probably need alone time, to cry and patch up things but I am not letting Punk out of my arms until I have no choice. I think Punk senses this and he glances back at me. "I'm going home in the morning" I tense at his words and make a mental note to get a ticket on his plane so I can follow the man. "Are you going to be in Philly at all this week, I took the week off and we could go to lunch, or have a guys night. Maybe have a classic horror movie night?" Colt smiles brightly at Punk and I can see the tension drain away from him.

"I'll be in Philly, you are going to be in Philly? Having a movie night sounds awesome, should we invite these two?" The smile that I am so in love with crosses Punk's face again.

"Yes I live in Philly Colt, and I think Raven is kind of invited he does live in the same house as I do." Right there I think my heart breaks, and heals in a matter of moments. He is coming home, home to me, willing to start a new life, a new beginning with me despite all of this he is coming come.

"Have you seen your wall lately?" Joe asks this and Punk gives me a strange look and I can't help but laugh.

"What I've made some new friends and Colt and Joe when working for ROH stay at the house, I hope that is okay." He gives me a fierce kiss and I almost think he is blinking back tears.

"It is perfect, I haven't seen my wall in person, only in photos Colt." Colt nods and glances at me.

"He hasn't seen it all then, he hasn't seen the letter on the ceiling." Punk looks at me quizzically and I shake my head no.

"what letter?"

"It's just something I wrote one night, you can read it tomorrow when we get home, as well as meet your present."

"Meet my present? What exactly is this present?" I just shrug and I see Colt chuckled he has forewarned me that Punk may in fact not like his gift, but I honestly feel like the gift is perfect, the most perfect thing for both of us. Joe decides to remind everyone how drunk he is at this moment.

"Punk likes guys named Scott, anyone else ever notice this? I mean he only sleeps with guys named Scott, I'd watch out Raven, he could sleep with Scotty too hotty, or Scott Hall, I mean there are options." No one speaks just looks at Joe in silence for several long moments.

"Never would I sleep with either or those men, I don't think of Colt as Scott, nor do I think of Raven as Scott unless he is in trouble, beside I slept with Ace and last time I checked his name is not Scott." I place a gentle hand over Punk's mouth wanting him to be quite his words are not helping Joe's awkward statement.

"Can we not talk about sleeping with Ace, that just seems so wrong on so many levels, he is like your father figure for gods sake its incest." Punk rolls his eyes at Joe's statement pulling my hand away.

"Not related to the man in any way Joe, and don't believe in god, beside no one says anything about him and Hero and they've been together for months!"

"Him and who?" Colt asks as Joe's eyes widen Punk slaps his own hand over his mouth and looks around not seeing Ace in the immediate vicinity so he just shrugs.

"Umm nothing, you heard nothing, I think Raven and I are going to be going, you have a hotel room right?" I nod and allow him to leave my lap to stand he is looking around as if trying to escape he gives Colt a quick hug and then heads for the door. I hear as we slide through the door Punk's name being called by Ace and I glance back, the man is walking away from Joe and Hero who is rubbing his forehead, I shrug and follow that cute ass out the door Ace will get over Punk's little slip soon enough.


	19. No Regrets

_Phil,_

_ I can not seem to tell you everything I feel with out somehow screwing up so I decided to write it down. My love, my someone I can not explain how every time I hold you in my arms I finally understand the feeling of home. Without you I am a shell of a man, constantly depressed, my happiness is to be near you, without you I think only of your memory, your hands in mine, your smile, your caresses. These memories are all I have to keep me going when you are not by my side for I am lost without you. Nothing compares to you, the green of your eyes, you are the mirror of night, the violent flash of lightning, the dampness of the earth and you are my shelter. Everyone misunderstands us, I van do anything when I am at your side, I can be anything. You heal my wounds, you fix my battered life, you make me whole. I can be clever and cruel, but not with you. Somehow you see through the hurt boy to the man inside of me, You broke through my defenses and I don't resent it. With out you my life stops and I can not exist. I have done so many things wrong since the day in that locker room that the only thing I seemed to do right was fall in love with you. I was never a fan of innocence as I am so jaded and have forgotten what faith, trust, and needing someone means. You are so innocent to me and that terrifies me and makes me want to drown you in the darkness with me. If I was you I would run from me most nights, I know I am hard to stand beside, but I think I am meant for you. I think maybe I've broken us more then I can comprehend and I would not blame you for finding someone else, but I hope you don't leave me behind. I'll wait forever for you, I love you, even the things I can not stand I love about you. I once said that when you found your someone to call me so I can gloat, well feel free to gloat love because I found mine in you. I am not sure even now if these words express all I mean, so I am going to use a quote here, "Whenever I'm alone with you, You make me feel like I am home again. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again. However far away I will always love you, Whatever words I say I will always love you. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am clean again." As long as you will have me Phil I am yours._

_ Scott_

By the time I finish reading our living room ceiling, the words in deep red across the white I have tears in my eyes. His love for me is apparent I recognize the quote as words to a song, I can't place it off the top of my head but have a feeling that the song will be my favorite for the rest of my life. I sit heavily on the couch just staring up unable to even find the words to express how much this means to me. "how long ago did you write this?" he hesitates with his answer so I glance at him and he sits on the coffee table across from me.

"When you were in the hospital." I shake my head and go back to staring at the ceiling.

"You are an idiot, you should have sent this picture to me, these words every day. We have wasted so much time." Something moving on the couch distracts me and I jump as a ball of fur lands in my lap. I look down at and green eyes meet mine, a small meow fills the room as the black bundle reveals sharp white teeth. "Ummm what is this?" The tiny feline is making itself comfortable on my lap its little claws digging into my legs as it kneads the flesh.

"Your present, Dreamer found a box of kitten in an alley by his house and when I saw this little guy I just knew. I named it Brooks, surprised he is taking to you so quickly, he is usually all hissing, and raised fur, while bating at your hand. Though underneath he is quite the loving little thing, all purrs and snuggling just normally takes him time to warm up to people." I run my fingers through that midnight colored fur and look at Raven and I can't help but laugh.

"You got me a kitten, a kitten you named after me because it reminded you of me, a kitten that you think reflects my personality. You got a kitten because you missed me! I love you Raven, but you know cats and birds don't do well together they are natural enemies." He slides onto the couch beside of me, and I snuggle into his chest while petting the newest addition to our family.

"There are exceptions to every rule, and this bird is in love with his fierce kitten."

"I think I'm more of a stray tom-cat, but still I love you too birdie, always have and always will." He kisses my neck gently and I hear the small purr from the bundle in my lap fill the room.

"Sometimes you find your someone where you least expect it Punk, sometimes they are nothing like you had planned, yet sometimes it all just makes sense. We may have not planned for each other but at the end of the day we do make sense. I will gladly be your someone, somewhere for tonight and the rest of our lives."

"Tonight I will be your someone Raven, and I'll gladly take the rest of our lives."

* * *

When Colt and Joe arrived for movie night it was awkward to say the least, but I think somehow more for me then the three of them. Joe and Colt actually seemed very comfortable in our home. They knew where shit was that I was still trying to figure out, they seemed very relaxed and it actually bugged me more than it should have. The last several months the men had obviously formed a friendship, where I had cut myself off they had bonded and in someways that pissed me the hell off. Granted I didn't expect Raven's life to stop because I pushed him away, but I didn't expect him to become so ingrained in the life I left behind. We all settled down to start the movie marathon, Colt and Joe on the floor snuggled together, and Raven and myself on the couch. Brooks is settled onto my lap, and the only thing that seemed to be making me smile is that my little kitten seemed not to like Colt any time he got close to the kitten he would take a swipe at him. I watched everyone watching the movie paying no attention myself, instead focusing on Colt and stroking the soft fur in my lap. It is then that I come to revelation, I am still angry at Colt, hell I am beyond angry because in the back of my mind his actions that day were revenge, to hurt me like I hurt him, he succeeded if this was his intention. I want to understand why he did what he did, I want to let this all go like Raven wants but for some reason this one thing lingers in my mind. Why would Colt do it, why plot against me with Raven if he truly loved me like he claimed.

I close my eyes because the anger is also bringing out the hurt and sadness, I lift Brooks into my hands and bury my face into his soft body, listening to the purr that seems to sooth my tired soul. Raven strokes my arm and I look over at him, his eyes filled with worry he reaches out and strokes my hair much like I stroke the little ball of fur I hold. "Whats wrong" he whispers and I just shake my head and stare at the TV not seeing the movie. I know his concern increases when I quickly stand placing Brooks down I flee into the bathroom, I keep telling myself over and over again to let it go but the anger is so close to the surface that it is suffocating me. I hear the knock at the bathroom door but ignore it, I stand in the middle of the room my chest heaving, wanting to hit someone, and trying not to cry at the same time. "Phillip fucking open the door!" Raven calls and I take a deep breath, I yank open his medicine cabinet looking for anything to numb myself with just to get through the rest of the night, something to push aside the memories till I can deal with them on my own.

My mind screams at me and then judges me, _so stupid, fall back into this pattern, throw it all away, WWE will drug test you, just fucking talk to him!_ My mind races with so many thought as I pick up pill bottle after pill bottle trying to find a solution. I don't hear the key in the door or see it open, I don't hear the click as it re-closes the only reason I know I am no longer alone is the arm that wraps around my waist and pulls me away from the cabinet closing it and taking the bottle from my hand. "Don't know what you are looking for but I have nothing in here that you would be interested in, so why don't you talk to me instead." I sit down on the edge of the tub and the man I love sits beside of me, he takes my hand in his and waits and I don't know where to start. "You still doing drugs?" His questions makes me close my eyes and I shake my head no. "So what happened out there that made you come in here to search for some?" I shrug and laugh bitterly I see worry cross his face and I quickly lean over and give him a kiss.

"It is nothing I haven't forgiven you for, it just seems you were easier to forgive then others. I feel left behind, isn't that crazy, I forced everyone out of my life and I feel left behind. So much has changed and I am struggling to find my place in it all. I am so angry at him, more then I realized why would he do this to me, why break what was already broken Raven? He was my best friend and now I want to punch him in his fucking smug ass mouth and demand answers." Raven strokes his fingers gently over the back of my hand and takes a breath.

"When you left I had never felt more lost, I was only existing not living. I could not even function properly and Dreamer was at a loss on how to help. He tried calling you but you never answered so he called Ace. Ace admit that you were equally as miserable but still forcing yourself to focus and move forward. Colt was also called and I think the guilt drove him to start showing up here with Joe in tow. They know this house so well because I refused to even acknowledge them when they visited at first so they learned quickly where to find shit. They helped pull me out of my funk, even gave me hope that there was a chance but not once did I leave you behind, you are always with me even when you are far away. If anything I think we've all kind of felt left behind by you Punk, you have this new life, these new experiences and chances, you are living your dream, scratching and clawing for it but living it nonetheless while we sit back and watch you thrive. If you are still angry and need answers than fucking get them, you won't be able to be friends without answers Punk. Hitting him may not be the greatest way to start the conversation but I guess if you want it works."

With that he is lifting me up in his arms, grunting as he does so causing me to frown. "You're a little heavier then I remember, you so need to not worry about being a big guy your talent will shine through Punkers." I smile and acknowledge this with a nod, he carries me out to the couch sitting me back down and placing Brooks back into my lap. He grabs Colt and pulls him over to the couch sitting him down beside of me. "Joe come help me make snacks, Punk needs to bitch at Colt for a while" Joe stands and Colt and I are left in silence the movie paused since my hasty exit to the bathroom.

"Your kitten hates me, seems to adore you though, maybe he is picking up on your feelings towards me after all you don't seem to like me much either." I pet Brooks and bite at my lip ring, I have never had to hold back from Colt before and it feels wrong doing so now.

"Your probably right I'm not your biggest fan."

"Then why invite us here?"

"I'm trying to let everything go start fresh, doesn't mean its working" He sighs and rubs at his forehead.

"How can you forgive him time after time, and I screw up once and I am a son of a bitch who can't be forgiven."

"It's different I expected him to pull the crap at the hospital, you on the other hand are suppose to have my back. I trusted you, I let you in my life and you know how hard that is for me. You were the one person I was suppose to be able to turn to and you plotted with him, you deceived me, and you hurt me. Why? Some kind of revenge, you claimed to have been in love with me yet you betrayed me why?" He stares straight ahead and I can tell he is reading the wall. I wait because I want the answer and I refuse to let it go, he needs to explain himself.

"reason number 55 on that wall is pretty accurate, and I think at the time how I was feeling. You are stubborn but going to come home to me, I was lost without my best friend and he seemed to be doing everything to hurt me. I honestly hoped Raven was some passing fancy and that you would come back to me. Yet you made it perfectly clear that I was nothing to you, I thought that you didn't even respect our friendship. So when Raven approached me I agreed easily in hopes that if I could give you what you wanted you would choose me suddenly. I was stupid, and hurtful, and a part of me was hoping to hurt you as much as you hurt me. I'm sorry Punk I truly am sorry, my reasons now seem so stupid and Joe has made me see that my love for you was an unhealthy obsession. I wanted you because I couldn't have you, so when I got you briefly I never wanted to let go and I think I may have been overbearing for the brief time we were together. I thought if I could make you see who Raven truly was you would come home to me. You hurt me so I hurt you back, like I once said a relationship based on manipulation would never work and I was trying to manipulate you. I hope you can forgive me, all I want now is for you to be happy. You've always seen Raven for who he is, and if he makes you happy I am one hundred percent supportive of it."

Okay so my anger faded pretty quickly, as soon as the I'm sorry left his lips he was forgiven, my life without Colt is not very fun and kind of boring and I refuse to let hurt and anger rule my life, no more regrets, no more heartfelt lies. I reach over and throw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly to my chest, Brooks growls from between the two of us and I think maybe takes another swipe at Colt but he just hugs me back and I feel a weight is lifted.

"Thank you Colt for caring about me, and I'm happy you got your head out of your ass and are with Joe. I support that also, now can we get the guys who are most likely eavesdropping on us now and put in a better movie, I said classics horror movies not boring horror movies!" I pull away from the hug and the kitchen door opens casually and the men return, Colt is rubbing at his stomach and I can see small drops of blood on the t-shirt he is wearing. I look down at the ball of fury in my lap, he looks up innocently and I smile he gave me my pound of flesh I guess. I now see why raven thinks of me as his kitten, and I can even adore the pet name. My love sits beside me and we snuggle and for the first time in a long time I feel home. I wonder how long it will last, everything beautiful eventually fades, and the world will come crashing down but for first time in forever I will not face the challenges ahead alone. Nothing will be easy, but I have friends, family, and a love to stand beside me, my phone vibrates and I glance over to see the boss calling, Vince never calls me I'm not important enough so I think about answering it instead I send it to voice mail and keep the outside world away from our little family for a while longer. What I don't know is that Money in the Bank is coming up and the events there will change my life, and my relationship with the man beside of me.

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**Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing. This story has truly taken on a life of its own thanks to you wonderful reviewers it was meant to end several chapters ago, but due to the encouragement it continued on. So please review it makes me so happy.**

**Lamentomori- I don't think birdie or puppy were thinking at all. This chapter was mainly inspired by your review and since I was slightly stuck I must say you rock! Dominating Colt is oddly sexy and I kind of want to see more of that hmm one-shot maybe lol. I think Raven needs supervision at all times, he needs to be watched and told to go sit in the corner when he starts plotting with Colt. The text messages were inspired by lemons lol, hope you don't mind I borrowed your idea a little bit though warped it to fix my story. I had to make Raven's chapter happy as he is so depressed lately and I think the story needed something a little more light hearted.**


	20. Everything

My relationship seems to be at a stalemate, I know we both want more he reminds me of this every time he comes home which is not very often now. It has been almost two months since I've seen him in person, I know he is perusing his dream and I am trying to be patient but having to much spare time on my hands alone is never good for me. It causes me to think to much, allows the insecurities and fears to over take my mind. I love Punk with every piece of me yet I wonder if that love is enough, granted we talk every day, we send text messages, and thousands of minutes on our phones but it seems not to be enough. Not to mention his dream is not making him happy, when he won Money in the Bank we all thought it would be the beginning instead he became champion and then nothing, the only difference is he travels more. He is constantly doing interviews and on the road to the next house show. His days off are few and far in between and some how I feel left behind in all of this. I understand now how my past relationships fell apart, I was never there to try to help them along and I fear that is what is happening to us.

I want to spend every day with him, I want a life where we are together more than we are apart, e has suggested that I could travel with him but that seems wrong. I no longer work for the WWE and I have a feeling it would be awkward to travel on the road with him, he understands this but it is still a point in our relationship that is causing tensions. We try not to argue when we are together, make our time happy but lately all we do is argue. We both are trying our hardest to make this all come together yet we drift apart. I spend more time with the people in his life, then I spend with him. I know I am not the only person in his life feeling neglected, Colt, Ace, Hero, Joe, hell even Dreamer is missing him and we all know we should be happy for his success but wrestling is tearing him away from all of us. I also hear the rumors, ones the dirt sheets don't post. Rumors of him hooking up with other wrestlers and although I try to ignore them I wonder if it is true. I wonder if perhaps our time has passed and I should let him go and just hope at some point in the future we find our way back together again. Dreamer tells me I am being stupid, when Punk has even a day off he returns home to me and that after everything the two of us have gone through I should know Punk is in it for the long haul. But our history is what makes me even more insecure, he has slept with other people while we were together. I know it was my fault but at the same time he was still unfaithful and I can not get the thought that he is being so now.

Everything is building up so much that I ignore his calls for several days, I don't respond to his text messages, hell I avoid the world sitting in my house with Brooks as my only companion, staring at that bloody wall his words laughing in my face. That is the way he finds me, I had no clue he was coming home so the door opening and Brooks running from my lap to great Punk startles the hell out of me. His bags drop onto the floor with a thud and he picks up his loyal ball of fur, hell Brooks only likes me when Punk is not home. He flips on the light and looks around the room with a deep sigh he takes in the empty bottles, the trash and ashtrays full of butts and the lit joint in my fingers. He doesn't say a word, just goes about picking up the mess in the room. He does glance at the cans of paint in the corner by our wall. Hell I planned on painting over it all than maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad, yet each time I try the brush never connects with the wall. He takes the joint from my fingers and stubs it out before sitting down beside me. Punk grabs my phone and looks at it. "Not broken I see, fully charged, yet you can't fucking answer?" His tone is softer then his words almost as if he is giving up on me.

"Didn't feel like talking to anyone. Why are you here?" He hums lightly checking over my phone, I see him check my recent calls and I wonder why he is doing this.

"This is my home, and I put in for some time off. You would know this is you would answers your calls fucker. I took a few weeks off to come spend with you, though from the looks of it you don't want me here." I turn and stare into those green eyes, drowning in the depth of him, he is hurt and I caused this but I am hurt also and it seems we are at an impasse.

"This is your home, you can be here however much you want. How's Jericho I hear you two have become close. Or wait was it Orton, or Cena I heard you were with? They good in bed Punk, looks like they would be although Cena would probably be a little boring." He looks startled and then shakes his head slowly.

"The only person I have been with is the jealous moron in front of me. I've become very well acquainted with my hand but otherwise it is just you. Could you stop listening to gossip raven, hell I hug a fucking diva and I am dating her, I go out with the guys and I am sleeping with one of them. I am about to tell the whole fucking world I am with you so they will all back off. Would it help, would it make it better if I told the whole world about us because I will. I don't really give a fuck what other people think about us being together." A small smile passes my lips and I've missed this, he has such a passion for life, he never cares about the consequences of his actions, he is just Punk, no apologies, no fears, hell besides me he has never tried to change for anybody and maybe I need to remember this more often.

"I don't care who you tell, I've always told you that Punk. Our issues go deeper than that and we both know it. Maybe we moved to fast, maybe we should have thought about the future. I don't even know if we are together anymore, I feel like I have a relationship with my phone more than you. What are we even doing here Punk?" He rolls his eyes at me and then leans forward and crashes his lips into mine, and my reasons for this not working flow from my mind. One kiss leads to another and another, and before I know it I am pulling him onto my lap, his body straddling me and my hands yank his shirt off tossing it across the room. I explore his chest and then pull back. "You can't do this, it won't fix anything seducing me is not going to fix anything."

"Shut up fucker, I love you, nothing has changed. So you're lonely, so fucking am I, but you keep me going when I feel like my whole life is the road. You are the reason I come home, you are every fucking thing to me. So stop trying to push me away because you're scared that I am leaving. I am here for the long run, you are stuck with me so just deal with it fucker. When my whole life falls apart, when everything sucks I have you, I know I've been a horrible boyfriend lately but I swear I'm going to make it better. I'm going to take more time for the rest of my life, for you. Even if it cost me my career it doesn't matter as long as I have people who love me, who understand me, who I can come home to and watch them sleep. Whatever it takes Raven, I want you forever and you need to remember that." His words sooth my soul, and for the first time in a while I feel whole with him in my arms.

"Tell me you'll stay." His smile is gentle and its the one he seems to reserve just for me.

"Forever" and I know he means this, he would give it all up for me but I will never ask him to do this instead I will embrace the time we are apart and make the times we are together breathtaking. I love this man, and if I only get him for a little while I will hold on tightly and even though the loneliness hurts like hell the moments in between will always make it worth it. I tighten my arms around him and stand his legs wrap around my waist, and I carry him into the bedroom. I gently lower him onto the middle of the bed and untangle myself from him. I undo his jeans and slide them down his pretty legs, his boxers soon follow and I sit back just drinking in the sight of him. "You belong to me?" It's more of a question then a statement and I know he hears it in my voice.

"Always Raven, I am always yours, my heart, body, and soul belong to you. Just love me, that is alls you need to do forever." It really is that simple, all we have to do is love each other and somehow it will work out the future will be ours. We both ache for each other, we both need each other, and I need to stop being scared.

"Where do you see us in ten years, fifteen years, where are we Punk?" He smiles and leans up tugging my shirt off.

"I see us together, happy, I see us living here, or in Chicago and spending so much time together it drives us crazy. I see us having it all, maybe even being married though I'm not the marrying kind, and I don't know if you would want that. Maybe we adopt a couple of kids, or we have a house full of animals. I don't care as long as we are together Raven." I wonder about wrestling and where that plays into his future and so I ask and he just smiles. "Darling I won't be wrestling in the future, I have no plans to kill myself doing this, no matter how much I love it. Maybe I'll train kids again, or just spend all my time doing nothing for a change. It doesn't matter as long as we do it together. Now I am laying here naked, ready and very willing, yet you seem to prefer to talk. So should I get dressed or are you planning to make me sweaty and in need of a shower? Or should I just take care of myself?" He reaches down and takes a hold of his semi-erect cock. I would pounce on him at the moment but I instead lean back and enjoy the show. His hand strokes him to full hardness, slowly his eyes watching me as he strokes his skin softly. Moans slide from between his lips and he knows he is winning when I slide my own pants off. "Lube?" at his question I rummaged through the bed stand drawer tossing it to him. My eyes are immediately transfixed back onto his body, he opens the lube and drizzles it on to his cock making his strokes easier and then he coats two of his fingers.

My breath catches as he spreads those beautiful legs and those two fingers disappear inside of his body, he arches and I see him tense a little as he adjusts to the intrusion. His hand strokes faster over his cock and I can not help but lean forward and lick at the tip of his cock, his taste fills my mouth and he moans. I rest my head on his thigh getting a close look as he pumps his fingers into himself, opening his body for me. He finds his sweat spot and his back aches a low whimper escaping him. He looks at me with pleading eyes and I move so I am between his legs, he slides his fingers from his body taking my cock and giving it a few strokes to smear the rest of the lube on his fingers onto me. "Ready?" I ask this not wanting to hurt him, though I have learned Punk likes a little pain with his pleasure from time to time. He nods and hooks his legs around my waist dragging me closer. I line my length up and we both moan as I fill him. His muscles milk me as he adjusts and I wait.

"Been too long" he states and I nod in agreement, I need to travel with him, if I get this tightness around me then I am going to never leave this man alone again. I move slowly at first, his hand still strokes himself and I know how sensitive my Punkers is, so I slap it away planning on taking my time inside this tight heat. He sighs but allows me to go at my past, he knows that no matter how much his pretty mouth begs I will do this my way, and he allows this. After several minutes of this slow pace he is indeed begging and I can't help but to smirk at his words, something however dawns on me and I want something more from him. I increase my pace and make sure I repeatedly strike his prostate, his fingers clench the sheet and before too long, that dirty mouth of his is screaming my name as he explodes. I am nowhere near close, so I continue to fuck him into the mattress until I've milked his cum from his body and he starts to re-harden under my strokes into his body. When he is fully hard I slide from him and he gives me a curious look.

"Want you inside of me Phil" His eyes widen and I can't help but laugh, granted we've never done this, he has hinted he would love to try it someday when I am ready. Because of my past I never thought I would be but this man I trust not to hurt me, to love me so when he goes to speak I press my lips to his. Once I am sure he is breathless from the kiss I toss him the lube. "Prep me kitten" I lay down beside of him and wait.

"are you sure Scott?" I roll my eyes and nod spreading my legs for him. He is hesitant but licks his lips and that beautiful mouth descends onto my cock and I hear the lube cap open. As he sucks me I feel a finger press lightly against my hole, I tense but he doesn't push it forward instead rubbing and teasing at my hole and his mouth sucks on me. Before long I push back on that digit and feel it slip inside of me. We both moan and the little vibrations from his mouth distract me from any discomfort I am experiencing, he takes his time in preparing me I think giving me enough time to change my mind which I don't.

He finally settles between my legs and gives me a questioning look, and I just smile and pull hid head down to give him a gentle kiss, he pushes inside of me slowly and I feel myself stretch to let him in. He fills me and I moan out, having not had this feeling in a while it is foreign but not unwelcome. He slides in and out gently and I watch his face as he struggles to hold back. When he strikes my prostate I swear I see stars, my little lover is quite a talented top and though we won't be doing this often his ass is to good to resist we will do this again. With encouraging and support, his pace increases and I am on the receiving end of my own pounding into the mattress. Before too long I find myself undone beneath him as my body erupts he moans and I feel him fill me with his own fluid. He collapses on top of me and I hold him tightly.

Our sweaty bodies lay entangled and he works to catch his breath, "I love you, I love this. I never want to leave this bed." I smirk glad I can send his body so easily spiraling out of control. There is a heat between us, a flame that grows whenever we nurture it. As long as we remember to take care of each other than I know despite my insecurities we will make it to Punk's vision of our future.

"I love you too, and love seeing you like this. As for staying in this bed forever kitten, I was thinking more of a joint shower and seeing if you have enough stamina to go another round with me." He stretches and pushes me away from him gently, as he stands I take in the sight of his sweaty skin, and the way he walks to the bathroom I know he is everything, with him I have been found, his love strengthens me, his patience encourages, and his love is everything, I have found my someone and he is everything.

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**Wow it has been a journey but this has come to an end. I want to thank everyone who has supported this fic. I want to also thank those who took the time to read, those who took the time to review, and those who gave me ideas when I was at a writer's block. I have a new fic in the works, due to all the stuff i put colt through in this one he is so going to get his man in the next so look out for a Punk/Colt fic called Tightrope to appear soon.**

**lamentomori the image of Raven on Dreamers shoulders made me laugh, and it most likely how my ravenmuse did write his letter. I think kitten keeps birdie and pup on a tight lease when together with the help from papaAce, very good guess on Punk winning MITB it does change everything and I think they struggle and will continue to struggle but both have enough faith in each other to keep going.**

**badgerlynne- My punkmuse agreed he needed to be laid, so he made sure it happened in this chapter. People do take their cats for a walk, I have never but my neighbor does all the time, I find it a little weird. They are happy finally but I think there will be more angst in future one shots for this story because I feel like these two are not going to leave me alone an let it lie the way it is.**

**Lisa- Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I love a happy raven also though my muse hates to be happy for too long.**


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